Friday, November 1, 2019

Skipping Hallowe'en


Tell me how you really feel about Hallowe'en.

We did it! We skipped Hallowe'en. Our house was one of those dark houses, all buttoned up, with the inhabitants hiding inside like Scrooges caught up in the wrong holiday.

It was the first time I've ever done that. Do I feel guilty? HELL NO! We saved a couple hundred bucks not giving candy to all those dirty little pot-lickers, scamming us with nary a backward glance. Most of 'em don't even say "trick or treat" anymore, and almost all of 'em don't know how to say thanks. Ungrateful. Greedy little buggers, all of 'em. Screw them all, I say! NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!

I was nervous, though, getting ready for the onslaught. Had to do it early, 'cause the little darlings start early in these parts. Soon as school's out, they take to the streets, pillowcases in tow, a sea of pink princess dresses from Walmart, runny noses, cold feet, whining toddlers, and babies in strollers. Babies. What a scam that is. Everyone complains about teenagers trick or treating - I know damned well it isn't that baby eating those Tootsie Rolls.

So I started at 3:30 p.m. Drew the curtains, closed the blinds. Hung a bath towel from the curtain rod on the front door to close off all the little lace peek holes on the existing curtain. Shut the doors on the bedrooms facing the street. Brought snacks to our back-facing bedroom. Had a shower in the dark. Crept around the house in bare feet. Paced. Hid. When Dave got home from work, I hustled him through the door. "Hurry, hurry," I screamed, as one of the neighbour's kids - excited about the evening ahead - tried to talk to him. "Don't. Encourage. Them," I hissed, as I slammed the door behind him. At my insistence, he dismantled the doorbell, and then turned the Netflix volume high so we wouldn't hear the feeble knocking,  nor the insipid cries of the tiny, hungry, chocolate-smeared zombies that they are.

No, I don't feel guilty one little bit. Their parents all voted conservative in this year's two elections, and with the United Conservative Party's horrendous new budget, who has money for Hallowe'en?

Damned if I'm gonna treat their tiny conservative offspring for that trick.

17 comments:

  1. I worked last evening, so as usual I missed it all

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  2. How LOVELY to see another post from you.
    We saw a couple of tiny trick or treaters carrying bags for the loot which were nearly as big as they were.
    They didn't knock on our door. Perhaps the mad woman with camera dances in the early mornings have scared them off. How sad. Never mind.

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    1. Hello, hello EC!!!! So nice of you to drop by! Indeed, I had second thoughts myself knocking on your door... perhaps if the dancing mad woman was dressed, things might be different.... LOL

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  3. No one bothers to bring them down to the last house on the last road in the township where I live.

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    1. The last house on the last road is always the haunted house in horror movies, though! I'd be scairt, too!

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  4. Welcome to the Skipping Hallowe'en club...great read Cathy!

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  5. hahaha That was awesome! "Tell us how you REALLY feel, Cathy!" lmao No one in their right mind would trick or treat at this house. I didn't decorate this year. I wanted to but we just unpacked from moving in May.

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  6. Cathy! Haven't heard from you in ages. Glad you posted.
    We also skipped Halloween. Good for us!

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  7. Welcome back, We have wondered what happened to you. We love Halloween and decorate inside of our house (my wife is a witch) but we don't suffer trick or treat spawn. We were teachers and we have had our fill of children - perhaps cooked in a pie...

    We bought some candy; but I ate it all.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  8. We hunkered down in hubby's Man Cave and ate dinner on TV trays in dimmed light. The mission was a success.

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  9. I wish I could've taken your trick-r-treaters! I haven't seen a single one in years.

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  10. HEYYYYYY, girl! It's awesome to see you back in the ol' blogosphere again! And with such a funny post, too. :)

    We never know how many little beggars are gonna show up at our door on any given year. This year, We had FOUR. That's it! Luckily, I only bought candy that WE like to eat. (Oh, darn...)

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  11. We had ONE trick or treater. So I guess I don't have your problem... :)
    Cat

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  12. I fed the good Liberal Trick-er-Treat kids here in Ontario. Well done, Children. Well done.

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  13. We live on a dead end road with no street lights. It does cut through to a larger neighborhood, so typically we only get a few kids. We buy the big bars. This year it was beautiful, but because it was supposed to rain, a lot of kids stayed more local to their homes. We had not a single treater. The Husband was bummed. I enjoyed my Snickers. ;)

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How's it going, eh? It's SO good to hear from you. Tell me every darn thing...