Whatever I Want

I had an interesting afternoon.

Work was good.

Got off in good time.

Dave was up in Sundridge doing some plumbing and I had a chance to do WHATEVER I WANTED.

How exciting! How lucky I am!

First, I took this photo of the river. It is almost, but not quite, frozen right across. I thought it looked like a surreal painting. This made me happy.

Then I thought, I will do my chores and write my blog and then make something fabulous for dinner while I watch HGTV or the Food Network or something else Dave makes faces about.

So I brought in three armloads of wood for the fire.

Then I filled up the humidifier, which was almost dry.

Then the waistband of my jeans caught something on the dish rack and not one but TWO china plates came crashing down on the floor, breaking into about a bazillion pieces.

Then I swept.

Then I vacuumed.

Then I washed.

Then I tried to put broken glass in a garbage bag. 

Then the bag ripped.

Then I tried to put broken glass in another garbage bag.

Rip.

And another.

Rip.

Then I said, "!%@%$#^*$&@&(%*."

I finished just as Dave was coming in the driveway.

"How come you're sweating?" he said.

Because I always sweat when I'm doing whatever the hell I want.

Don't you?

Duck Dodgers & The Furnace of Woe

Meet Duck Dodgers of the 21st Century.

He's a cat.

Moments ago Dave took this photo of him, dangling his paws over the side of the couch. 

I don't know WHAT he was doing. 

Never seen him do it before.

Just chilling, I guess.

***

OK.

So we have two houses.

One we live in. 

One that's been for sale since Christ was on the cross.

(Only $99,999! It slices, dices and juliennes fries! Act now and we'll include dog crap on the front lawn! Only 25 years worth of easy mortgage payments! You won't find this offer in stores!)

Yesterday we went to check in on the house that's for sale. We only planned a quick check and then some visiting with Dave's family but when we walked in and the temperature read 27 degrees F, we knew were going to be there for a while.

The furnace had stopped working.

Two pipes in the basement had broken.

The toilet bowl was frozen solid and there was a popsicle growing out of the bathroom faucet that reminded me of the snot-sickles that grow out of my children's noses sometimes.

"Golly gee whiz," said Dave. "This is not a good thing."

(He didn't really say that. I can't tell you what he really said because my kids read this sometimes. Hopefully they won't notice the snot-sickle part.)

We phoned the service guy and spent most of the afternoon and evening waiting for him. Turns out the transformer was busted. Bet you didn't realize that transformer-busting is as contagious as the swine flu. Yup. A couple of weeks ago Leah and Vic's furnace lost its transformer. Next thing you know, ours goes. Should have got the gol-darned vaccination, I guess.

So, there we are, in an empty house that's as cold as my ex-mother-in-law.

The wind was just shrieking outside and the temp was like minus something or other but it FELT like the High Arctic.

We built a fire in the woodstove and sat on the floor next to it.

We didn't even have chairs.

And, remember, the toilet was frozen and the water was turned off.

And, did you know that cold makes you want to pee?

Oh yes! It's true!

And there was nowhere to go pee except outside where the blizzard was blowing like the hounds of hell. And the moment you dropped your drawers your bladder curled up like a week-old rose and screamed like a boy who screams like a girl, and the skin on your arse froze as solid as that rump roast you bought on sale back in 1992 and buried at the back of your freezer underneath one hoar-frosted pork chop you wouldn't even feed to your dog.

Oh, and there's Rick The Neighbour, driving by, waving at you with his gloved hand, as you struggle to pull up the blue jeans that are now frozen in the pee that turned to ice as soon as it hit the snowbank.

Luckily my arse is as white as the snowbank so it blended in. Like snowshoe hares turn white in the winter, so too do arses. 

It's an age-old survival of the fittest technique that the Survivorman dude probably uses every week on his TV show and you don't even realize it because his white arse blends in so nicely.

Butterscotch in the Phone

Holy crap it's cold outside.

We just got back from town, making the Webster-Olliffe Rally Circuit from Wally World to Chalet Suisse to Rogers Video with little side trips to Crappy Tire and an outrageously priced furniture store. We were going to go into the furniture store first but my boss was going in ahead of us. My BIG boss. 

Dave says, "Do you wanna go in now or later?"

I imagined following my boss around the store, bumping into him at every corner, making awkward small talk. He's a nice guy and it would be fine but I'm a little intimidated, so I'd get all blushey and stupid and weirded out.

"Later," I say.

"Good," says Dave.

At Wally World we bought a new vaccuum cleaner. The Hoover Mach Cyclonic with Wind Tunnel Technology. AR-AR-AR.

Dave's putting it together as we speak. Soon he will be roaring around the house with it, terrorizing the dog and the cats. And me, probably.

In the meantime, he's busy, I'm happy and I have a recipe to post.

The recipe is called Butterscotch in the Phone and it's the perfect weeknight winter dessert requiring no special ingredients and hardly any time. Plus, I have never run into anybody who doesn't love it.

I made it for my friend Vic once and she had an allergic reaction and nearly died. But she loved it. Oh, she SAYS it wasn't the Butterscotch in the Phone – tried to blame the high-falutin' ginger ale I served her. What Ever. I'm just glad she didn't die on my watch.

So you're probably wondering, if you're still following me on this diatribe, what the heck Butterscotch in the Phone is.

You take a Werther's Original and suck on it until it's nice and sticky and then you pull out your cell phone and stick the butterscotch candy on the phone using your tongue.

Really.

Well, not really.

It's my Mom's recipe and originally it was called Butterscotch in the Oven.

But like a lot of the recipes I scam from her, I got it from her via the telephone. I guess I wasn't paying attention when I wrote it down because there, at the top of the page, clear as my best messy handwriting can be, is Butterscotch in the Phone.

I got the recipe from her back in the late 1980s and, ever since, it has become a family favourite. Everybody raves about the "phone thing."

Then again, everybody always raves about any recipe from my mom. Dorothy Robb is about the best cook I know. She says, "I'm just a plain cook. Nothing fancy." But everything she makes is plainly delicious. 

Tonight I post Butterscotch in the Phone because Vic and Leah want the recipe. Here it is, ladies, enjoy. If you choke on it, Vic, don't blame me.

Blame my dear, sweet mother!

P.S. That's my mom in the picture above, with her best pal Molly. It was taken at Lake of Two Rivers in Algonquin Park.

Butterscotch in the Phone

(This comes out of the oven VERY HOT, so don't wolf it down and burn your mouth. If you do, don't blame me or my mom, blame yourself, because you're an idiot)

In a pudding dish (I use a 2 quart Corning Ware dish), mix:

1 tbsp butter

1 cup brown sugar

2 cups boiling water

1/2 tsp vinegar

Bring to a boil in a pudding dish on top of stove. Let it boil for a few minutes.

In a separate bowl mix:

1 tsp butter

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup milk

1 cup flour

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp baking powder

Mix ingredients together to make a thick batter. Drop by spoonfuls into boiling sauce. Put pudding dish in the oven. 

Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees F.

Year in Review

Year in Review. The bane of newspaper reporters everywhere.

Every year at this time, some poor sap in the editorial department gets the inglorious task of writing a summation of every single news story that graced the pages of the Weekly Pickle in the previous year.

Bor-ring.

Obviously just a ploy to fill the Pickle because there is absolutely nothing even vaguely interesting going on during the holidays to report on.

Since I think of this blog as my very own community newspaper, where there are no advertising clients to kiss up to and the only stories in it are of interest to me, and I really can't think of anything else interesting to write about because I was up to late and I'm semi-pickled myself, I might as well do a Year in Review.

It has been a big year for Dave and I. 

We renovated our house in Sundridge, hoping for a quick sale last July.

But the economy fell apart and it's still for sale. Reduced.

We bought a house trailer. Love peeing indoors.

We bought our dream house in Bracebridge. Two mortgages! Yay!

My job was transferred from Huntsville to Bracebridge. Now I have a 6 minute commute. And that's if I drive slow. Yay!

In between all that we found time for family, friends, camping and fishing.

It was a hectic year. But a good one.

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all my family and friends a wonderful and happy new year, full of good things. I love you all.

 

January 1, 2009

Angus on the 1978 Ski-Doo that Dave fixed up and gave to him and Sam for Christmas. The snowmobile belonged to my late father, once upon a time, and had been gathering dust and hay in my dad's barn for at least 10 years. Dave's a bit of a mechanical wonder and can fix anything.

January 31, 2009

Dave and I finally made the snowmobile trip we had always talked about, from Sundridge to my mom's place in Carnarvon. The trip took us about 8 hours each way, with stops along the way for lunch, gas and sightseeing: this photo was taken at a scenic ice cave near the Dyer Memorial, Huntsville.

February 1, 2009

On the way back to Sundridge from Carnarvon, taking a hot chocolate break. The Saturday trip was bitterly cold. The Sunday return was warm enough to take off your helmet and undo your jacket. What a wonderful weekend we had!

March 1, 2009

One of the biggest things we did this year was renovate the Sundridge house from top to bottom. Our first project was the back room: here's what it looked like "before."

Here's what the back room looked like "after." 

My favourite part of the back room? The built-in bookcases. Big difference, eh? Now why wouldn't anybody want to buy this beautiful house? 

April 19, 2009

Goes to show, you don't need fancy video games and TV. All you need is a puddle and a stick. Gus and Sam play in the back field in Sundridge.

April 19, 2009

Dave grin is wide as he sets up our new house trailer for the first time (in our yard!). We slept in it for a few nights, enjoying our fancy new novelty.

May 2, 2009

Dave and I get all dolled up for the annual Policemen's Ball in Sundridge.

May 11, 2009

Shore lunch, Kiosk, Algonquin Park. Dave, Misty and I stop for a campfire-cheese-sandwich during our annual, completely fabulous, spring fishing trip. I caught my first lake trout ever on this trip. The fishing was phenomenal and the company wonderful. Jenna and Ron and Rambo joined us.

May 16, 2009

Dashing Dave gives me the Trudeau salute during our May 24 weekend trip to Balsam Lake Provincial Park. We were joined by Angus, Sam, Misty, and the Raneys - Richard, Tammy, Emily and Megan. Loved it!

May 16, 2009

Richard and Tammy, relaxing at Balsam. Best thing about camping with the Raneys, other than their great company, is their kids play so well with our kids that we get left in peace.

May 16, 2009

I love this photo of Sam and his "pet" snail.

June 2009

One of my favourite parts of our renovation was the glass backsplash. Love it, love it! The chicken/duck/poultry Scot cookie jar was a shower present my Mom received more than 50 years ago. Love it, too.

June 2009

Our house, new sided by Dave's brother, Max. We listed if for sale at the end of June for $124,00. It's now priced a lot lower. Sigh.

July 5, 2009

Our newly designed living room. New floor, new drywall, new cupboards, new lights, new windows, new siding, new dishwasher... lovely. And it can be yours for $99,999!

July 11, 2009

Killbear Provincial Park. One of our favourite parks. One of my favourite photos. Sam, relaxing on the soft rocks in the foreground; Angus kicking around in the back.

July 11, 2009

Killbear Provincial Park. One of the coolest things about Killbear are the autographed rocks. Over the last several decades, campers have carved their initials, their favourite girls and the most popular beer and rock bands in the granite. The practise is now illegal. But if you visit the park, take a stroll down memory lane and see the autographs. We took this picture because Dave's brother is named Max Webster. No relation to Kim Mitchell.

July 28, 2009

Angus and Sam at Awenda Provincial Park. We spent a week there and it rained every single stinking day. Wouldn't recommend the park. Terrible rocky swimming. No sunlight anywhere in the canopy-covered campgrounds. Reeking toilets. Other than that, it wasn't bad!

July 28, 2009

While at Awenda we visited all my old haunts... my family lived in Midland for eight years when I was a little girl. Above, we paid a visit to Ste. Marie Among the Hurons and Sam went up to the pig paddock for a closer, um, smell. His face is just priceless.

August 1, 2009

Inverhuron Provincial Park. Beautiful park. Beautiful big waves, amazing swimming. We loved this place and plan to go back next summer for a week with the Raneys. I love this photo of the guys setting up... Sam could hardly wait to get his shirt off and the tube on. He hit the waves running.

August 8, 2009

Temagami Provincial Park. Dave and Misty and I spent the weekend fishing. Nice park. Huge lake. No fish. Big red moose.

September 5, 2009

Sam's birthday. He turned nine (my millenium baby). It was a perfect late summer day, blue sky, fluffy clouds, My Mom, my sister Liz, nephew Randy, and the Raneys, Richard, Tammy, Emily and Megan, joined us for a backyard party. Good times.

September 5, 2009

Just had to share this photo of Megan and Molly (my mom's pooch).

October 9, 2009

In May we found out I would be transferred from Huntsville to Bracebridge, which would give me an hour or longer commute in good weather, each way. We decided to move to Bracebridge. A co-worker, Gail Knaus, told me about this place on the Muskoka River. We went to see it in May, fell in love with it, and bought on the spot. We didn't take possession of it until August and were faced with the biggest clean-up of our lives. It was the messiest, smelliest, dirtiest house we had ever seen. I cried, it was so awful. But after much elbow grease, cleaner and paint, it was cute as a button and ready to move into. We made the move in the fall, and haven't regretted it one bit. Here's Dave in front of our little piece of paradise.

October 10, 2009

Thanksgiving at Balsam Lake Provincial Park, with the Raneys, my sister Liz and her husband Don and her kids Hailey and Randy, as well as my mom and Don's mom, Ruth. We cooked a turkey over the campfire and spent all day hanging out, talking and laughing. Dinner was served on picnic tables put together, under glorious sunshine. We have much to be thankful for, most of all, good friends and a great family.

October 11, 2009

My birthday. Megan's birthday. We spent it together (but I didn't get a Barbie). Tammy and Dave arranged a treasure hunt for the kids. Tammy made spaghetti and caesar salad, and had a friend make fancy cupcakes for 'cake'. Each cupcake was one of us in sleeping bags. So cute. Thanks, Tam! You make getting older somewhat more bearable.

October 31, 2009

One of my best friends in the whole world, Martha Perkins, left the Haliburton County Echo after a ridiculous number of years serving that community and winning more awards than anybody, including her, can count. Friends held a going away party for her at the local curling club. It was a night of happiness and sorrow as Martha and Jean-Edouard headed for Vancouver to start brand new lives. I wish them nothing but the best and I miss them terribly.

October 31, 2009

Hallowe'en. Dave took the boys out trick or treating and had some quality spook-kid-guy bonding time.

November 27, 2009

Summer weather was lousy but autumn was beautiful, with warm weather stretching almost into December. On this day we went for a walk down by the bridge and Angus looked so handsome I took his picture. He is growing up so fast. I love his gentlemanly spirit. I love both my kids. I'm so lucky to be their mom.

November 27, 2009

The Redneck Family. Let's get the pellet gun and shoot up a squash. Woo hoo!

November 28, 2009

Dave's 41st birthday. Leah baked him a cake (that's her and him in front of the delicious offering). Leah and Vic and Tammy and Richard and Roger and Lynda came for euchre extravangaza.

December 12, 2009

The mother of all snowstorms! Four feet of snow in three days! Work closed, roads closed, nothing to do but nothing! This was our road. It wasn't plowed for almost a week. Thank goodness for the Jibberty.

December 25, 2009

Christmas with my boys. I was spoiled rotten, and so were they. All was right with the world.

New Year's Do

You can't be very vain if you post a picture of yourself with dye on your hair, no make-up on and wrinkles/fat/sausage fingers on glorious and puffy display.

Talk about your full frontal nudity.

This, sisters, is what it's all about.

What we go through to make yourselves, if not beautiful, at least not abominably hideous.

The other day my friend Lynda and I had a skunk competition. 

That's where we have another friend, Leah, look closely at our hairlines to determine who has the most gray roots.

Incredibly, I was not the winner.

Lynda, mortified, ran home crying and drowned her sorrows in the nearest bottle of Ravishing Red with Palest Golden Strands.

(Lynda does have really great hair. She is a stunning strawberry blonde with wide blue eyes and china white, luminous skin. She looks 20 years younger than she does. If she wasn't so damned nice, I'd hate her stinky guts.)

Leah was the judge at this particular skunkfest because she just had her spikes done. Yes, Leah has spikes. This salesman we know, whose idea of a good time is a bunch of smelly old men hunkered down in a hunt shack, makes fun of Leah's hair. 

He's always saying, "Leah, I see that cow was licking your head again." 

He thinks this is very funny.

(Honestly, I do too. Nothing against Leah's hair, because it's gorgeous, but the thought of a cow licking her head paints a picture that pitches me a giggle-fit.)

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, the skunk competition.

With Lynda's roots back in the land of the blonde, I was the office skunk.

Not that I personally care.

I can't see them.

Dave, however, is taller than me and it's not uncommon for him to be staring at the top of my head, thinking whether it would be smart to tell me I am venturing into skunk territory.

Today I went to the hairdresser's to get a trim and the barbarette announced, "You got some roots going on there, girl. About an inch of them."

The only reason I didn't deck her is because she called me "girl."

So. Fine. 

I came home, a box of Natural Instincts Hazelnut/Noisette Medium Brown in hand and prepared to do the nasty.

Oh, and it is nasty, isn't it?

Dyeing my hair is right up there with changing the kitty litter.

All that chemical smell and mess and black stains on my face is boogery.

When it drips down my face I look remarkably like Elvis.

In his bloated years.

P.S. Another reason I had to get all dolled up is because, wait for it, I've been DISCOVERED. OMIGAWD... the QUEEN of Muskoka Bloggers is Jenn Jilks (http://mymuskoka.blogspot.com/) and she ADDED MY BLOG to her list of other Muskoka blogs. And she WROTE TWO COMMENTS on my blog. And I'm in SUCH a TIZZY. I could die right now a happy woman.

Instead, I'm dyeing right now.

Oh! There's the buzzer. Time to rinse!