Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Write Me An Ending! Win A Prize!

The beavers who live on our section of the Muskoka River are an industrious, engaging lot. Just pull up a chair on
the riverbank and wait for a few minutes and one or more of the beavers will swim by, always in a hurry, always
with important business to attend to. My family loves watching these furry engineers; it's one of the best
things about living by the river. This photo was taken by Erin Monett of Everimages on our wedding day.
I just realized that November 11 is the first anniversary of Life on the Muskoka River.
A whole year has gone by since Dave farted in bed and drove me to the computer where, with nothing else to do while the fumes cleared, I started a blog.
I have a few rather ingenious ideas for celebrating and the first is to finish a story for me!
I started writing it tonight and I liked the way it was going but didn't know how to finish it. 
So instead of fluffing off some lame ending I thought I'd ask you to write something for me. I'll print all the entries sent my way and then reveal a winner. I might even take your endings to my writers' group and have them pick a winner for me. That way there won't be any favouritism. (I am, however, quite receptive to bribery.) I'll send a great big fat Muskoka prize package to the winner. Hoo boy!
Here's the story. It's called:

Leave it to Beavers

Other things should have occupied the mind of Elizabeth Donaldson but her thoughts always returned to the beavers.
She was worried about them. Worried that the rising water would flood the road.
Elizabeth and her husband Vern lived beside the Red Canoe River in Ontario’s near north. Elizabeth had a stressful job in the city but there was no amount of corporate nonsense that could linger when she sat in a Muskoka chair by the water, listening to chickadees calling to their friends, “look! there’s sunflower seeds in the feeder! come now-dee-dee-dee-dee”; watching pine needles and dessicated maple leaves float downstream in the sleepy current; waiting for a fish to jump, or a flock of honking Canada geese to do a fly-by, or a beaver to surface and swim soundlessly by the dock.
They never had to wait long to see a beaver. There were more than  a few of them living on that stretch of the river. All busy, all the time, they moved through the water ignoring Elizabeth and Vern like teenaged girls trying to look busy at a school dance. They always had some place important to go, those girls, as they rushed by boys they were trying to attract, not meeting them in the eye, not acknowledging their existence, but senses acutely attuned to any movement the boys might make. “The beavers are like those girls,” Elizabeth told Vern one day.
“Ayuh,” Vern said, “and you better believe they are keeping an eye on us as they go by.”
“Did you see the road today?” Elizabeth asked.
“Water’s getting close to the road,” Vern said. “I saw.”
“I hope you’re not right,” she said, knowing he was. “Do they stand any chance at all if the township takes out the culvert at this point?”
Vern shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Usually beavers have a back-up house. If they do, and they work really hard at stashing more food away, and if the rest of November stays mild and the river doesn’t freeze, they might be okay.”
It was a lot of mights, Elizabeth realized.
“But if the township waits until the end of the month to do something about the culvert, they might as well just kill the beavers outright.”
Elizabeth looked at her husband sadly. “Oh Vern,” was all she said.
They thought maybe they could pull a bit of mud and sticks out of the culvert, leaving enough water to keep the beavers happy but stopping the water from flowing onto the road. But the beavers had done their job too well and the culvert was jam-packed.
On the last Monday of November Elizabeth turned off the highway onto their road and was stopped short by a sign that read “Road closed at bridge.” Her house was on the other side of the bridge but she had a dread feeling in her stomach that this closure had something to do with the beavers. 
Up ahead she saw sawhorses with bright signs on them announcing “Road Closed.” She saw Vern’s pick-up truck stopped in front. She pulled in behind him and parked the car. Vern was standing at the edge of a deep pit where the culvert used to be. The old one, still filled with river detritus, lay twisted and tangled at the side of the road. A new one lay ready for morning.
The pond the beavers had spent all summer building was empty. Their lodge was ripped down. A rank musty smell rose from the muck. Elizabeth gagged. “Where are the beavers?” she said, sweater pulled up over her nose. 
“They’re in the river,” Vern said. “They’ve been swimming back and forth, here. Looking for the culvert, I bet.”
Elizabeth felt sick. 

***
You've got until Sunday to send me an ending but, gawd, it should only take you a half an hour to whip this off. Even if you're off there in nano-land you could probably do it in your sleep. 
E-mail the thing to me here. 
That's it. 
No more rules. 
Whaddya waiting for?
Go!
Get busy!
Still here?
Unbelievable!



Sunday, November 7, 2010

Beat of Five


A superhero

In a velvet cape.

Standing up for the

Minions and the poor.

Fighting for justice,

Truth, honesty and

Canadian ways.

Crying in coffee,

Pouting in pillows,

Wailing in washrooms.

It’s time to stop now.

My smile is real now.



Somebody gets me.







New at Muskoka People: Graphic artist Lynda Sinclair.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Please Welcome Muskoka People

On our wedding day, wearing a new suit, shirt and tie and all his wedding
bling, Dave had to do some fixing on our old outboard motor.
Photo by Erin Monett of
Everimages.
It's a special day for me!
No, not Hallowe'en (although I am looking forward to taking young Sam out trick or treating and I do wish all of you a happy and spooky evening).
Today I have officially launched a new business venture. It's a new blog called Muskoka People and it's all about putting the spotlight on people and their businesses in my community. Muskoka is a big place, encompassing the towns of Gravenhurst, Bracebridge and Huntsville with all kinds of smaller villages in between. It's the jewel of Ontario's cottage country, less than three hours north of Toronto, and its beauty is legendary. Clear, beautiful lakes. Unending forests with towering sugar maples and majestic pines. Craggy outcrops of the Canadian Shield. No wonder so many cottagers and tourists come here year after year. No wonder people like me call it home.
Muskoka People is a place where local people and their businesses can be showcased with a professionally written profile, a photograph, a logo and contact information. Customers will pay one low fee, and their story will be online for as long as blogger exists. Every time someone googles their name or their type of business, their story will show up. As far as I'm concerned, it's the best advertising money can buy. With this, they pay a one-time fee (I'm starting out for the unbelievably low price of $100) and that's it.
I know with my experience from this blog that people searching for stuff online continuously hit old stories of mine, especially posts with specific titles. So I know that if I label each post with a general title, like Muskoka Mechanic, anybody searching for a mechanic in this area will see my website.
Anyway, that's the idea.
 I hope you like it. I hope you can support me. For now, I would appreciate comments, followers and pimpage on your own blogs or through facebook or Twitter.If you live in Muskoka or in the area (I'll definitely take Almaguin, Parry Sound and Haliburton) and would like a profile written about you, don't hesitate to send me an e-mail. I would love to do it. And, at the risk of sounding like an infomercial, if you're among the first few people to contact me, I'll do your profile for free, just to get the ball rolling.
Speaking of rolling balls, my first profile is my new husband, "the most photographed man on the internet" according to Alan W. Davidson. My Dave is an awesome mechanic, one of the best, as honest as the day is long. I figured he would be the perfect first profile.
Above is a photo of him on our wedding day, all gussied up in shirt and tie, making a quick fix on our old outboard motor so our photographer, Erin Monett, could take photos from the river.
Please drop by the new site, say hello, and spread the word for me. I appreciate all of my internet friends so much and hate to bug you, but I know you'll help because you're special as they come. What would I do without you?
Hugs to you all.
oxoxox

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Fine Print - #fridayflash


The widow of Scarlett Pimm's ex-boss placed a red rose on top of his coffin, then stepped back.

Scarlett watched this from a hill overlooking Craggy Bluffs All Saints Cemetery. Gangly and string-tied, she stood hollow-eyed in the shadow of a dying sugar maple, waiting for the graveside service to end. From this angle the mourners resembled fat black beetles, blundering blindly around the widow, licking up to her painted sorrow like it was a dark jewel. Their shiny umbrella backs swarmed around the widow, carrying her to her limousine on a sycophantic cloud, then skittering to their own mini-vans to follow her for pickle-wrapped sandwiches and tepid funeral tea.

A backhoe rolled in, covered the corpse with dirt, then rolled away.

Scarlett waited for a while, waited until the sun was starting to flatten in the tender sky, waited for the world to forget the man in the hole, then slid down the hill on the skin of her own shadow.

She stood in front of the tombstone, so fresh that marble dust still lay in the letters of his epitaph.

Andrew Joseph Williams 
Born June 1, 1942. 
Died October 28, 2010. 
Husband & Corporate Giant 
Respected by all.

She took the hammer and chisel from her tool belt and began inscribing an epitaph of her own. She had waited 12 years to do this, ever since her job had been outsourced to some febrile curry town across the ocean.

"You may have the people of this community fooled into thinking you are someone honourable but I know who you are," she told him on the day she was fired, "and I am going to put it on your tombstone some day."

He had just laughed at her. Laughed, and had security escort her out the front door.

But now it was Scarlett who was laughing as marble chips flew, as sweat soaked her hair, as grave dirt crusted into the knees of her jeans, as four words emerged on the back of Andrew Joseph Williams' tombstone: Lying Sack of Shit.

She finished by chiselling a neat little asterisk beside his name.

"Unlike you," she said, "I always keep my promises."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010