Monday, August 27, 2012

Toilet paper wars: which way is the right way?

Obviously toilet paper has to be hung on the wall with the tail against the wall.

How else can you get one-handed access? And yet my husband insists on putting the toilet paper the other way, so that when I really need it in a hurry, and who doesn't sometimes, admit it, I have to flounder around, trying to grasp it with two hands while precious seconds (and other things) are disappearing in an elegant swirl down the poop pipe.

He actually goes into the bathroom and switches it on me. The nerve. Of course I switch it back. What choice do I have? You have to stand up for what's right, fight the good fight. If you don't defend your own toilet paper dispenser, you might as well roll over for the rest of the world.

Besides, this is how toilet paper should be hung. It was done this way at my parents' house. It was done this way at my ex-husband's house because, erm, I was bossy that way. Come to think of it, that's probably why he cheated. The toilet paper thing probably emasculated him. Had to find his toilet testosterone somewhere else. Hey, it happens.

Dave doesn't put up with my shit. No pun intended. He was raised in a house where toity paper was overhanded and he sincerely believes that is the best way. Now, I've caved on a bunch of stuff where Dave is concerned, like not putting relish in my pasta salad, which I loved, and bringing the water to boil before I drop the corn in, but toilet paper is a make or break issue and I take it seriously.

Dave isn't the worst offender, however. Did you know there are people in this world who will go into the bathroom in your house and change your toilet paper around? Incredible, isn't it? If there's any place on earth that is truly your private space, it's the bathroom. Sacrosanct. If your home is a castle then it's no wonder the toilet is called a throne.

I was just thinking that toilet paper hanging is a lot like religion. I was raised going to a United Church so therefore my allegiance is to the United Church, even though I go maybe once a year if I'm lucky. I'm not even sure what my religious beliefs are, to be honest, but I do know I feel a certain peace in the familiarity of "my" church. Being there, hearing the same words that I heard as a child, makes me comforted.

It's how I was raised.

The toilet paper thing? That's also how I was raised. Having someone mess with the toity paper holder is like people in suits coming to the door and trying to get me to switch religions. They hand me a piece of paper, the toity paper holder hands me a piece of paper – it's all just paper, right? Why should I worry about how I get it and just use it for how it was intended?

Man, those religious leaflets though, they're hard on the butt. No matter how you hold 'em.

48 comments:

  1. You're supposed to hang toilet paper? I usually just set the new roll on the empty roll and call it a day.

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  2. What Alex says usually happens at my house also! But I think I have a solution! Have 2 side by side! One your way, the other Dave's way! Problem solved! Either that or get the frying pan out and imprint T-fel on his noggin! Works with Don! lmao In the end, it's all about a clean bum. ;)

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  3. I'm overhanded because back in those heady days when they printed pretty coloured designs on toilet paper (or paper towels), you had to hang it overhanded or you couldn't see the design. I don't understand the one handed access bit though. hmmm

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    1. I never thought of that but Jeannie you're right!

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    2. Oh, about the one-handed thing? I need a video camera to explain that one!

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  4. From in front, from the back...either way....it beats no tp on the roll at
    all doesn't it? My old guy justs sets the new roll on the tank or the towel bar or the sink in the water....count yourself lucky. At least your man knows where the darn thing goes.

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    1. Heheheheh! True, Delores! And I sincerely hope your husband is feeling better and back at home putting the roll on top of the tank!

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  5. I think it has something to do with the dominant side of the brain. I'm left brained, my tp roll dispenses under. My sister is right brained, she dispenses over. Here's the solution. Install an open ended dispenser. No fumbling when you take the roll off the dispenser and put it back on THE RIGHT WAY.

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    1. I never thought of it that way. Scientists should know the left-brain-toilet-paper connection.

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  6. Put up a his and her roll. But Dave is right....
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  7. You know I like weird people. And believing, as you do, that putting TP with the tail against the wall is the right way, well that's just plain weird. How can one-handed access possibly be easier that way when the free end you're reaching for is hidden behind the roll? It should be coming over the top and hanging right there where I'm reaching. Now THAT'S one-handed access!

    But I still like you because, like I said, I like weird people. And honestly, the direction of the TP roll in your house wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me anyway. Just don't tell me that you leave the toliet lid open all the time too. That's not just weird, it's gross.

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    1. Okay, okay, okay... if the tail is against the wall you can rip off piece of paper using the roll as pressure. With it the other way, you can't just rip it or the roll unwinds. Thus you have to use your other hand to hold the roll so it rips off correctly. (I need a video to explain...)

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  8. My husband puts it "backwards"/facing the wall... but usually it's me changing the roll, so I get to put it the "right way"/facing me. ;) When I feel lazy, I balance the new roll on top of the empty one (like Alex).

    I love toilet and toilet-paper discussions. :D It's very much like religion, yeah.

    Incidentally, I have a thing for towels hanging neatly. That, I do have to fiddle with until it's folded perfectly in half. It's a disease.

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    1. Carrie, you haven't by chance seen the movie "Sleeping With The Enemy"????????

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  9. I'm kind of impressed he has an opinion on this. I'd just be happy to have someone (anyone) put a roll of toilet paper on the dispenser instead of setting it on the back of the toilet.

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    1. The problem with having a husband who helps out around the house is he has OPINIONS of how the household should be run.... but yes, you're right!

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  10. Put me in the decidedly overhanded camp. And yes, I switch it on my partner who always puts it up the other way. No wars yet...not sure anyone else in the house notices. This is sure to touch some nerves!
    As for comfort in familiar things and places...yes. I totally agree with you and I think it's why so many of us are so conflicted about church, religion, etc. Let's just be comfortable. Can I knit there?

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    1. Yes, let's just be comfortable!!!!!
      (Yes, of course you can knit there.)

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  11. It could be pretty messy should I come live at your house, but then again maybe not as Dave & I would be 2 against YOU !!! Poopy for you poor girl.

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  12. I'm kind of with Alex; I prefer it on the counter. However, if it's got to be hung (and my wife says it does), then your husband is right. It's a very technical process, but there is a correct way and, well, there's a correct way. The tail does NOT go by the wall. It interferes with the balance of the universe.

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    1. (Another man.... hey, have you met Alex?? You guys have a lot in common!)

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  13. Having been raised by a sister of your mother, all I can do is say 'ditto'. I struggle to accept the strange ways of others.

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    1. I laughed out loud at work when I read your comment, Deb!

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  14. My household is an overhanded household. And I'm sticking to it lol! but I wouldn't dare go to someone else's home. THEIR HOME and change their toilet roll around. Just wrong lol!!1

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  15. You know, it only bothers me if I am the one that accidentally puts it on the wrong way. I like it overhanded but I don't get cheesed if it is the other way...or just put on the edge of the sink. But I can see where it would cause problems. People freak about little things. I can't get into bed unless it is made. Meaning if my husband goes to sleep before me (which is pretty much every night) I have to remake it when I come to bed - even if that means waking him up to do so. One day, maybe he'll learn not to sleep so recklessly.

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    1. So you wake him up, get him out of bed so you can make the bed? Omg, TOO funny!!!!

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  16. We are definitely an overhanded household. It is easier to scratch up the roll that way, too.

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  17. Overhand here too. My mom does it your way. If I'm at her house I switch it. I was raised underhanded but I worked as a chambermaid during all my school vacations and summers and since we had to fold the end into a point, it had to go overhanded and that's when I started doing it at home too. Not the point, just the overhanded thing.

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    1. If you want to work here during your next vacation, I wouldn't mind the pointy tails...

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  18. We have two toilets here. One is done his way (the wrong way) and the other hangs tail to the wall. And yes, if he finishes a roll he leaves it empty for the toilet roll fairies to replace. Hiss and spit.

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    1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - "hiss and spit" - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  19. Cool...an unofficial TP poll. Didn't think that I'd be gettting into THAT this morning. Sorry, I'm with big Dave on this one. Gotta be over the top...much easier for graspage.

    I recall reading a "Miss Manners" column years ago where she answered that very question. Her reply? "A lady should not have to go searching around for the end of the paper, it should be easily available on the top." (or words to that affect).

    Fortuntely, V and myself are on the same page of the leaflet with this topic!

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    1. I bet this very topic is in some pre-nups. Or it should be...

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  20. The right way to do it is so the paper hangs down. You wouldn't want the paper hanging up, would you?

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    1. I dunno, Bear, maybe it would be better hanging from the ceiling. Huh... let me ponder this a bit. Could be a new invention in the works.

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    2. If you patent the new invention, please share the royalty with me. OK?

      (You don't want to see me angry.)

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  21. I can't really join in the vote here, cause I'm beyond excited if someone (other than me) places the stupid tee pee back on the dang roll, at all!!

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  22. Dear Abby... or maybe Ann Landers ... one of the advice columnists... ran a question on this subject once, and got a TON of letters from her readers. Evidently, people are quite opinionated about the matter. I'm in a mixed marriage: I like the paper to roll from the backside, (HA! fitting, don't you think?) and my hubby likes to roll it from the top. Our solution? Whoever hangs it gets to hang it as (s)he sees fit. Neither of us care enough to make a big deal about it. Our cats, on the other hand, definitely prefer the end hanging away from the wall. Makes for easier access. (And if they shred it because it's hung that way, my husband can jolly well clean it up!)

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  23. I live in a house with four boys. Need I say more? :)

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  24. I live with four boys also... so the toilet paper should be in the bathroom and not at the store waiting to be purchased. At this point, it's all I can hope for.

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