Thursday, May 1, 2014

B is for BBQ Sauce


Wait a cotton-picking minute! I don't NEED a letter in front of my post anymore!

*laughing like a maniac and running around the house in my gramma-style pink nightgown, with birdies in cages & drooling cats, and coffee spilled down the front*

I just dumped a practically full bottle of barbecue sauce down the sink. I feel so WASTEFUL and yet so HAPPY, all at the same confused time.

See, I don't waste stuff. Not generally, unless it's a vegetable and I buy it with good intentions and then let it rot in the fridge amidst guilt-juice and weight-mayo. But seriously, I'm old-school because, well, because I'm old, and maybe I didn't grow up in the Great Depression lucky to have any kind of food on the table at all and everyone ate turnips and bedbugs, and my parents didn't either, and my grandparents had money, but SURELY some poor schmuck in my lineage grew up eating bark, so if I buy something I don't like I generally suck-it-up-buttercup and eat it until it's done.

Hang on. I need to breathe.

OK. So. I bought some Bull's Eye Bold BBQ Sauce the other day because I needed BBQ sauce and I picked it up without realizing I HATED IT. Why do I keep doing this? Year after year I buy this crap because I've forgotten, over the long winter, that I detested it. Spring hits, I get a hankering to dig the barbecue out of the snowbank, and I wind up buying Bull's Eye again. Argh! Somebody smack me!

I didn't even realize it until the other night when I made absolutely delicious homemade hamburger patties and grilled them to perfection. I turned off the 'cue, covered the hamboigies with an inch of cheddar cheese, then smothered them with this BBQ sauce.

It absolutely ruined the boigies. I couldn't even eat mine. What a disappointment.

As I was cleaning up the supper mess, I automatically put the evil BBQ sauce back in the fridge. Y'know, as you do. But then I've been stressing about it ever since. This morning I was laying in bed thinking about it, having a conversation in my head with the BBQ sauce.

"You don't OWN me. You're not the boss of me! Why should you get free rent in my refrigerator? You dont' even taste good, for crying out loud. You DISGUST me. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"

And with that I jumped out of bed, well not exactly jumped, more like waddled, marched down the stairs, flung open the fridge door and snatched the offending bottle.

"TAKE THAT, YOU DIRTY RAT," I hollered, as I opened the lid and dumped the brown goop down the garburator.

The sauce begged, I swear it cried, too, but I just laughed, HAHAHAHAHA, and shook the evil bottle and it glomped like The Blob down the drain.


22 comments:

  1. Crazy woman lol. I like Bulls Eye Chicken and Rib Renegade BBQ sauce...however, I don't put it on hamburgers...just chicken and ribs.

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    1. Well that makes sense!!! I haven't tried the Bulls Eye brand but I do like chick 'n rib sauces. They have a way nicer flavour. I think, like Joanne says, the other one has a mesquite flavour that turns me off.

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  2. OMG! How bad could it be? How could you mess up BBQ sauce? Well unless it's got that awful mesquite flavouring. That's pretty gross, I agree. Why don't you use ketchup on your boiger? My mom is the type who will waste $5 in gas to return a $1 item to the store. Drives me crazy.

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    1. YES! It has that gross mesquite flavouring! EWWWWWW!

      I do use ketchup on my boigy. And relish. And mustard. And onions. And tomatoes. And cheese. And lettuce. And whatever other godawful crap is sitting around in the fridge.

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    2. With all those "extras" how do you taste the boigy at all?
      My burgers get onions and sauce, either tomato or bbq, but salad on the side.

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  3. Ix nay on BBQ sauce. Ix nay on anything between me and the taste of what I'm eating. My father looked at my brother one evening. The latter had the ketchup bottle upended over his meatloaf. My father said "How can you put that on your mother's good cooking?" I'm a suck-up, I quit putting anything on my mother's cooking, thereby learning she really was a bad cook. Now I skip the condiments just to see if I'm eating good cooking or not.

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    1. You're SUCH a purist, Mizz Joanne! I'm a smother-er .... sometimes I could skip the main course and just eat the condiments ... especially on my own cooking. (Have you tasted my cooking? You'd be smothering, too!!!)

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  4. I hate to waste stuff, too. But we just cleaned out the freezer and there was stuff in there from the last ice age. (Ha! Get it?!) :)

    Like the new pic in the heading!

    Madeline @ The Shellshank Redemption

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    1. Ice age! I got it! You're a funny gurl, you.

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  5. I always buy too many veggies that I never get round to eating, then leave them to fester in the fridge because I feel so bad about throwing them away, even though they are completely inedible!
    (I do throw them away eventually though - just incase you thought I was a rotten veggie hoarder!)

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    1. Fester... I love that word. Festering vegetables? Not so much .... And no, Ermie, I would never think of you as a rotten veggie hoarder.

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  6. And now you are free. Free of the pseudo sauce AND free of the alphabet mania. Woo Hoo.

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    1. Love your new header. Now that is the life. Though I would like a flunky to bring me drinks and snacks too.

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    2. Yes, you're right. A flunky is needed. Because it's going to be hard as hell getting out of that hammock without losing that tiny bikini!

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  7. I'd be more inclined to use ketchup, relish, or mayo on a burger. Honey mustard if it's around. Regular mustard I don't care for.

    Terrific new header, Cathy!

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    1. Isn't it pretty? Thanks William! I hope all the pastels don't chase you away!

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  8. Victory! Now you just have to get a tattoo that says "Don't buy Bull's Eye BBQ Sauce" so you don't forget again.

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  9. Is there a BBQ sauce brand that you DO like?
    Maybe it would taste better if you just spread a teensy amount instead of smothering the burger? This goes for any brand, not just the Bulls Eye Bold.
    I have a Master Foods BBQ sauce in the fridge and I use the stuff so rarely and so sparingly, one bottle lasts for years!

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    1. I like the Kraft brands, especially the chicken 'n rib... and I really like homemade sauce. I make a simple one that has salsa, ketchup, brown sugar, garlic and onions. Really delish.

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    2. Ooh, I HATE salsa! hate hate hate.

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  10. Ha! Nice relapse into alphabet blogging, Cathy. Congratulations on passing your finish line!

    I enjoy honey BBQ sauce, myself...

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