Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Amazing Smoking Toddler

So here's the thing – this kid looks GOOD smoking.
He's got the style thing down pat. The sexy exhale. The pursed lips.
The steam-throw-blow-out that says, "Hey, I got something important to say, so listen up."
But he's TWO.
How much can he possibly say? 
"Yeah, I always wondered what Godot was waiting for... and now I know - it's a fresh set of Huggies."
Or, "Bring me another round of breastmilk, Big Mama, I got me a hankering for some fresh moo juice and ya know it's better for me than Enfalac ... not that I really care, I'm gonna have cancer by the time I'm in preschool ... hey, who's got a light?"
I want to see this kid when he's 20, all wrinkled up and diseased and sallow, coughing up a yard of phlegm, smelling like an old man's underpants.
Still, as an ex-smoker, I gotta admit, I get a bad case of the Jones just looking at this kid.
I wonder if he'd let me have a drag.
Just one.
I wouldn't get the filter all smarmy, I promise.
C'mon ... no one will know...
I'll slip ya a ten-spot ya dirty bugger.

P.S. - I had the video posted here but, as Alan sez, the "evil ones" took it down. The kid doesn't look quite as suave in this shot.

9 comments:

  1. Hilarious and demented at the same time... wow!!

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  2. left me without words... with the exception of the ones I just typed.. and these ones too. OOps and those ones as well.

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  3. Sorry I missed the video before it got snatched away by the evil ones. Where does a 2year old get the money for cigs I wonder? Hey, that was funny and sad all hand-rolled into one loose little cancer stick. I hope I never smell like old man's underpants...

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  4. I did a google search and found the clip. I think that kid is smoking for than tobacco.

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  5. Smoke on, little man. Smoke on.

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  6. What kind of parents would allow their child to do this and why would they advertise it to the world. I saw it on t.v. What's this old world coming to.

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