Thursday, February 9, 2012

Sharp objects

John Wiswell wanted me to pose with the sharpest object in my house. Well, Wiswell (get it? Well, Wiswell? heh) the sharpest objects are outside my house. Remember that kid in The Christmas Story that got a BB in his eye and blamed it on an icicle? I was reminded of that kid today. I was thinking that maybe posing with an icicle pointed at the eye that had surgery two days ago is not the smartest idea I ever had. There was no one around to take these photos so I improvised. This photo? It was meant to be a full frame of my face and the icicle. You can see how that worked.

So I thought, maybe I'll take a picture of my reflection with the icicle. In the first pose I just stood there. It wasn't too exciting so this time I lifted my leg in the air and leaned to the left. I think this pose is so much more dramatic, although in hindsight I realize it looks like I'm peeing on the kitchen table.

At first I thought I looked like Paul McCartney in this photo. That was a couple of hours ago. Now I think I look like death warmed over, or perhaps a wax statue of Paul McCartney, you know, if he gained weight and grew boobs. Look at my lips. Look harder, they're there. They totally blend in with my face. It's like I don't even have lips. If it wasn't for yellow teeth, you wouldn't even be able to tell I had a mouth. Until I opened it, that is. 

Again with the drama. I studied theatre arts for three years in high school. It was one of my best subjects. I know, you're not surprised. (Drama Queen. You're thinking it. Don't deny it.) At least I have lips in this photo. Actually, I don't. I took a picture of my cat's arse and photoshopped it on my chin.

I dunno. I have no idea. All I can say is "theatre arts." Oh, and constipation.



All this is in aid of the Liebster Blog Award, which John Wiswell honoured me with this morning. I think the rules are something like, take a photo of yourself with the sharpest object in the house and name five other bloggers who you think aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. Or maybe they ARE the sharpest knives. Sharp. Dull, wtf, I don't know. I forget and I'm way too lazy to go back to John's and find out.

In the spirit of passing on the Liebster love, I'm honouring these lucky folks:

Lisa at Diary of a Square Toothed Girl because she is funny and she doesn't dye her hair, which makes her my hero. And apparently she has square teeth, but you couldn't prove it by me - mostly she has her lips closed in her photos. At least she has lips. Doesn't have to photoshop pictures of her cat's butt. If she even has a cat. That has a butt. Which is a stretch.

John at Going Gently because he, too, is funny and he has crazy pictures of his googly-eyed chickens on his masthead and he just gave whole new meaning to the slogan "put pork on your fork," stirring up quite a controversy. Somebody even sent him graven voodoo messages involving scary stuff - I forget what it was, but it was scary. Also he posts photos of very good looking men sometimes. Y'know, when he's not showcasing hens.

Cro at Magnon's Meanderings because he's friends with John and they're both over across the pond somewhere and they both have an inordinate amount of dogs and they're funny and I think if I don't include both then one will get jealous. You know how men are. Sheesh. Cro has scintillating games like "guess what breed of dog" he has and "what came first, the lizard or the frozen egg." Also, he bakes. Ladies - I know! He's a catch! Alas, he is married to Lady Magnon but we can continue to worship him from afar.

Tulpen at Bad Words because no one else swears as much as her and is so funny in the process. And also heartwarming, but you don't want to hear all that mushy junk. You just want a laugh, right? Do I know you or what? No? Oh go feck yourself then. Way you go. Piss off.

And finally, I can't go without mentioning Daisy the Curly Cat because she's a cat and she has more followers than most of the human bloggers I know. She's a fashion model, she's a comedienne and, I dunno, she likes pink. So we have a lot in common, as you can see. Plus, before I had my surgery? She sent me a message and said her "purrs were with me." Purrs.. get it?

OH, and my surgery was tremendous. It was a MIRACLE! I can see, blessed mother of pearl, I CAN SEE! Thanks for all your brilliant wishes and purrs. I was all verklempt when I read them.

41 comments:

  1. Holy crap!! That's a scary pic!! Move away from that icicle, Cathy!

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  2. Fair lady, thou dost honour a gentleman too much, methinks. Bisou, Cro.

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  3. Yay. I am so please that your eye surgery worked. And soooo impressed at the photo with your leg in the air. My face would have been on the floor very quickly.
    That is quite an icicle. I don't think I have every seen one that big. One of the better known mystery writers had the murder victim stabbed to death with an icicle which melted leaving no weapon and no clue. And I have no clue who it was.
    And congratulations on the deserved award as well.

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  4. That first photo makes me shiver. That's one wicked icicle! Glad to hear the eye surgery went well!

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    1. TS, my gawd those are sharp scissors on your blog!

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  5. Ok, girl, first off THANK YOU FOR THE AWARD!!! Secondly, I'm SO glad your surgery went well. I was thinking about you this morning while I was vacuuming-which is neither here nor there, but--you were on my mind. And thirdly, Mountain Man and I haven't laughed that hard in a good six months as we just did reading this H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. post. Sending you love from Washington!!!

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  6. Step away from the icicle. Step away from Photoshop. And please, PLEASE, step away from the cat's arse.

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    1. Tim, I laughed out loud at this one. OUT LOUD, I swear!

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  7. Glad to hear your surgery went well! (you'd think having improved vision would keep you safely away from sharp, pointy things - now you can see where you're going! ;-p)

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  8. greetings and thanks from North Wales....... in true Sally Field style I want to shriek " you like me... you like me!!!!!!!!"

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    1. John, that's my favourite acceptance speech of all time!!!

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  9. Cathy, I crack me up, you really do. Those pictures were awesome. And verklempt! That is a seriously underused word. I love how you just tossed it in there.

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    1. You crack me up too, Laurita. And yes, verklempt just isn't used often enough since Mike Myers left Saturday Night Live.

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  10. Hey...I can't call you Squinty or Hawkeye anymore... So glad all went well. Congratulations on the award..well deserved. Now, step AWAY from the icicle.

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    1. Oh Delores, you can still call me Hawkeye if you want. I loved that nickname!

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  11. You are so comical! Drama Queen...yes, but the absolute bestest kind!
    Thanks for serving laughter on a platter. I don't have to go looking for it. It's like take-out - already prepared.

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    1. "Laughter on a platter." See? That's why you're a famous writer lady, Laura!

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  12. Having read the blog before and knowing about the icicle, I really cracked up at you photographing with it. Love this, Cathy.

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    1. John, thank you so much for thinking of me. You made my day!

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  13. Those photos were hilarious!
    And congratulations on the award.

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  14. This is such a funny post as in made me laugh at your antics. Although I'm new to your blog, I did read the post where you mentioned your surgery, and I'm so glad it went well. However, may I suggest you stay farther away from pointy icicles?

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  15. Love the pics, Cathy.

    And here I was coming to give you ANOTHER blog award. In light of the Liebster love above - feel free to accept or give it a pass - but if there ever was a "Versatile Blogger" - it's you!

    Chris

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  16. Perhaps proving myself to weird to know, I have to tell you, I loved that second photo!

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  17. Hooray for good surgery! But you are making me a little bit skerred with that pointy icicle so close to your eyeball.

    ps: Congratulations on your award, and thank you everso for thinking of me, too :)

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    1. now I have just recieved an email from a neighbour and friend in the village,.... herE is some of it

      "Small world or not ? saw on your blog about Bracebridge....well Claires grandfathe was from Bracebridge in Ontario, small place but smaller world. He was a despatch rider for the Canadian Army in WW2, he was injured in Siciliy and then invalided back to the UK prior to Normandy invasions. He met Claires grandmother whilst recuperating in Uk and although they briefly moved back to Bracebridge after the war, they eventually returned to the UK and settled here. His name was Lorne Glover, ( Lorence )....i have an old photo pf him with his platoon in Fort William Ontario ....such a strange find"

      do you know the family?

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    2. Thanks Daisy!! I always think of you and your fashion-minded cuteness.

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    3. John - This is such COOL information and yeah, small world or what? I wish I could say I knew the Glovers but I don't. I have only lived here for a couple of years and thus am strictly a newbie who barely knows her neighbours. I will ask around though, see what I can come up with. Bracebridge has about 16,000 people living here year-round and the population swells by a hundredfold in the summer when cottagers and tourists come up to play.

      What a romantic story, though. And just in time for Valentine's Day! Thanks so much!

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  18. Love this post...I love when those icicles hang like that.

    Stopping by from Leaky Pencil...congrats on your nomination. I am in the list too and wanted to visit all the blogs.

    Hope you can stop by for a visit at my blog.

    NEW FOLLOWER

    Elizabeth

    http://silversolara.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Elizabeth! I will drop by! And thanks for the follow :)

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  19. Gee Cathy I love the way you write, you're so entertaining. ^__^ Very pleased to hear the surgery went well and congrats on the award! I think this deserves a double dose of sparkly glitter, two achievements here, the award and regaining your sight. ^___^ ☾✫ ✭ ☆ ☆ ✭ ✫☽ .•*´¨❀❀.¸.•*´¨❀
    .•*´¨❀❀.¸.•*´¨❀
    ☾¸¸.☆¨¯` ☽

    ☾✫ ✭ ☆ ☆ ✭ ✫☽.•*´¨❀❀.¸.•*´¨❀ .•*´¨❀❀.¸.•*´¨❀
    ☾¸¸.☆¨¯` ☽ ☾✫ ✭ ☆ ☆ ✭ ✫☽ .•*´¨❀❀.¸.•*´¨❀
    ☾¸¸.☆¨¯` ☽

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How's it going, eh? It's SO good to hear from you. Tell me every darn thing...