Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Will my ass fit?



Will my ass fit in an airplane seat?

Since we're flying out to Edmonton tomorrow morning, I am reminded of that Dodge Ram pick-up truck commercial where one redneck asks the other redneck "does that thing have a Hemi?" and the driver of the truck says, "You're about to find out."

I guess I'm about to find out.

What if it doesn't? Dear lord, can you imagine having to ask for another seat, or one of those seat belt expander-thingeys, and causing a fuss, all because my ass and the Goodyear Blimp are second cousins?

I tried to do a little research, googling "Will my ass fit in an airplane seat?" but didn't get a satisfactory reply, but boy-oh-boy, those images I DID get will forever be retinally burned.

What I'd like to do is find the seat measurements and then measure my ass. Anyone know how wide the seats are in Westjet's economy section? Anyone want to measure my ass? Dave's not here to help ...

I'm really nervous about this. Not about the flying itself, just about the ass-thing.

I was thinking that my ass squeezes into movie theatre and hockey arena seats – surely airplane seats aren't too much narrower, are they?

Are they? Any frequent flyer folks know the answer to this? Should I bring an ass-horn? Crisco? Any suggestions?

13 comments:

  1. Oh bless ya. Unfortunately I haven't any answers to your question and I don't know the sizes of Westjets seats but I feel for you...I really do x

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  2. I think your ass will fit. If it fits a movie seat or a stadium seating your in luck. Stadium seating might be a tad littler than a airline seat. It has been about 5 years since I was a frequent flier. Hope you have a great trip.

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  3. I sadly know the answer to this question... it's likely 18 inches. Which in all honesty, wouldn't fit my son's ten year old ass much less my left thigh. But no worries, much like the wonders of Egypt and how your children automatically desperately need you at 2am in the same rare moment when you and the hubs are having "grown up time"...

    It surprisingly all works itself out. You have no idea how it happened, but it does.

    Your butt will fit just fine... if it's like mine, it just becomes more of a muffin top and hangs over the arm rests, which, if you're lucky raise up for additional room after take off. :)

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  4. You crack me up (see what I did there? 'Crack'? lol). I say just shoehorn yourself in and do the best you can. I think it's crazy that they airlines are making the seats tinier when they know North Americans are getting more ruebenesque. Then the ultimate in shaming when they force you to buy a second seat....

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  5. Oh Cathy you are the most happy "butt" I have ever known, and happy butts fit in anywhere. *smile*.. Enjoy your vacation ! xx

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  6. Pretty sure your ass isnt as big as you think. Have good trip. scout out nursing homes for me!

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  7. I've seen some rather large people travel - I think you'll be all right. Safe journey!

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  8. I am certain it will fit! Have a wonderful trip :)

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  9. Oh how I love you Cathy!! I have a rather large friend who told me whenever she travels, she always books two seats, "One for her and one for the rest of her." But I want you to know, she did not fit in the movie seats or stadium seats and was not able to fit into any roller coasters either. So I think you'll be just fine. :)

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  10. I could have seen the title of this blog amongst one hundred others...and I would have instinctively known it was you. When one reads such words, one can only think Cathy Oliiffe-Webster. ("Amadeus" rip-off there...)
    Seriously, you'll fit. Forget asking for a seat-belt expander. Sounds like you'd be wedged in tight enough to hold if something unfortunate DID happen.
    I was in a writing contest once, and the prompt was "fit". I wrote a remarkable story, 500 words to the T. Stayed up all night long laboring over my artfully chosen prose, readying it to present to the writing convention panel the next morning.
    One man's whole story was thus.
    "My wife stood in front of the mirror trying on a pair of pants. She asked me, 'Do these make my ass look big?'"
    He won.
    I took second.
    ~Just Jill

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