Friday, March 8, 2013

Comments, turds and Windex

Oh crap. I just accidentally erased about a bazillion comments. I AM SO SORRY. I was actually trying to delete the 12,789 spam comments built up and somehow wound up deleting REAL comments.

I suck.

Anyway, don't think I hate you or anything weird. I'm just a luddite.

Isn't that a weird word, by the way? It sounds like LEAD, which is heavy, and LITE, which is, well, light. Right? Weird ...

So what's new with you? Did you release that book? Did you have that baby? Did you bail out your mother from jail? Did she look good in orange?

Me? Not much. Well that's a big fat lie. I've been cleaning the house like a mad woman, making it ready to sell. I've been buying flowers and everything. The other night I pricked my finger on a thorn. Doesn't that make me Sleeping Beauty? How come I can't sleep then? My finger hurts like a bugger, though.

The other day I was picking up frozen dog turds on the front lawn. I was using a cheap plastic shovel and the turds weren't cooperating. Especially this one turd. I almost had it on the shovel four times before I gave up and picked it up with my bare hands and threw it in the turd bag. It was a revelation, picking up that little turd. I'd never before in my life, in 52 years, ever picked up a turd with my bare hands. It wasn't so bad, either. Cold and lifeless at first, but seconds later the heat from my fingers already started to form a slick slipperiness. I'm thinking it wouldn't take much to thaw a frozen turd. Just warm it up in the palm of your hand and, bob's your uncle, it's ready to go.

By the way, I felt so, um, soiled after that. It was just like those clichéd rape scenes in the movies, where the woman goes in the shower and washes her skin off, or Lady MacBeth reaching for the Out Damned Spot Remover. That was me, washing my hands all day. I still look at my fingers suspiciously, sniffing them for any little turd residue. I fear I will never feel clean again.

What am I talking about... of course they're clean! I've been nuzzling up to the Windex bottle all freaking week. Four house showings in one week! That's pretty good, right? Now if only someone will buy the house, I'll get to go out west and be with my Dave. He arrived in Cold Lake tonight (Friday). He left Tuesday morning and drove 10 hours a day every day. He's settled into his room, he's got his tools in his new workplace and he's tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired but happy to finally be here. This is one big country we live in.

Speaking of Windex, don't you love the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Remember? He thinks Windex is a cure for everything.

Toula Portokalos: [narrating] My dad believed in two things: That Greeks should educate non Greeks about being Greek and every ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy can be cured with Windex. 

Toula Portokalos: I woke up with this huge zit this morning. 
Ian Miller: Where? 
Toula Portokalos: [points to spot on face] There. 
Ian Miller: I had a huge zit this morning! 
Toula Portokalos: Really? Where? 
Ian Miller: [points to his face] Well, it was there, but it's gone now. 
Toula Portokalos: Why? 
Ian Miller: I put some Windex on it. 


  1. Thanks for the laugh! Great movie.
    Good luck with selling the house.

  2. Poor, poor Cathy. Dog and cat turds are really, really not good. One of our neighbours lets their dog run free. Said dog prefers to crap on our lawn. So bad tempered me bags it up and posts it in their letter box. I have asked nicely - but no, nothing happens. So sometimes, just sometimes I am the turd poster.
    Do you think Windex could be a dieting aid as well?
    Good luck with the house. Hugs.

  3. I can see why you eliminated the anonymous option in your comments a while back. What a pain! I'll understand if you take it off again, Cathy. Really I will... I'm still laughing at your dog turd story! "Slick slipperiness" Ew!! Is Cold Lake ready for you??


  4. Cathy it will sell in a dime it is so cute.

  5. Ha! I love that movie - 'Why you wanna leave meeee?' ;-p
    I'm sure the house will sell soon. As for the doggy deposits - next time use rubber gloves! :-)

  6. It's so hard doing the neverending clean thingie when you are trying to sell your house....everything is soooo tidy and sooo clean it is almost painful. Hope it sells fast for you.

  7. Hope you find someone interested in the house soon! Especially with all that cleaning.

  8. Funny you mention your spam folder b/c I just checked mine and there are over 10,000 comments that I'd have to go thru in order to get rid of the spam. I decided not to bother. I just delete whichever ones make it into the post comments!!! Hey I hear you on the turd thing....if I have to clean one up, out come the rubber gloves and gobs of paper towels. I have to cut off my sense of smell too. lol

  9. Lol ... yuck! Your home is darling; I'm sure that you will have no trouble selling it.

    Kathy M.

  10. Hehehe - I remember that same revelation cleaning out the horses... I'll never stretch to dog poo though - eeew... I still remember the hours of showering!
    Sounds like you've been mega bsy... I've got a new job, am jumping out of a plane for charity in May and I have a new short story collection on Amazon... so enough to be getting on with :)
    Laura x

  11. That's one of my favorite scenes... Tony thinks he can cure anything with Neosporin. :) No babies (thank GAWD) Mom's still out on probation, and I still look great in orange but not so great in zip ties. :)

    Still getting over the head cold, survived another snow storm.... not to be confused with a turd storm...

  12. I love, love, love My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Hubby didn't like it so much as he said it was too close to marrying in to my family. I, of course, don't know what he's talking about.

    Hope one of the house viewings turn into a sale!

  13. Replies
    1. It's me Dave. You are still signed in on the laptop. LOL

    2. And I love that you love yourself so much! :)

      *she waves HI to Dave from New England*

    3. Awww Dave, you took a little piece of Cathy with you.....


  14. Oops! I did the same thing - accidentally deleted all my comments when trying to delet spam.
    the Ol'Buzzard

  15. I really ought to track down My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

  16. What a hoot! My gr-kids have stepped in dog poo, and it became my job to scrub the shoe. Disney princess shoes have quite intricate designs on the soles, curse them.

    Good luck on the sale.

  17. Your home will sell QUICK! NO worries! And your hand will be clean day. ;)

  18. I'm here because of our mutual friend, Lisa! And so glad I stopped by. I am the pooper-scooper around here, most weeks... and even when I have my yard gloves on AND I'm using the little plastic bags I collect the turds in, I STILL feel like I have to wash my hands, a lot. Good luck with feeling clean again!

  19. I just wandered over from the square-toothed girl and immediately felt right at home with you and your poopsicles! I was out the other day scooping with plastic bags on my hands contemplating just how protective of a barrier they were.

  20. I, too, am here because of Square-Toothed Lisa, and I have to say, she was absolutely right. You are hilarious! Hope your house sells QUICKLY and that you and Dave will be back together again in no time. Keep (us!) laughing, and best wishes!

  21. I'm thinking of eliminating the Anonymous option at my blog... three spammers got right past the spam filters in my latest blog. And I had three hundred messages in my email this morning, most with spam notifications for the blog. Most of those were caught by the filters automatically, with others waiting for moderation.


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