Damned Jacuzzi timer

The timer on my Jacuzzi is askew.

(I know, another one of those First World problems that plague the universe. There are starving people in Africa – nay, just down the street, and I'm bitching about my Jacuzzi. But I digress...)

So I know time goes faster as one ages, but holy crap, that Jacuzzi timer is hellbent for the end of days. When we first moved here, an hour on the timer meant an hour in the tub. All was right with the world. Lately I've noticed that an hour of Timer-time is less than hour, and it's getting lesser all the time. Just now I had a bath, set the darned thing for a full hour, and was just thinking about how fast the thing was whizzing around when, CLICK, it shut off.

I say CLICK instead of a more muffled click because that thing clicks off like it's got a stick of dynamite up its butt. I mean, I get in the Jacuzzi to relax and it's all relaxing and zen-like until the big CLICK then my heart explodes in my chest and I shit the tub.

I was barely wet when it CLICKED. I hadn't even shaved the pine forest in my pits yet. If that timer moves at real time and life is flashing by faster and faster, I'll not only be growing a pine forest, I'll be planted in a pine box.