Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Damned Jacuzzi timer

The timer on my Jacuzzi is askew.

(I know, another one of those First World problems that plague the universe. There are starving people in Africa – nay, just down the street, and I'm bitching about my Jacuzzi. But I digress...)

So I know time goes faster as one ages, but holy crap, that Jacuzzi timer is hellbent for the end of days. When we first moved here, an hour on the timer meant an hour in the tub. All was right with the world. Lately I've noticed that an hour of Timer-time is less than hour, and it's getting lesser all the time. Just now I had a bath, set the darned thing for a full hour, and was just thinking about how fast the thing was whizzing around when, CLICK, it shut off.

I say CLICK instead of a more muffled click because that thing clicks off like it's got a stick of dynamite up its butt. I mean, I get in the Jacuzzi to relax and it's all relaxing and zen-like until the big CLICK then my heart explodes in my chest and I shit the tub.

I was barely wet when it CLICKED. I hadn't even shaved the pine forest in my pits yet. If that timer moves at real time and life is flashing by faster and faster, I'll not only be growing a pine forest, I'll be planted in a pine box.

23 comments:

  1. Gotta say...a little relieved that that sentence ended with 'my pits'....lmao I thought we were on the verge of a real TMI moment. lmao Next time bring the oven timer out there and see which one goes off first, then you'll know if the jacuzzi timer is broken.

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    1. What's an oven timer? (Or, is that why I burn everything?)

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  2. Set it for two hours and see what happens!

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    1. It doesn't go to two hours! It's not like a guitar amplifier that goes to 11...

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  3. Hey, if the timer goes forward fast enough, maybe it'll send you back in time! Isn't that how relativity works? Something like that?

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    1. Geez, I dunno Paula - I didn't pay that much attention in physics class...

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  4. Hope you can get it fixed . I am a shower person lol ! Have a good day .

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  5. It is trying to convince you that hair is good. And should remain. Or it is broken. One or the other.

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    1. Probably the latter, I'm guessing. I asked Dave about it last night and he thinks the timer is out of whack as well. So at least I know it's not a personal vendetta the timer has!

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  6. You shave in the jacuzzi?
    IN THE JACUZZI?
    IN....
    Buy a kitchen timer and use that instead of the defunct jacuzzi timer. You deserve a full hour of joy.

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    1. I think if I'm shitting in the Jacuzzi that shaving is the least of my troubles...

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  7. Could be all jammed up with some of that 'pine forest' you were talking about lol.

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    1. See, actually I lied right there. I think the last time I shaved my legs was Christmas ... of 1987.

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  8. Oh my gosh your posts always make me crack up! I react like a cat to loud noises, so naturally my family loves to tease me by purposely making sudden loud noises to see how high I will jump or if they can make me pee... ha ha. I can so relate to your jacuzzi woes.

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    1. ME TOO - and yes, they do the same thing to me! Think they're hilarious, don't they? Oh, it's all fun and games until Mom is dead on the kitchen floor...

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  9. Good things pass to fast while bad times seem to last forever. Buy your old man a six pack of beer and have him sit by the timer and readjust it until you are satisfied. Could it be all the hair sucked up in the intake jets have screwed up the timer?

    Have a good bath
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  10. What if the pine box had a jacuzzi function? Then you could just skip your current disobedient tub altogether.

    My mom has one of these jacuzzis. Swears by it, but I think her timer's off as well. Is it easy for these to malfunction?

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  11. Sorry to learn of your "un-timely misadventure." Perhaps time to replace the timer, which I'm sure won't cost more than a thousand dollars (parts, labour, and taxes).

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  12. Those timers aren't precision timepieces for sure. I had lights on timers when I went on vacation last year. By the time I got back home the lights were going on in the daytime instead of after dark for when I had them set. That was a useless waste.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

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