Friday, September 12, 2014

The Chains That Bind


You're all my friends, so you know this, but in the winter of 2005 my life changed irrevocably. I went from Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm to a criminal in one fell swoop. Me and the ex had the biggest fight of our lives after he was caught cheating and, in my anger and pain, I swatted him with a Dr. Seuss book.

Green Eggs & Ham. Naturally. If you're gonna swat someone with kid-lit, it might as well be the best.

I called the cops to have him removed from the house, but instead of asking him to leave, they arrested me for assault. When I freaked out, one of cops stuck his hand over my mouth to shut me up, and I bit one officer's gloved finger.

Without further adieu, I was handcuffed, charged with assault police and escorted to jail for the night.

Yada, yada, yada. I apologize if you've heard this a million times before.

No big deal, right? I mean, people spend nights in jail all the time. People on TV crime dramas don't think twice about it. But not "people like me." I was the epitome of Betty Crocker. June Cleaver. Mary Fecking Sunshine. I was a do-gooder, an environmentalist, a politically active world-beater. And I truly used to believe cops were my friends.

Basically I was a naive asshole who didn't know shite from shinola. Or a can from canola. (Substitute any grain or gluten-free product you prefer here.)

Since that time I have carried the weight of a criminal record. You'd be surprised how this affects you. On top of the morbid embarrassment of it all, you can't get a passport. You can't travel out of the country. You can't volunteer at a school or anywhere else that demands a clean record. You can't get life insurance. You can't be bonded or be hired for certain jobs. In short, if you can possibly avoid biting a cop's thumb and smacking your ex, I would highly recommend said avoidance.

Years passed. Life carried on and, in fact, improved. Everything has come up roses for me in just about every way. My marriage break-up was probably the best thing that could have happened. Still, the record lingered, reminding me every once in a while with a sadistic kick in the gut that "you're not normal, you're an outcast, you're a criminal."

This spring I finally decided to find out if my record still held, because honestly I wasn't sure how many years had to pass before the record was expunged. So I gathered up my courage and went to the local cop shop to get fingerprinted. I have to tell you, it was a really traumatic moment. My experience with police made me terrified of them. I don't like them. I don't trust them. When I see events like the killing of Mike Brown I have no doubt the cop was a vicious, racist killer.

That night I reached out for help when I needed it most and instead of helping, or showing any kind of sensitivity, they arrested me for swatting my ex with a book. I mean, seriously? The whole night could have gone so much differently if they had any brains in their heads. But I digress ... just trust me when I say I was shaking in my boots and filling my drawers with stinky stuff when I went to get fingerprinted that day.

I mailed the prints and a form off to Ottawa, to RCMP headquarters, and waited for them to do a criminal record check. I waited. And waited.

And waited some more.

And then got tired of waiting and almost forgot about it.

Last week I finally heard back. A letter from the RCMP was in my mailbox, addressed to me. I opened it with shaking hands and held my breath as I scanned the piece of paper for the verdict:


I can barely describe how awesome I feel. How nine years of pain has been washed away.

I am finally free.

37 comments:

  1. Congratulations! You are literally a free woman now. You are free to move about the country and beyond. Celebrate that news big time, Cathy.

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    1. Alex - I saw that one comment had popped up and I just KNEW it was you. Dear, faithful Alex. I don't deserve your comment, I really don't, but please know I appreciate it and always welcome your friendly face, er, spaceship thingeys.

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    1. It's ALMOST as good as not colouring my hair anymore!!!

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  3. Yay! Now you can visit me and make me meatloaf!

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    1. You know what Rachel? There's probably nothing I'd enjoy more. :)

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  4. I didn't know that records could go away...
    huh...
    And, unfortunately, cops are people, too.

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    1. It must be a Canadian thing! I'm not sure ALL records go away (I'm almost positive murder doesn't, but I wouldn't swear on it).

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  5. I am so happy for you.....off to get that passport now and head for somewhere sunny to celebrate.

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    1. Good idea, Delores! That is absolutely my next step! Thanks for being sweet... sorry I haven't been by your blog more often. I've been a bad, bad blogger lately and miss everyone.

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  6. That's awesome new, cathy! I'm really happy for you. Time to celebrate by taking that long drive and crossing the border into Montana...to seek out crops of dental floss, or some such thiing.

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    1. Thanks so much Alan! SO happy to see your comment here! Glad to see you're still bopping around the internet world!

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  7. Kathy, from the first time I heard your story I was horrified at what you went through. The police abused their power. I will not voice my opinions of your ex because I know you still speak to him, but my opinion is not a nice one.

    I am very glad you have your life and reputation back. No one should have to go through what you did. You should have clocked the ex with a hardcover copy of war and Peace. At least then it might have been worth it.

    Jacqueline Stirrup

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  8. Woo Hoo. And happy dances.
    And I hope that the oxygen thieves police who showed you so much compassion and empathy ALL suffer with painful hemmorhoids. For the rest of their life.

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  9. Yea! Back to being Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. Glad it's all worked out for you.

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  10. Congratulations!!!!!! Now you can get a passport and visit!! You know my stepdaughter got arrested when she went to the cops to report how her now ex shoved her into a wall and was pounding so hard on the bathroom door she thought he was going to come through it. When he made a disgusting accusation, she smacked him. They arrested her. If any man said to me, or any other woman, what he said to her, we would have smacked them too.

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  11. Oh Cathy, I'm so happy you have your life back! I can't imagine the trauma this must have caused you for so long. Congratulations on regaining your juju!

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  12. You have carried a heavy load for many years. Get that passport and venture out!

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  13. This is the best news of the day; I'm so pleased for you.

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  14. I expect to to visit me as part of your world tour.

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  15. The Who sang, "I'm free, I'm free, and freedom tastes of reality." Happy for your new reality, you criminal you. (j/k, of course)

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  16. Freedom indeed!!! By the way, he deserved to be swatted with the book :)

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  17. Congratulations, Cathy. I have a hard time visualizing you as a criminal. Glad reality has caught up with my vision. Records don't generally get expunged in the States, just one of many ways Canada is a bit more humane than we are. I'm very glad that monkey is off your back.
    ~jon

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  18. Good Lord! I guess it's a good thing I haven't swatted mine with that baseball bat over there. Sheesh. How ridiculous. I'm glad it's over now! Freedom is so sweet!

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  19. My ex would of been worth it all if I had whacked him for all the years of mental and verbal abuse 18 years of crap and having my being stripped from me but instead I nailed him to the wall in court thank god for a good lawyer and my hero now who helped and besides the ex got done in for fraud to the FRO for trying to claim what wasn't his lol ! I am glad you record is clean now ! Thanks for sharing , Have a good weekend !

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  20. Cathy, you never were a criminal. Get your passport both you & Dave & visit these wonderful friends you have. Enjoyed all the above comments. Love Mom

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  21. YEAH YOU!!! (I am still reading your book BTW... so don't ruin the ending for me. Mkay?)

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  22. Cathy, I miss you and love you (and your blog posts) dearly. I'm not blogging now, but I try to check in with people every now and again. I'm so glad I did today! Get that passport, girl, and have a blast! Love, Jenny

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  23. I always thought you had a little Bonny Parker in you. You stood against the machine -own it proudly.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  24. Woo hoo, girl! That's the best news I've heard in a long time. Congratulations, now go invade the U.S. :-)

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  25. Was your record expunged? That's interesting. I didn't know governments eventually deleted such data on people. At the same time, congratulations on getting that nuisance off of your shoulders! Now you can come visit the U.S.

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  26. Woo-Hoo!! Freedom! Smell it, taste it, rejoice in it! You are free!
    Have to say, when I read that part of your book, I couldn't believe how your husband turned the tables on you that way. I wanted to reach into the book and smack him silly. And the policemen? Stupid! You're the one who called them, you should have been listened to. instead you got nine years of shadowed existence.
    But you are free now.

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  27. I am thoroughly thrilled for you Cathy!!! I can only imagine the weight that has been lifted off of your shoulders and how free you feel. This is fabulous news. I hope you and Dave get to do all the travelling you can now.

    Recently, (because we were arguing and I was feeling a bit hormonal) I launched a package of Italian sausage at The Husband. Reading this post kind of made me think... The Hubs could have had me arrested that day. Cause technically, I was assaulting an Officer. But I doubt he'd ever be able to show his face at work again, after reporting an assault by sausage. Ha. If your interested in the full details of the incriminating incident, see my blog post titled "The Great Sausage Debate" :)

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  28. Oh Cathy hugs hugs . B

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  29. It's weird and a sad thing that the things got so twisted and out of hand. Here's hoping your freedom with bring new experiences as you may now have a passport!

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