Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Great, now my fingers stink

Uck. I accidentally touched goo from Dave's salmon sandwich when I was cleaning up the kitchen just now. I had purposely avoided touching any crumbs on the counter but didn't discover until my fingers were in the goo that he had made the sammich on top of the dishwasher. Touched the goo, smelled my fingers, went "blech," scrubbed fingers with Palmolive. Smelling my fingers just now and they still have a lingering fish smell. May have to go wash fingers again. Once a guy from work brought smoked trout and sauerkraut to work and heated it up in the microwave. The whole building smelled like gack. The boss came in from lunch and said, "Who the fuck died in here?" So the legend goes. I didn't actually hear him because I was at my desk, retching.

The key word in that paragraph? Dishwasher! It's, like, the best thing that has ever happened. In. My. Entire. Life. Some day I'm going to do an entire post about the dishwasher, complete with erotic photos of its loveliness. Maybe even a centrefold with a staple in it's silverware rack.

Lost three and a half pounds at Weight Watchers this week. That's 14 and a half pounds in four weeks. Nobody has really noticed any changes yet but I know, for a fact, that my ass is getting smaller. My underwear actually go around it now, not hovering nervously waiting at the top, worried about stretching over the whole thing. My ass is like a planet, but not Saturn, because it doesn't have any rings, unless you want to count my underwear, which sort of ring it. So yes, it's exactly like Saturn.

Tomorrow I have a hair appointment. Did I mention my hair? I hate it right now. What's left of it. About half of it broke off. I seriously have hardly any hair. I look like I've been through chemotherapy. I have to do a comb-over or one side is balder than the other. My once thick locks are now stringy and thin and fried to a crisp. It's the blonding that killed it. Bleached it off in chunks, it did. Made it all brittle. Then I went to bed a couple times with a ponytail and it snapped off where the ponytail holder was. So now I have a dilemma. Do I get it all cut off and start over? Do I cut off to chin length and wait a couple months for the balding areas to catch up to the rest? Do I keep it blonde and risk killing hair in order to avoid skunk head? Or do I go back to brown and do root touch-ups every week? Will seriously consider any advice on this very important topic ...


  1. Use lemon juice on those fingers. Works like a charm (says the woman who used to cut cod tongues in her youth).

    In other news: Hurray for the dishwasher. And also on the weight loss. Well done, you!

    As for hair advice, might I suggest a shave? ;)

  2. The first thing you need to do is get a good cut and then go on here
    go to hair products and get some nissim shampoo nissim conditioner and nissim hair serum...seriously...the MOST fabulous products I have ever used. They encourage hair growth and also give what you have volume. Guaranteed you'll love it and it will get you through the miseries. You may even stick with it after you are back to normal it is THAT good. Also, while it seems a little pricey, it lasts forever so it comes out as pretty savvy financially. Comes in a normal to dry and an oily formula. Good luck. There's nothing worse than a bad hair life.

  3. Bald. Bald is beautiful. You'll love it. Really you will. I swear. Well, after a while you will. It shouldn't take too long for you to get used to it. Then you have to shave it like every other day, or use Nair on it or something, or you could wait a week or so and just, you know, rub your hubby with your head. Bald is cool. You could become a famous DJ!

  4. Fishy fingers cure -- rub your hand over stainless steel. The sink will do. Works, promise.

    And yay on the dishwasher! I love my son even more, because he's the one who fills it these days ;^)

    As for the hair... shear thyself, and let it grow back strong. Three years ago I cut my below-the-shoulder locks to 1.5 inch and have never looked back. Spiky and short, thanks to gels and paste. Peace...

  5. Laurita fittingly got to my suggestion about new hairdo options first.How can someone who likes fishing so much hate the smell of them so bad? Congrats on the new appliance and planetary shrinkage!


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