Sunday, June 17, 2012

Tim VanSant may or may not be funny looking: bizarre questions for Tim VanSant numero dos (and by the way the pig photo really freaks me out)

Q: Why do we never see a photo of you? A BIG photo. I googled you, see, and found only two. In one you were ice climbing or something and your face was covered with goggles (not googles). In the second photo, well, that's a lie – the second photo was so small I couldn't even GUESS what was in it... So what's the deal with you and photos? Are ya funny lookin' or are you hiding from the feds?
A: Who you callin' funny lookin'?
It's simply not true that there are no photos of me online. Granted, I haven't posted any recently. And most of the ones that are posted don't have my name on them. In fact [speaking of modesty], I once bared all -- shocking, but true. Brace yourself. This is not for the faint of heart.

And I bet you thought that I don't just break cameras with my looks, I broke the whole damn Google Images thing. Be honest, now. To be fair though, I not only have posted photos without my name on them, I have appeared in disguise. [About that hiding from the feds thing, I plead the fifth. Wait, you're in Canada. Is "plead the fifth" too much of a U.S.-centric reference?] 

Anyway, I suppose you might have seen this

or this

or this

or this

and you simply could not tell it was me. I'm like a freakin' chameleon, right? Comes in handy for those double-naught super secret spy missions that I -- but I've said too much already. I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

The fact is, I'm more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it. I used to post a lot of photos, but of places I went and people I saw. Photos of me? Not so much. So I'm not very visible online. In fact, I practice being invisible. It's a Jedi mind trick. 
Cathy: Let me see your photos. 
Obi-Tim: [with a small wave of his hand] You don't need to see his photos. 
Cathy: We don't need to see his photos. 
Obi-Tim: These aren't the photos you're looking for. 
Cathy: These aren't the photos we're looking for. 
Obi-Tim: He can go about his business. 
Cathy: You can go about your business. 
Obi-Tim: Move along. 
Cathy: Move along... move along. 

And just like that, I vanish before your eyes. But seriously, ice climbing is one of the coolest [no pun intended] things I have ever done! It was a gorgeous summer day on the Mat-Su glacier in Alaska. It really was just about the best day ever. Plus, not a fed in sight in any direction. So it's one of the few photos of me that I like.

Hey, wouldn't it have been hilarious if I were really horribly disfigured? And that's why I don't allow photos of myself or post any online? And then your question brought that secret to light? And I would have been all like, "Thanks, Cathy! As if your first question didn't cause me enough emotional turmoil." And you would have been all like, "Oops, sorry Tim. My bad." And then we'd both have been like, "Well, were still friends though, right? Bygones and all." And then we would have shared a beverage and we would have laaaauuughed, because it's just so freakin' funny that my secret was out. I mean, that would have been funny... right?

Bored yet?



On the Interweb:
On the Twitter:
On Dasher, on Dancer, on Donner, on Blitzen....


  1. Hilarious!
    Later you will realize those WERE the photos you were looking for.

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  3. Oh, Man. This was a good way to start the day, laughing like a loon.

    How does one detect feds? How do you know they aren't lurking about, or hiding in plain sight? Do they have a tell?

    Just askin'

  4. Thanks for baring it all for us! Now we know you just a little better. And thanks for stopping by today with your encouraging words!

    1. Best of luck with your new novel, Stephen! And for those who want a stellar deal, Stephen is giving away copies of his brand new novel today and tomorrow only! Click on his name/link and it will take you to the freebies!

  5. There is something really sinister about that 'pig' photo.....! :-o

    So, now, I'm feeling like we're having an iceberg-moment: Tim reveals a little of himself, but there's way more still hidden!


    1. I know, right? It reminds me of The Amityville Horror for some reason...

      Yep, Tim is an enigma. I don't know WHAT possessed me to start sending him dumbass questions but I'm loving his funny replies.

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    1. You know it's a slow day when you consider, for a second, not deleting spam.

  7. You're right, Alex. But then of course it will be TOO LATE! ;-)

    I'm always happy to provide a laugh, Laurita. And I think the feds would have been the only people on the glacier wearing suits, ties, and street shoes. I might be wrong about that.

    I have developed a talent, Stephen, for baring all and revealing little.

    Sinister, Sue? Freaks you out, Cathy? But I am a pig. I was born in the year of the pig. Maybe I should consider getting a nose job?

    Spam spam spam spam spam spasm spasm spasm.... ;-)

    Oh, John. I am not normal. Maybe I look that way to you because you're not normal either?


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