Sunday, October 27, 2013

Freakin' Amateurs

I am such a dumb-ass. Yesterday I was at the neighbour's for one of those kitchen parties (you know, with the utensils that cost more than a trip around the fecking world). My neighbour, who is sweet, introduced me to everyone as a "published author" and I modestly explained that my real last name is Atwood, which made them look at me like a bug, and then I said, "no, no, I'm a self-published author and everyone looked relieved because they weren't in the presence of greatness after all.

The sales lady asked me if I had my book edited and I said, well, yes, I have writer friends who edited it for me to which she replied, "I have a friend who self-published a book," and she proceeded to tell me that the book wasn't all that interesting and was absolutely full of spelling errors.

"Huh," I said, because I didn't know what else to say. I'll tell you what I was thinking, though. I was thinking, smugly, that my book is almost typo-free. I was thinking that her friend must be a fecking AMATEUR to put out a book with so many typos. I was feeling all, uppity about my typo-free self.

I will concede that there may be the odd mistake here or there, because nobody's perfect, but I am confident there are very few spelling mistakes in Green Eggs & Weezie, thanks to the eagle eyes of a whole bunch of my editing buddies.

So I looked at her, and smiled graciously, and thought how freakin' fantastic I am compared to her poor spelling-challenged friend.

Pride always goeth before a fall, yes it does.

Last night I was pleased to discover Amazon.com had released the paperback version of my book.  I was all, like, hooting and happy, going over the amazingly professional blurb that I had written for the back cover and then used as a promo to sell the darned thing. This is what I wrote:


Down-to-earth, darkly humorous and wise, Cathy Olliffe-Webster’s debut novel, Green Eggs & Weezie, casts a wry eye over what can happen when even the best marriages go bad. Through the beguilingly earthy Weezie Polk we learn that it’s not a good idea to whack a cheating husband with a Dr. Seuss book; that Anthony Bandero has nothing to do with a Brazilian wax; and that it’s never a good idea to pee your pants in jail.

Anthony Bandero.

ANTHONY BANDERO? Who the feck is Anthony Bandero????

My blood ran cold. I had meant to write ANTONIO BANDERAS, you know, the famous Latin heart-throb and all-round stud-muffin actor, and yet, in a moment of absolute idiocy, I had spelled his name COMPLETELY WRONG, thought it looked just fine in editing and then, not only put it on the promo, but also had illustrator Steven Novak put it on the back cover!

Yep, uppity me, typo-free since never.


43 comments:

  1. Still, that's not near as bad as so many mistakes we see in published books. Chalk it up to a learning experience, not to mention that it will make for a great anecdote at all your book signings!

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  2. Just think - you'll now send scores of people to the Internet, searching for Anthony Bandero!
    What are you going to do but laugh, right?

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  3. You know, it's funnier as Anthony Bandero...

    Well, not so much to a real Anthony Bandero, tax accountant in Nowhere, Nebraska, who'll be wondering who these people are on his facebook page asking about brazilian waxes.

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  4. LOL That's OK....did you know that when beaders accidentally or purposely make a mistake in their work, they refer to it as their 'spirit bead'? It's to show that nothing is perfect, except for nature. Well, this can be your 'spirit word'.

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    1. Awwww.. that's such a good idea. A "spirit word."

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  5. I agree with the others—it's really not that bad and could have been much worse. ☺ I absolutely love what JoJo said about the spirt beads/words! What a great way to look at things!

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  6. Well I read the book and never picked up on it so ....

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    1. So it can't be THAT obvious, right??? *whew* Thanks Delores!

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  7. You are human. Which is fine.
    However if you had talked about Doctor Zeuss and cheeting hubbies then you could/should wince in shame. Like Delores I hadn't picked up on your teeny weeny error.
    As an nearly irrelevant aside, on reading the birth notices in our local paper I have been noticing for some time that there is a world of people who obviously don't read. The variations on names they have obviously heard on television but never seen make me cringe Kristal, Kristell, Christelle etc (and I have seen all of these and worse).

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    1. PS: I also love JoJo's spirit word...

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    2. Doctor Zeuss and cheeting... hehehe

      I KNOW... those NAMES! I call 'em fake names. What gives? Those poor children are going to grow up with everyone spelling their names wrong! I know a few people whose names are spelled weird and they get all pissy when somebody spells it wrong. Well, d'uh! If they're so worried about it, SPELL IT RIGHT!

      Rant over.

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  8. Cathy, published is published. It doesn't matter who published it. You are a business. You are not only a writer, but also a publisher. People like that woman are everywhere and a dreadful bore. Just like the large percentage of people you'll meet who will pitch their own book idea to you (which they've never started writing) as soon as you say you're a writer.

    Anthony Bandero...I like it! When they search for him they'll come up with your book in the search. ;)

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    1. River, River, River, you are SO RIGHT. In fact, you're so right, I'm gonna blog about you next time. You and your rightness. Is that all right? :)

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    2. You can blog about my rightness. You can blog about my wrongness. You can blog about my oneness. I'm all yours, sweetheart. ;)

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  9. As the saying goes, never judge a book by the cover.
    A paperback version? Yay! Here's hoping the Gravenhurst Library buys a copy. Then for sure you can have a book signing complete with mass quantities of wine and platters of cheese cubes.

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  10. Then you don't even know of the legions of us who don't know Anthony Bandero from Antonio Banderas. Now excuse me while I do hasten to Amazon and get a book I can hold in my hands.

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    1. Oooooh! You're getting a book! Oooooh! So excited!

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  11. Can I just say, one of the best books I've ever read! See what I've said about it on goodreads. It caused another person to buy it.

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    1. OMIGAWD, did you just SAY that?????? That is a fabulous compliment, Clarissa, fabulous! I'm all verklempt now! Thank you SOOOO much!!! ox

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  12. You have Anthony Bandero? In the book? Or at least on the back? I love Anthony Bandero! Isn't he a latin dancer in the competitive dancing circuit? Wow! I'm glad I bought a copy of your book! (It's fun, actually!)

    Diana at About Myself By Myself

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  13. I am REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoying your book!
    And if there are an typo's, they haven't registered in my wee brain.
    Anthony Bandero, eh? You are going to have to write a book with that character now, aren't you???? He's almost taking on a life of his own.

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    1. Karen, I saw your comment and my heart leapt! SO GLAD you are enjoying Weezie! *smiling a mile wide*

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  14. There are people who have done little that try to bring you down when you are proud of an accomplishment - this is their way of equealizzardising and bringing attention to their smug selves: I never missspell.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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    1. missspell... heheheh!

      Yes, it's true. There are always people waiting to put you in your place. Sigh... Oh well, fact of life. It's best to just avoid them - that's my strategy anyway.

      Hey, I really enjoyed your post yesterday about lying awake. In fact, I liked it so much I put a note about it on Facebook.

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  15. I'm not sure if this will make you feel any better, but I just thought Anthony Bandero was some famous guy I didn't know, like a sports heartthrob or someone like that. :)

    My husband and I went over the stories in my collection many times, yet we still didn't catch a big typo until the very last read through. It happens.

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    1. Absolutely, it happens all the time. In the newspaper business it's not uncommon for several sets of eyes to look at the front page and still have a major typo in a headline. Shite happens.

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    2. I think what it comes down to is the eye sees what the brain wants it to see.

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  16. So when people look up Anthony Bamdero, will they find your book? Could be worse.

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  17. The beauty of fiction is it's full of lies, mistakes, and whatever the author dreams up. So I betchya Anthony Bendero is one sexy dude. And maybe include him in the sequel! Peace...

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  18. I think if that's all you've got then you've done well. ^_^

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    1. Oh, I'm sure there are more... just haven't found 'em yet!

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  19. Ok, I'm going to put this ALL in perspective, ok? About 13 years ago my best friend sent out birth announcements of her darling baby boy to 500+ people. He was adorable and so was her nipple, in the picture.
    There.
    Feel better?

    Besides, Antonio Bandero is hotter than Banderas anyway. ;)

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    1. OMG I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THIS! Can you just IMAGINE?? I would die. Just die. You're right - a nipple for 500 beats Anthony any day!!!!! Hilarious!

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