Friday, February 21, 2014

A new squeeze

Starting a new job – for me – is a lot like going on vacation. Although, as I write that, it occurs to me that work is an anti-vacation, since there are no beaches and banana daiquiris involved.

Whenever I go on vacation, I do laundry. Rabidly. There is so much foam dripping off my bottom lip that there is no need to add Tide to the wash cycle.  I do laundry like it's the end of the world, laundry-wise, that there will never be another chance to wash Dave's delicates, and so I wash with abject fear in my heart that all his delicates will soon be crusties.

So I took a job. Haven't had a job since last May.

I. AM. TERRIFIED.

I have vague recollections of putting dish soap in the staff room dishwasher, but otherwise I believe I have forgotten how to be employed.

This is a cool job – not that I'm dissing Walmart (although I guess I am), but my job is way cooler than Walmart. I'm going to be doing social media stuff for a local car dealership. Blogging, tweeting, facebooking, linked in-ing, stuff like that. I have to check and see if Candy Crushing is on my agenda. Wouldn't that be awesome? Crushing jellies and getting paid for it? (To my new boss: KIDDING!)

At any rate, starting my anti-vacation has led me to become intimately connected with the washing machine, the Swiffer and all other things household-ish. The thing I want to tell you about, the really big thing, the thing that brought me here today in the first place, is my new Ultimate Spinning Mop and Bucket.

Please feel free to wolf whistle at its bodacious beauty. I'll wait ...

"Oooooh!"

"Ahhhh!"

This thing actually makes floor washing fun. OK, so no, it doesn't. But it does make it EASIER.

You put your water and cleaning solution in, dunk in the mop, spin it around to get it all soapy, then lift it up with one smooth motion and spin it again to get excess water out. So easy you could get your husband to do it, I swear. Plus it's a "gadget" and everyone knows men love gadgets even more than they love us.

Or beer.

Even Canadian beer.

As far as I know you can only get the Ultimate Spinning Mop and Bucket at Home Hardware in Canada, but I've googled it and apparently there are similar gadgets at other places all over the world, even on Amazon.

Now excuse me while I go to the store to buy new underwear, because everyone knows you can't start an anti-vacation without fresh gotch.

P.S. How about those Olympics, eh? Go Canada!

25 comments:

  1. Have fun in your new job. And remind them how lucky they are to have you. Or get us to remind them...
    Floors? Do them and they need doing again. Almost immediately. Like most housework. Sigh.

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    1. And showers... we shower... then tomorrow, we shower... and so on, and so on... I'm thinking we just need to embrace dirt and get on with it.

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  2. We won't discuss hockey...
    And now Canada is hoarding the spinning mop as well.
    Congratulations on the new job! Doing social media - that is right up your alley.
    And I get to play games where I work...

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    1. Wassamatter, Alex? Why don't you want to discuss hockey? Don't you want to talk about that 1-0 nail biter today between Canucks and the USA?

      "hoarding the spinning mop" LOL!!!!

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  3. Congrats on the new anti vacation....you go girl....and if you like, you can do my laundry too.

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  4. Congratulations on the job!

    A terrific game... and a bit tense! One more to go...

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    1. Wasn't it terrific!!!!!!! And yes, very tense. Can't wait for Sunday morning!

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  5. Congrats on the new job!!!! I'd be terrified too. I haven't worked since June of 2011. I, too, have forgotten how! I did apply for a job the other day, but only after I tried on my work clothes to see if they still fit after I've been sitting on my ass for almost 3 years. Then, and only then, did I click 'send'. lol

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    1. That reminds me, I have to go see about some pants. I have jeans and stretchy pants, neither of which are job-worthy. I may have to call Omar the Tentmaker...

      What job did you apply for? Heard anything back yet?

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  6. A new job - that is scary. In almost every job I've had I've worn either a white coat or a uniform. It means that I've never had to think much about what to wear. It makes life easier.

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    1. It IS scary!!! I like the uniform idea. I mean, I hated it when I was a kid because all uniforms were made of polyester doubleknit and were designed to make my butt look like a zeppelin, but these days I admire those like you who don't have to think about what to wear!

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  7. I know nosing aboot hockey and less about olympics, so I can only comment on your awesome job! I hope you're not competing with Dave and Chrysler; past that--WHOO HOO, show 'em how it's done, you clean baby you.

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    1. Actually I'll be working at the same place as Dave! I get to keep my eye on that boy!

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  8. You should go into writing commercials for companies lol This was funny and congrats to the new job WOOHOO !! Thanks for sharing , now get washing that floor Missy ! ha ha !! Have a good weekend !

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    1. I totally think I should write commercials and have them pay big bucks! Will you please tell them? :)

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  9. Oooohhh aaaagggghhhhh Oh I love it I got to get me one of those. Congrats on the new job it sounds like a good one getting paid for something you already do is already a good thing. New undies to boot it is a good excuse to get them too:) Go Canadians:) Hug B

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    1. I tell ya, Buttons, it's the best thing since sliced bread!

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  10. Congrats on the new job! It is like winning a lottery when you can get not just a job, but a creative one to boot!

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  11. What's this now? Floors are supposed to get washed??
    Well, how 'bout that?
    Congrats on the new job, hope it goes well.

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  12. I want that mop! Ours just sucks.

    I'm doing laundry right now. Want to come help me?

    Thank you for sharing my post on Facebook, Cathy.

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  13. Spin mop and bucket? You have to be kidding. Just cut the strings on your regular mop leaving about six inches and use the bucket under the sink... Anyway, congrats on the job: know you will be good at it.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  14. Glad to know that you are gainfully employed! Well, employed, at least. Hope you have a wonderful anti-vacation!

    And will you be up at 5:00 to watch the gold-medal hockey? I understand Alberta bars can open at that time, and serve the regular. Good grief: inebriated before breakfast? Woe is us.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  15. way to go on the job! I must get one of those mops, and you can all keep Justin Bieber!

    (Coming up for air after about two months away...)

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How's it going, eh? It's SO good to hear from you. Tell me every darn thing...