Saturday, July 12, 2014

I'm Crooked, I Guess

Does anyone else have this problem? It's my neckline. It's fecking CROOKED.

No matter what shirt I have on, it slides to the left, exposing my bra strap on one side and strangling me on the other.

It's not like I'm some dimestore tart who flaunts bra straps like overcoats. I prefer my straps hidden, mostly because they're as wide as planks with yellowish-grey colouration that's supposed to be white, and yet most closely resembles lace-trimmed barn-board.

I'm all HAWT, yes, that's what you're thinking.

So what the feck is WRONG with me? Do I slump? Am I shorter on the left side? Is my left boob magnetized? I mean, WTF?

15 comments:

  1. Maybe turtlenecks would negate that?

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  2. I've got a stumpy neck and extra chins....shirts with collars are a big mistake for me. You need a nice vneck tee or a scoop neck. Stay away from collars.

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  3. Yes, go for something with a tighter neck. Although a turtleneck in summer might seem a bit odd.

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  4. Obviously you are too sexy for your shirt! Love the magnet theory.

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  5. Andrea has it. I think it's about a dominant side, exercising rights over the other. When you smack it down some, all will be fine.

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  6. I wish I knew. I too am crooked and wondered whether it was a sign (to those in the know) of my crooked nature.
    And what is it about bra straps? They yellow faster than the sun and always leap out and wave to people. Including strangers.

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  7. That happens to me too. But I don't care if my bra strap shows. It bothers my mother and she'll constantly be trying to catch my eye to fix it. The last time she did that, which was in a restaurant, I grabbed the strap, pulled it out of the neck and said loudly, 'YES THIS IS MY BRA STRAP! CALM DOWN ALREADY! I DON'T CARE! JESUS!' That was the last time she gave me crap about it.

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  8. Is it possible you have a minimal amount of scoliosis that bends you slightly to one side?
    It's far more likely that the clothes are made wrong, or the styles you choose are wrong for your body. Try something with less width in the neckline?
    And what is happening with bras everywhere that don't stay white anymore? Knickers too. Even with bleaching? My bra straps are all grey, any elastic on anything is also grey when it used to be white.

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  9. Clothes are made wrong, especially tops. They're designed for the show the underwear look, which bugs me no end. I usually wear 2 shirts to solve the problem, even in summer, a tight-fitting under tee and then my other top over it.

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  10. Being a Bear, I have no advice to offer. Sorry you are having this difficulty.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  11. It's the wide scoop necklines on shirts and tshirts these days. Being less than well-endowed, I just wear a camisole or tank top. Much comfier than bras. Sweet revenge on those curvy, mouthy cheerleader chicks who bullied me in school and called me toothpick. I hope their bras are strangling them. (Not you, dear Cathy.)

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  12. I can't speak to the crooked problem, but as for the discolored supposed-to-be-white bras: toss them and buy bras in rainbow colors! (but keep a few to wear under white shirts). I can tell you from personal experience that it's impossible to feel grumpy when you're wearing a purple bra. And then if your strap shows, everyone who sees it will just think: OMG, look at that awesome woman in the purple bra! I want to be like her!!!

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  13. Can't help you: I have never had a problem with a bra strap.
    My advice: Go braless.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  14. I'm with Ol Buzzard, braless it is!!

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