Grumpy and Ontario Bloggers Day

I'm SO GRUMPY.

I could tear you a new butt hole in the wink of a stinking eye, I could. Without one regret! I would laugh as I was doing it - HAHA - HAHA - HAHA!

I used to like everyone. Now I don't like ANYONE. Especially YOU, so don't even THINK you're special. What's worse, I can't hide my grumpiness anymore. It spews out of me like yesterday's meatloaf. Just for the record, I don't MEAN to be mean. Lately though I just can't help it!

I read on the internet, because the internet is now The Final Word, that perimenopause makes happy women grumpy. Hormones or something.

So I Googled how to get through this grumpiness and found this:

Tips to Control Menopausal Moodiness:

1. Keep our big mouths shut. Take deep breaths and choose how to respond in a rational manner. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh sorry, I find that absolutely hysterical for some reason. My mouth operates like a mousetrap sprung with peanut butter and every obnoxious thing that somebody does is like a mouse deking in for a taste and my open maw slams on them with TEETH of DEATH. *cue evil laugh* Like seriously? If I could control my mouth, I would. I'm thinking duct tape might be my saviour.

2. Choose not to lash out. It is counter-productive and it can be hurtful. YES BUT IT FEELS SO FREAKING GOOD!!!!!!!!

3. Indulge in relaxation modes of choice. Good idea, but they frown on smoking dope in the office.

4. Follow a menopause diet. Oh yeah, like giving up cheesecake will make me less grumpy.

5. Take herbal supplements like chasteberry, vitex and maca. Don't ask me what they are – I have no idea. But I'm thinking, whatever they are, they probably won't work as well as heroin.

6. Kill whoever is pissing you off. Now we're talking!

7. Kill them with energy, efficiency and enthusiasm.

8. Bludgeon them if possible for maximum bloodletting.

9. Dance nekkid over their dead body.

10. Take Vitamin B6, chasteberry and maca to give you lots of energy. Killing people really takes it out of a person!

Oh you know I'm kidding, right? I would never actually do that. Never in a million years. I'm just goofing around! I have morals. I know the difference between right and wrong and some things are just WRONG. 

There's no WAY I would ever dance nekkid!

***

Map of Ontario - Bracebridge is NOT on this stooopid map because obviously the map was drawn
on a Friday at quitting time, but if you look close, Bracebridge is just south of Huntsville and north of Orillia.
If you look really, really close, (no, close) you might see me waving.

It's Ontario Bloggers Day! Bet you didn't know that, right? Bet you don't have your decorations out or a menu planned or nothing! That's OK - it's a new celebration and I don't think Hallmark has a way to say it best yet.

Ontario Bloggers Day is the brainchild of one of my good blogging buddies, Cindy over at Just North of Wiarton and South of the Checkerboard. She's one of the most enthusiastic bloggers I know, faithfully documenting her busy days with her Crabby Cabbie husband and her Aussie dogs in photos and words. She's met lots of bloggers along the way, including many in Ontario, Canada, and just for fun she thought she'd link us all up. I've had a great time checking out the blogs on Cindy's list so I wanted to share them here – plus, I'd like to add some of my own favourite Ontario blogs. Feel like meeting some great new people? Check 'em out! And tell them Checkerboard Cindy sent ya!

Cindy's Links:

Virna, Aimee, Irma & Bebsy ~ The Craftmates

Kevin ~ Closet Cooking

Carla ~ My 1/2 Dozen Daily

Gill ~ That British Woman

Karen ~ Living In My Valley

Chania ~ RAZMATAZ

Chris ~ Chris Knits in Niagara

Paula ~ At Home With Us

Janet ~ Homemade Simply

1) Heritage Farmgirl ~ the farmgirl files
2) Farm Girl ~ one simple farm girl 2  
    
(1 & 2: The same Farm Girl with 2 different great blogs).

Eboo ~ My Life Journey 

Jane & Chris ~ THE MAPLE SYRUP MOB

Connie ~ A Simple Frugal Life in Retirement

Deb ~ Just Cats

Elaine ~ Our Country Cove Crew

Buttons ~ Buttons Thoughts

My Links (in absolutely no particular order and I'm sorry if I missed someone):

Lori at Buzz 27

Ed at Muskoka Blog

Dawn at Being Deliberate

Delores at My Feathered Nest

Mike at Silverpixel

Deb at Sewing Stash Challenge

Kristine at Maple Lake 365

Lizann at The Flatt Perspective

Karen at Wall Flower Studio

Sharon Ledwith at I Came. I Saw. I Wrote.

Kevin Craig

Rhondi at Ya Gotta Laugh About It

Bella at Bella's Bookshelves

Kerry at Kerry On Can Lit

M-E Girard

29,885 words and I'm so grumpy!

Dear Diary:

What on earth is wrong with me? I am SO grumpy!

I woke up feeling perfectly fine yesterday but the minute I got to work people started ticking me off. Nobody was doing everything different than they usually did – it was just me, being grumpy. Like capital G Grumpy. Like a bear with a sore arse wasn't as grumpy as me yesterday.

There's this guy at my work – let's call him Gilligan. Well, old Gilligan works in a different office than me and we hardly ever have any dealings with each other. But he has an inexorable radar for when I'm grumpy – it's the only time he ever appears in my chat window. Sure enough, I was in mid-meltdown, the highest (or shall I say lowest) point of my grumpiness, when Gilligan shows up wanting to chat. The last time we chatted I just about ripped him a new one. Today I managed some decorum. Just "yes-sirred" and "no-sirred" my way through the conversation, practically standing on my tongue. Finally he exited the chat and none too soon. He probably thinks I'm the bitch of all time; the "problem employee" who has trouble getting along with people. The truth is I get along with practically everybody but for some reason Gilligan makes my head spin around and spew pea soup.

Last night, for one of the first times since I started National Novel Writing Month, I didn't make my daily word quota. I wrote 700 or so lackadaisical, blah-blah-blah words. It would have been less painful to slash my wrists and bleed onto the page.

This morning I was grumpy with Dave, who only wanted a kiss before he went to work.

Oh man, I have a headache right now.

Like I said, I don't know what's wrong. Probably hormones, or just pure exhaustion. These two and a half weeks of NaNo, while thrillingly productive, are killing me. Even dieting is wearing me down. My whole focus this month has been diet and exercise, writing and working. Those three things fill almost every minute, from the time I roll out of bed to the time I fall in it again, exhausted.

I'm feeling discouraged, at this point.

Last week I registered a 50 pound loss at Weight Watchers, which is THRILLING, but it followed two days of fasting and laxatives in preparation for a colonoscopy. I went for the weigh-in on the tail-end of the enforced fast. I mean, wouldn't you? Why waste two days of not eating? The trouble is, my weight has crept up a couple of pounds since then, simply because my body has rehydrated. I'm being very good this week, trying to stave off the inevitable, but every day I get on the scale and see that my elusive 50 pound victory has not returned. It will. I know.

But I can't help but feel discouraged.

And I'm discouraged because I wrote a pile of shite last night. A very, very small pile of shite.

Thank goodness for this blog, my diary, my journal, my venting board.

Oh, and it snowed yesterday. It's crazy beautiful outside.

Too bad I'm too grumpy to appreciate it.