Dear Diary:
What on earth is wrong with me? I am SO grumpy!
I woke up feeling perfectly fine yesterday but the minute I got to work people started ticking me off. Nobody was doing everything different than they usually did – it was just me, being grumpy. Like capital G Grumpy. Like a bear with a sore arse wasn't as grumpy as me yesterday.
There's this guy at my work – let's call him Gilligan. Well, old Gilligan works in a different office than me and we hardly ever have any dealings with each other. But he has an inexorable radar for when I'm grumpy – it's the only time he ever appears in my chat window. Sure enough, I was in mid-meltdown, the highest (or shall I say lowest) point of my grumpiness, when Gilligan shows up wanting to chat. The last time we chatted I just about ripped him a new one. Today I managed some decorum. Just "yes-sirred" and "no-sirred" my way through the conversation, practically standing on my tongue. Finally he exited the chat and none too soon. He probably thinks I'm the bitch of all time; the "problem employee" who has trouble getting along with people. The truth is I get along with practically everybody but for some reason Gilligan makes my head spin around and spew pea soup.
Last night, for one of the first times since I started National Novel Writing Month, I didn't make my daily word quota. I wrote 700 or so lackadaisical, blah-blah-blah words. It would have been less painful to slash my wrists and bleed onto the page.
This morning I was grumpy with Dave, who only wanted a kiss before he went to work.
Oh man, I have a headache right now.
Like I said, I don't know what's wrong. Probably hormones, or just pure exhaustion. These two and a half weeks of NaNo, while thrillingly productive, are killing me. Even dieting is wearing me down. My whole focus this month has been diet and exercise, writing and working. Those three things fill almost every minute, from the time I roll out of bed to the time I fall in it again, exhausted.
I'm feeling discouraged, at this point.
Last week I registered a 50 pound loss at Weight Watchers, which is THRILLING, but it followed two days of fasting and laxatives in preparation for a colonoscopy. I went for the weigh-in on the tail-end of the enforced fast. I mean, wouldn't you? Why waste two days of not eating? The trouble is, my weight has crept up a couple of pounds since then, simply because my body has rehydrated. I'm being very good this week, trying to stave off the inevitable, but every day I get on the scale and see that my elusive 50 pound victory has not returned. It will. I know.
But I can't help but feel discouraged.
And I'm discouraged because I wrote a pile of shite last night. A very, very small pile of shite.
Thank goodness for this blog, my diary, my journal, my venting board.
Oh, and it snowed yesterday. It's crazy beautiful outside.
Too bad I'm too grumpy to appreciate it.
Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou're doing amazing, Cathy. I did a round of WW last year, and lost a bunch- but it didn't come off easily, and there were days where you had to go up a bit to keep going down.
As to the writing - none other than Mr. Stephen King says (I'm paraphrasing as I'm way too lazy to get the exact quote... sorry) "Some days, all you'll be doing is shovelling shit from one end of the desk to the other. The difference is, that a writer will still pick up that shovel and do it."
That's what you did - you stayed in there and got some words down, so for that, yay!
Now - grumpy... can't think of an easy way to chase that away. Everyone gets days like that - I know I do. WW aside, do you still have access to any mini-KitKats from Halloween? Allowing yourself a teeny bite of something sinful as a reward for 29,885 and 50 might be enough to crack the gloom?
(Also - today you only need 115 to crack 30,000! How cool is that!!)
Sendin' smiles your way.
Oh Chris. That is the most wonderful comment. I am actually smiling back at you.
ReplyDeleteHUGS, my friend!!!!! Thank you so much!
One good word is worth 300 useless ones. Don't worry, you'll get back on track. You've done so well. (your work verification was reali) Really!!!
ReplyDeleteReali, reali? How weird is that? (Thanks, Delores! Thanks for always being here!)
ReplyDeleteI'm still over here, shaking these pom poms like crazy. I think you're allowed to have a bad day or two. Look at everything you've accomplished so far! Don't let one day get you down.
ReplyDeleteAnd also: Rah, rah, rah!
I hope old Grumpy got herself out into the snow and threw snowballs or whatever you people that get snow do. How would I know?
ReplyDeleteYou got nuttin' to complain about you whinger. By the time you get this you would have passed 30,000 words!! I hope to get from 27,500+ to over 30,000 today. No snow to slow me down lol! Just sitting here watching the river and all the lucky people zooming up and down on jetskis, boats, river cats, you name it, while I sit in an air-conned library (well it's 30degrees celcius outside!) tapping away, then reading blog posts for light relief!
Denise
That grumpiness is the post-colon blues. Ya know, the anesthesia can make you irritable, and of course, all the prep stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou're allowed to be off-kilter. Enjoy it -- it'll make tomorrow feel even better. And congrats on the Nano. I'm hoping someone hands me an orange chunk to fuel me to the finish line. Peace...
Of course you're producing smaller piles of shite as NaNo progresses. Look at all the weight you've lost. You aren't producing the same amount of fecal matter anymore.
ReplyDelete(Smiling at Laurita waving her pom-poms!)
ReplyDeleteDenise, I know I've got nothing to whine about. Sometimes a girl just has to do what she does best!
Linda, do you think that's right? About the anesthesia? That would help explain it, actually. Am feeling better today, thank goodness.
John - you are hilarious!
Hi Cath,
ReplyDeleteA wish for you to keep 'doin' what ur doin' and are so great at!
I know you can always get yourself out of some difficult times.
Best + big hug to you, Jamie
Hi Jamie! So GREAT to see you here!! Thanks for the kind words and all my best and a great big hug right back at you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHope you're doing well and life with handsome Gord is all as it should.
oxox
Hwy Cathy I'm a bit late calling in here but here's a nice c(_) Tea for you. Now put you feet up and enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing splendidly on your diet and you took on Nano which is more than I did.
and I agree John is hilarious up there ^^ only he would say that! ^__^
Oh thanks for the lovely cuppa, Helen. I feel so much better now – I don't think there's anything a cup of tea can't fix!
ReplyDeleteLet me see,colonoscopy,National Novel Writing Month, work, dieting and juggling a family on top of it all - what do think? You are wonder woman and can't be human once in a while? Give yourself a shake and after that a huge pat on the back for that wonderful work that you have accomplished this fall.
ReplyDeleteAnd Yes - it is ok to be a bear once in a while, just because.
I forgot - the winter river picture is fabulous - is it one of yours?
ReplyDeleteKathy - HUGS!!!!! I know, even Wonder Women get the blues sometimes!
ReplyDeleteYes! The picture is mine. I took it that morning. The snow has since all but disappeared but it was a picture perfect morning, for sure. Thanks!