Sunday, November 20, 2011

A new dress

I vowed I wasn't going to buy anything else from the fat ladies store.

I was going to wait (weight?) until I was skinny enough to just buy any old thing from any old rack. But hell, I just lost 50 pounds and I've got two, count 'em, office Christmas parties coming up and damned if I want to show up with some old dress hanging off me like yesterday's potato sack.

So yesterday me, Dave and Sam went down to Barrie to my favourite fat ladies store, Addition-Elle. They actually have clothes that look like they belong to somebody under the age of 85, you know what I mean? I had been stalking their website, eyeballing up their tasty collection of sequinned holiday dresses and drooling.

The thing is, I really didn't know what size I was going to need. The last time I went shopping for clothes I was buying size 24. Yeah, I know. A big old tub 'o lard, that was me.

I started picking out dresses to try on, getting two sizes of each: 20 and 18. I knew I had slimmed down but I wasn't sure how slim was slim. Because, honestly, I want to lose a lot more weight before I'm done.

I tried on the size 18 first because I was excited and optimistic, and you know what? IT WAS TOO BIG.

Sam and Dave and a saleslady were hovering outside my dressing room. The guys were like Richard Gere to my Pretty Woman and I was giving them a free fashion show. Both of them had looks on their faces like, I'd rather be dead, but I think they were having a good time.

I came dashing out from behind the curtain in the baggy dress and shrieked, "IT'S TOO BIG!" Everyone giggled, but nobody more so than me. Usually what happened when I went clothes shopping was I kept sending Dave out for bigger and bigger sizes until he found the biggest size in the store, the Omar Tent size they kept out back for visiting circus troupes.

Not this time! The saleslady went scurrying back into the bowels of the store for size 16 in everything while I danced around in the baggy-ass dress and high-fived everyone and boasted and carried on like the obnoxious fool that I am.

She returned with three dresses in size 16 and all of them looked really, really good.

I mean, I looked HOT.

I could see the look in Dave's eye, that he was appreciating all the sequinned junk in my trunk and I thought about sending Sam off to a babysitter's for a few hours, if you get my drift...

All the dresses looked so great. I couldn't decide.

Then the saleslady said there was one more I could try (it's the one pictured in the Addition Elle ad, above), so she went and got a black sequinned strapless number. I tried it on and it was fabulous – but IT WAS TOO BIG.

The saleslady said, "there's so much extra room in the back that, if I wanted to, I could look down the back of this dress and see your underwear."

Good thing I had on decent ones.

So she went and fetched a size 14.

"No way," I sez to Dave and Sam, "that size 14 is gonna fit me. It's going to be WAY too big."
"You never know," sez Dave.

I tried it on and IT FIT PERFECTLY.



"I'll take it!" I hooted.

Then I went and got some fancy jewellery and some fancy high heels. I haven't worn high heels for YEARS.

Am feeling like the hottest thing on two legs, baby.

There is lotsa sizzle in my whizzle.

There's a train a-coming and I'm hotter than a two-pistol papa.

I'm a-putting the Cat back in Cathy 'cause I'm rocking the Sex Kitten.



  1. Yay! Congrats, I know how hard it is to lose the weight and that amazing feeling when you get down to a size you never thought you'd see. Since Feb 2010 I've lose 61lbs and have gone from a size 22 to a size 12! I'm still in shock that I can wear "normal" sizes. Good luck on the rest of the weight loss, I have 20lbs left to go to reach my goal.

  2. 61 pounds? Size 12? WOO HOO! You are ROCK STAR! Here's hoping you get to show off your new thang this holiday season!!!!

  3. I am dancing around my office and waving my arms in the air I am so so so excited for you. Yippee Yahoooie and would you believe your confirmation word is , get this, size...get it?

    Go girl go!

  5. Mee-yow! Now I could build on this little vignette for a chapter in a chick-lit novel, if I wrote chick lit!

    Congratulations! What a feeling that must have been. You're going to be one dangerous chick-a-dee at your office parteee!


  6. Hi five to you, Cathy! You've worked hard for this small dress and you deserve it.

  7. Yea, Cathy. Congrats. This post was a hoot.

    Yes, send Sam off to the babysitters - they could use the additional money for the holidays! :-) All in a good cause.

    Have a blast at your parties and shake your...well, I'm just going to stop right there.

  8. I'm so proud of you! You deserve the splurge! Great job. You are an inspiration.

  9. Girl, you better get your groove thing on!!! WHOOO HOOO!!! I am so happy for you!! I'm dancing around my office!! 14 ROCKS!!!! xoxo!

  10. WOOT! I want to see you all dolled up, girl, so pics please. A HUGE congrats, size 14 is BEAUTIFUL! You should be so proud and happy -- I know I am! Peace...

  11. Pretty soon you'll have to jump around in the shower to get wet!

  12. Denise, I think I'm gonna have the main character in my novel do just that. Great idea! Thanks!

    Thanks Alan!

    Oh, don't stop, Kevin... things were just gettin' interesting!

    GP, look who's calling who the inspiration here. You are exactly who I wanna be when I grow up.

    Lisa, my groove thing is SO on it's ridonkulous! (It's still a trifle tight in spots, however...)

    Linda, I promise, i will get some pics on the night of the first party. Promise!!!!

    And Deb, I am honestly trying to figure out what that means!

  13. I really, really want to see a pic of you all dolled up in that dress. Congrats on the smaller, smaller, smaller sizes. Nailing nano, shedding the pounds - You are a FORCE.

  14. Awesome, Cathy! And I'm with Laurita, let's see a pic!

    Daughter Dearest is now working at a chain called the Dress Barn. I think I'd slap the marketroid who came up with that name, but they seem to be popular around here. She's going to get the Baptism By Fire come (Black) Friday.

  15. I'd much rather see you model your dress than that airbrushed miss on the attached picture. Looks like she's about to sneeze.

    Enjoy your body, Cathy! You've worked hard for it.

  16. Way to go Cathy! You deserve to kick up your heels in style. Live it up!

  17. Yes, yes, yes, Laurita, John and Larry, there will be photos. I'm going to wait until the evening of the par-tay. (The Dress Barn? Such an unfortunate name!!!) And yeah, John, she does look rather sneezy, but in a sexy sneezy way, without red eyes and mucous.
    Thanks Harry! The heels will be kicking!!!

  18. I'm so excited for you!!!!! I'm sure you look like the cat's meeooow. :)

  19. Oh Cathy!! I am SO SO thrilled for you! I wish I could sit and shriek 14 with you side by side, hot damn! You got this!!!! Miss and love you, Kel

    ps 14!


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