I could tear you a new butt hole in the wink of a stinking eye, I could. Without one regret! I would laugh as I was doing it - HAHA - HAHA - HAHA!
I used to like everyone. Now I don't like ANYONE. Especially YOU, so don't even THINK you're special. What's worse, I can't hide my grumpiness anymore. It spews out of me like yesterday's meatloaf. Just for the record, I don't MEAN to be mean. Lately though I just can't help it!
I read on the internet, because the internet is now The Final Word, that perimenopause makes happy women grumpy. Hormones or something.
So I Googled how to get through this grumpiness and found this:
Tips to Control Menopausal Moodiness:
1. Keep our big mouths shut. Take deep breaths and choose how to respond in a rational manner. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh sorry, I find that absolutely hysterical for some reason. My mouth operates like a mousetrap sprung with peanut butter and every obnoxious thing that somebody does is like a mouse deking in for a taste and my open maw slams on them with TEETH of DEATH. *cue evil laugh* Like seriously? If I could control my mouth, I would. I'm thinking duct tape might be my saviour.
2. Choose not to lash out. It is counter-productive and it can be hurtful. YES BUT IT FEELS SO FREAKING GOOD!!!!!!!!
3. Indulge in relaxation modes of choice. Good idea, but they frown on smoking dope in the office.
4. Follow a menopause diet. Oh yeah, like giving up cheesecake will make me less grumpy.
5. Take herbal supplements like chasteberry, vitex and maca. Don't ask me what they are – I have no idea. But I'm thinking, whatever they are, they probably won't work as well as heroin.
6. Kill whoever is pissing you off. Now we're talking!
7. Kill them with energy, efficiency and enthusiasm.
8. Bludgeon them if possible for maximum bloodletting.
9. Dance nekkid over their dead body.
10. Take Vitamin B6, chasteberry and maca to give you lots of energy. Killing people really takes it out of a person!
Oh you know I'm kidding, right? I would never actually do that. Never in a million years. I'm just goofing around! I have morals. I know the difference between right and wrong and some things are just WRONG.
There's no WAY I would ever dance nekkid!
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| Map of Ontario - Bracebridge is NOT on this stooopid map because obviously the map was drawn on a Friday at quitting time, but if you look close, Bracebridge is just south of Huntsville and north of Orillia. If you look really, really close, (no, close) you might see me waving. |
It's Ontario Bloggers Day! Bet you didn't know that, right? Bet you don't have your decorations out or a menu planned or nothing! That's OK - it's a new celebration and I don't think Hallmark has a way to say it best yet.
Ontario Bloggers Day is the brainchild of one of my good blogging buddies, Cindy over at Just North of Wiarton and South of the Checkerboard. She's one of the most enthusiastic bloggers I know, faithfully documenting her busy days with her Crabby Cabbie husband and her Aussie dogs in photos and words. She's met lots of bloggers along the way, including many in Ontario, Canada, and just for fun she thought she'd link us all up. I've had a great time checking out the blogs on Cindy's list so I wanted to share them here – plus, I'd like to add some of my own favourite Ontario blogs. Feel like meeting some great new people? Check 'em out! And tell them Checkerboard Cindy sent ya!
Cindy's Links:
Virna, Aimee, Irma & Bebsy ~ The Craftmates
Kevin ~ Closet Cooking
Carla ~ My 1/2 Dozen Daily
Gill ~ That British Woman
Karen ~ Living In My Valley
Chania ~ RAZMATAZ
Chris ~ Chris Knits in Niagara
Paula ~ At Home With Us
Janet ~ Homemade Simply
1) Heritage Farmgirl ~ the farmgirl files
2) Farm Girl ~ one simple farm girl 2
(1 & 2: The same Farm Girl with 2 different great blogs).
Eboo ~ My Life Journey
Jane & Chris ~ THE MAPLE SYRUP MOB
Connie ~ A Simple Frugal Life in Retirement
Deb ~ Just Cats
Elaine ~ Our Country Cove Crew
Buttons ~ Buttons Thoughts
Kevin ~ Closet Cooking
Carla ~ My 1/2 Dozen Daily
Gill ~ That British Woman
Karen ~ Living In My Valley
Chania ~ RAZMATAZ
Chris ~ Chris Knits in Niagara
Paula ~ At Home With Us
Janet ~ Homemade Simply
1) Heritage Farmgirl ~ the farmgirl files
2) Farm Girl ~ one simple farm girl 2
(1 & 2: The same Farm Girl with 2 different great blogs).
Eboo ~ My Life Journey
Jane & Chris ~ THE MAPLE SYRUP MOB
Connie ~ A Simple Frugal Life in Retirement
Deb ~ Just Cats
Elaine ~ Our Country Cove Crew
Buttons ~ Buttons Thoughts
My Links (in absolutely no particular order and I'm sorry if I missed someone):
Dawn at Being Deliberate
Delores at My Feathered Nest
Mike at Silverpixel
Deb at Sewing Stash Challenge
Kristine at Maple Lake 365
Lizann at The Flatt Perspective
Karen at Wall Flower Studio
Sharon Ledwith at I Came. I Saw. I Wrote.
Rhondi at Ya Gotta Laugh About It
Bella at Bella's Bookshelves
Kerry at Kerry On Can Lit
"Choose to respond in a rational manner" That cracks me up too- because I lack that skill completely. And blaming that on my perimenopause, just makes me more irrational and angry and likely to throw things...LOL
ReplyDelete"...but they frown on smoking dope in the office." Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI do think you made a couple of those up though. Like the herbal thing.
Wow...there's a lot of us. I had no idea it was Ontario Bloggers Day. I've got to get the best tablecloth out...lets see....ham, no turkey, well .... cake for sure.
ReplyDeleteUh....I remember that stage you are currently going through. That's the stage where it suddenly dawns on you how truly stupid other people are. That's the stage that gave me my favourite saying, "If my friends, relatives and co-workers would simply realize that I'M ALWAYS RIGHT we would all get along so much better." This too shall pass but not before you've pulled all your hair out.
I had no idea that there is a menopause diet...
ReplyDeleteHi Cathy! Stopping by for Ontario Blogger day.
ReplyDeleteWell I am loving Ontario Bloggers Day so much already if not for it I would not be rolling around on the floor laughing at your post. I think you hit the nail on the head. Thank you to Cindy for the great idea about your introducing Ont. Bloggers there is a lot of talent out there and I for one am loving finding new laughs and great writing. Cathy glad we met look forward to more laughing. B
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up!! If my doctors are to be believed, I've been in perimenopause since the mid-90s.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog because there is nothing like naked dancing over mutilated bodies to put a smile on my face!
ReplyDeleteThere's an Ontario Bloggers Day? Well, Happy Ontario Bloggers Day to all of us!
ReplyDeleteI know Bracebridge well... you'd think the mapmakers could have dropped Toronto off that map instead of Bracebridge.
Now, when killing someone who pisses you off (also known as rubbing them out, making them sleep with the fish, or have them congressionally investigated- or since we're Canadian, having them parliamentarily investigated) it is critical to make sure you frame your idiot ex-brother-in-law for it. Unless the victim is previously aforementioned idiot ex-brother-in-law.
And Grumpy Cat is much too adorable!
ReplyDeleteThe advantage of living on 50 acres with 30 of bush way in the back, is that I have somewhere to hide the ones I have bludgeoned. Love Grumpy Cat too. Thanks Cathy for "hooking" up & "linking" up Ontario Blogger's Day, it was fun & looking forward to the next one.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many blogger sarin my neck of the bloody woods
ReplyDeletePerhaps a few sheep?
Happy Ontario Bloggers Day! Sheesh, I didn't even know we had one all to ourselves...
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally, I nominated you for the Liebster Award last Thursday! Here's the link: http://the-eyrea.blogspot.ca/2013/01/liebster-award.html
Nice to meet you on Ontario Bloggers day. I don't often get time to post/comment as often as I'd like. Thanks for stopping by over at my blog. We had a trailer up at Mary's Lake for a number of years. Good time with the kids then.
ReplyDeleteGifts are an expression of our feelings. They are a token of appreciation and love towards others. And among the multitudes of gifts available, perhaps no gift can ever be as lovely and expressive as flowers.
ReplyDelete