Monday, January 28, 2013
Allow me to Re-introduce myself ...
Hi! My name is Cathy Olliffe-Webster and I have two last names because I'm a Libra and couldn't make a decision. I'm a fat, middle-aged, screwed up woman who has big dreams but is mired in mediocrity and laziness. I have very little hair on my head but my legs look like they belong on a goat. Despite this I am a sex goddess who managed to snag a hunka burning lust who is eight years younger than me as Husband #2, after Husband #1 disgarded me in favour of a skinny-assed cashier who knew enough to have hair in the politically correct portions of one's anatomy. My youngest son still loves me but I am worried that since he is teetering on the abyss of teenagehood that he will soon abandon me, as his older brother has already done, in favour of hormonally induced necking, pizza-sized hickeys and pierced ear holes big enough for Volkswagens to drive through. I am good at my job, although I used to be great – time and technology are starting to pass me by and I am now one of those office dinosaurs: too young to retire but too old and useless to compete with fecking 12-year-olds who invaded the building like fecking tech-savvy roaches when I wasn't looking. I USED TO BE ONE OF THOSE ROACHES... now I'm the old fart. How the feck did that happen????? Oh, and I say feck a lot.
That's me! Who the feck are you?
If you'd like to reintroduce yourself to the world you can sign up for today's Re-Introduce Myself Blogfest, hosted by Stephen Tremp and his cohorts. Sign up, make the rounds, and make sure you pick up one of those name tags to stick on your boob. (Not that boob, the one on your chest. Geez...)