I used to think I got bad PMS but this whole perimenopause thing makes PMS look like a good mood.
Last night I had one of those mini-meltdowns all too familiar to ladies my age and fired off a blog in 0-point-zero-seconds-flat about how pathetic I am. I don't regret the missive – in fact I'm amazed at how well and how fast I can write when powered by pure adrenalin-induced emotion.
Just think, if I got crazy every time I wrote something I'd be as rich as Stephen King.
The best thing, the very bestest of all the best things about yesterday's post, was the swift retaliatory comments from my friends. If I wasn't bawling before I read them, I certainly was after.
I used to think I didn't have many friends.
Sometimes in the darkest, dankest depths of my sadness, I would wish for just one person to reach out and show me they cared. But the only arms to hug me were my own and the desolation of my own black corner was cold comfort to a grieving heart.
I always had the potential for friends but somehow lacked the desire, or the ability to grab hold of that potential and exploit it. I held it back, looked at it from a distance, didn't embrace it, didn't feel I was worthy of it or something, I don't know. And I'd miss another, and yet another, opportunity at friendship.
(This worthy thing, it's a problem with me, I know.)
I don't do that anymore.
I have more friends now than I have ever had. I bathe in their affection, I roll in it, I am loving how good it is. How good they are. How much I need them.
Last night they reached into my dark corner and pulled me into the light.
I just want to thank them.
And tell them that, hey, I love you, too.
P.S. This is a geranium bonsai, a rare sub-species of the common geranium, catered and cared for by my friend CJ, but dedicated to me. Please see http://hojpojart.blogspot.com/2010/01/ahem-little-uh-dedication.html.
While you're visiting CJ's site, make sure you check out her Friday Flash entries and you'll understand why I love her blog so much.