Me and Dave did the COOLEST thing on the weekend. After I dragged my betrothed off to the local wedding show (oh, and he was thrilled to attend, let me just say... old him and older me in a room full of giggling 20-year-olds ... salespeople trying NOT to ask me if I was the mother of the bride), I dragged him off on an impromptu tour of the area's swankiest hotels.
There are plenty in this area, no denying it, but one of the swankiest of them all is taboo resort in Gravenhurst. Prime lakefront real estate, killer golf course, spa, jacuzzis out the yin-yang and food that's probably even better than Swiss Chalet.
I know, I know, high praise from the Queen of Chalet Suisse.
But taboo is so choice.
Unfortunately, at this time of year, taboo is so closed.
Who really pays attention to "we are closed" signs on front doors? Not us. We saw people meandering around inside, and one of them smiled at us, so in we went.
The smile belonged to the receptionist, who is the girlfriend of the security guard. They have help, of course, but they pretty much run the place in the winter season. They are there 24/7, in this huge, hollow, empty resort hotel in the desolate wintry wilderness.
Reminding you of anything yet?
"This is a whole lot swankier than the Overlook," I said to the cute young security guard.
Did I mention he was cute?
He got my point and made a remark in return, something about The Shining and Jack Nicholson and Stephen King but I wasn't paying too much attention because a) he was cute and b) he was giving us a personalized tour of the hotel at 90 miles an hour.
"Oh," I wheezed, when he asked if he was walking too fast, "no... we're good... just wait a moment while I pop my lungs back in my heaving chest..."
We checked out the indoor pool, the restaurant and every top-of-the-line suite in the entire complex. Talk about a ginormously excellent way to spend an afternoon!
We did beat it out of there when the afore-mentioned security guard started chasing us around with an axe.
But the tour was great while it lasted.
P.S. I took this photo of taboo about a month ago, before I even dreamt I'd be thinking of having a wedding dinner there.
P.S. The security guard wasn't half as cute as Dave. I was just flattering him because he was giving us a free tour.
P.S.S. OK, dammnit, he was cute as a bug's ear. I'm engaged, not blind.
To see how sweet this hotel is, visit taboo.