Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Creamer crusade

I can't find my frickin' favourite coffee creamer.

I've looked everywhere. It's like the Hunt for Red October, except it's not, at all really, with no submarines and it's not October and it's in a blackish bottle with no red. But it's exactly like that otherwise.

It's called International House Coffeehouse Delights Caramel Macchiato Fat Free coffee creamer. Stupid long name. It's so long that I can never remember what it's called when I ask the grocery store people if they have it out back. "Erm, do you have any of that Caramel Fat Free International Something-Something Crap with the Long Name?"

I hate the name on the bottle but I love it's creamy innards so.

It's sweet, but not too sweet, and it's FAT FREE so I can drink TONS of it and don't feel guilty and it has become my obsession because, like every other product I love on this stupid planet, it got me hooked and now I CAN'T FIND IT.

I have been to six grocery stores in the last few days looking for it.

A few stores had it, but the expiry date was Dec. 21 which, in case you're wondering, was LAST YEAR. Kinda out of date, wouldn't you say? Probably a little on the lumpy side, last year's creamer. Speaking of lumpy, I told the lumpy oaf-child stocking bags of milk that the creamers were out of date. He nodded dopily (picture Shrek with expensive running shoes) and said something about pulling them from the shelves and thanked the old hag (me) for pointing it out. I was back there yesterday and last year's creamers were STILL THERE. That oaf-child is precisely why society is going to hell in a hand-cart.

A couple stores don't carry it at all and the ones that do don't seem to notice any difference between the fat-free stuff and the plaster-it-directly-on-your-ass stuff and thus I have to make Dave stand up on the cooler ledge and dig around. He makes a proper mess doing so but it serves Shrekus Dopimus right for not stocking the shelves correctly. I'm sure grocery store managers everywhere must see us coming and go, "Oh no, there's that crazy couple that climbs inside the milk cooler." 

Wait till we show up with balaclavas over our faces and my son's pellet gun. I'll go all Bonnie and Clyde over their creamless arses hollering "GET ME MY INTERNATIONAL HOUSE COFFEEHOUSE DELIGHTS CARAMEL MACCHIATO FAT FREE CREAMER AND NO ONE GETS HURT."

The balaclavas are actually a good idea. Dave says it gets pretty cold inside the milk cooler. Yesterday he either said, "Hold my butt so I don't fall out," or "It's so cold my nuts bawl and pout." 


  1. LOL Cathy this really made me laugh! I do feel for you though because you let me try some of that delightful stuff and it was definitely delicious. I think I saw some the other day in a convenience store in Gravenhurst. Does that help? :D

  2. I can't tell you how many times we have become hooked on a product only to have the store discontinue it 'cause not enough people were buying it....sheesh...

  3. Sarah - YES. What convenience store? Where? When? I MUST GO NOW! Thanks for the tip, baby!

    Delores - I KNOW! I could blog about that topic for a YEAR. Like, what happened to:
    Bojac Salad Dressing - Potato salad and devilled eggs haven't been the same since.
    Heinz BBQ Sauce - so spicy and yummy. Kraft is a poor substitute
    L'Oreal Fresh Vive Shampoo - it was so light and made my hair bounce!
    Pantene shampoo - the way it USED to be in the 70s, when it was actually GOOD, and it had metallic tops and was only available in expensive department stores.
    Goodies - they're still around but NOT THE SAME.
    Hostess potato chips - remember the silver and blue foil bags? Remember Orange Flavour?

  4. That has happened to me with lots of items I used to buy, particularly certain brands of ice cream.

    I like in a really small town, and once they remove the item from the town, it's gone forever. We only have three grocery stores, and two of them are part of the same company and have the same distributors.

    So, instead of fussing, I shop online for some speciality must-have items that I can't get locally anymore. Happily, I have ended up saving money buying in bulk, and it's nice not to have the inconvenience of traveling to many stores to get the items I like.

    Here's your creamer, possibly, on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/International-Delight-Coffeehouse-Inspirations-Macchiato/dp/B004UOVDFI/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325637738&sr=8-1-fkmr0

  5. My wife goes on quests for certain flavors of creamers, and yes, they must be fat free.
    Did you point out to the grocery store that it was trying to poison someone with expired food?

  6. Penney - this is SUCH good advice! I went to your link right away and, yes, that's the creamer! Unfortunately Amazon won't deliver to Canada and I checked with Amazon.ca and it doesn't carry food items. CRAP! However, I will continue searching because I may just find it online somewhere. Thank you so much!!!!

    Alex - I did! The last time we were at the store we took one of the expired bottles to the cashier and explained what was going on. She was very gracious and nice... hopefully she won't give it back to Shrek Junior to put back on the shelf. Good luck to your wife!

  7. Hope you find your creamer! Sounds delish!

  8. Hilarious. I have a creamer problem too. My hubs tells me just to skip the coffee and drink the creamer straight from the bottle. What can I say??? I love it.

  9. Oh, Christa, now THERE'S a good idea, drinking it straight from the bottle! Now, where did I put my straw...

  10. OMG! You are sooooo funny! I hope you find your creamer. Otherwise, we might see you and hubby on the national news soon with your son's pellet gun and the balaclavas.

  11. Hope the search goes better as the year progresses! If not, you'll need to forward this post to both the main offices of the grocery stores and the makers of the creamer. Maybe you'll get a few bottles free...

  12. Susan - really, it's too bad Oprah has retired because I'm sure she'd have us guesting with our bad-ass balaclavas and cream-coated fingertips.

    Eric - Oooh, free stuff! Now you're talking! Great to see you! Thanks for popping by. I'm really impressed with all the goals you've set for yourself this year. Fingers are crossed for you!


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