Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Fat clothes


I shoved the question to the back of my noodle as I shoved clothes into plastic garbage bags. I tried not to look at the clothes in my hand. It was like trying not to look at the sun during an eclipse.

Those are the most comfortable jeans you've ever owned. Look at that elastic waistband! OMG, you could eat Christmas dinner for main course and Thanksgiving for dessert and those pants would still fit. 

"No!" I said. To myself, not out loud, because I'm not as crazy as I sound. 

I stuffed the jeans in the bag.

The tailored white linen shorts I bought last summer. I think I only wore them twice. They looked so good, so polished. "Maybe I should hang onto them. Maybe I could wear them to work next summer." Maybe if I regained 50 pounds ...

I flung the shorts in the bag.

Lingerie I've never worn but it's oh-so-pretty and maybe some day I'll wear it. What if I need a romantic peach boudoir set? A four-sizes-too-big boudoir set? I mean, you never know when one of those oversized nighty-nights come in handy - like for when the sail on the boat needs replaced.

What if I gained back all that weight in the near future and I wanted to wear those comfy jeans and those tailored shorts? I mean, it's happened before. Lose weight, gain weight  – over the years I have accumulated an entire wardrobe of different-sized clothes, some of it dating back 20 years. 

How comfortable is that, to be able to eat what you want, knowing that, no matter how big your waistline is, there's still something in the dresser for you to wear? Too comfortable for my liking. Besides, my dresser drawers were so full of crap I never wore that I could barely open or close them. 

I was getting frustrated and knew I had to throw stuff out but kept procrastinating… I think having an oversized wardrobe close at hand is like Linus' blanket.

The last straw was watching Hoarders the other night. "Good thing I'm not like that," I said to Dave.

"Oh really?" said Dave. 

"I don't hoard anything!"

"Have you seen your dresser drawers lately?"

(Erm, actually no. They were too full to see anything.)

Today I was home from work with a cold. (Fecking cold and flu season and, yes, I had a flu shot so shaddup already.) Not fit to do anything really constructive, I decided to clean out my underwear drawer. Just for starters. 

The clean-out was exhilarating and before I knew it I had emptied out an enormous pile of crap onto the bed. "I gotta take a picture of THAT," I said to myself. (Again, not out loud.) To give you some perspective on how big the pile is, I made my dog sit beside it. (Sit, I said SIT.)

My dog is a German Shepherd. 

That's some pile of crap, eh? I'd offer to give it to you but, seriously, it will not fit you, no matter how many doughnuts you're stuffing in your gub as you read this. (OK… maybe a few more and you're close.)

I do have some crap I want to give away. Like this laughing cow. As cute as it is, I just don't need a laughing cow. If you want it, tell me in the comments. If I get more than one person wanting it, I'll drop your comments in a hat. I'll drop you an e-mail if you're the big winner, asking for your mailing address.

And no, you're not having my fat clothes. 

I said NO.



  1. Cathy! YOU, my dear, KICK ASS!!!!! You're inspiring me right now! Happy Wednesday! :)

  2. OMG! Laughing so hard right now...I just did the exact same thing with my drawers and closet and now I have nothing that fits me. Which means that I'm just going to suck it up and get back into my size 7 jeans, right? BAHAHA! Anyway, your dog is NOT a german shepherd but you are a rockin' hot mama!

    And need for a laughing cow here.

  3. Strangest looking german shepherd I've ever seen. You go girl. Send those clothes to a thrift shop (unless you want to send them to my size 1X/2X daughter (she is in desperate need of clothing).

  4. Lisa, no, I can't kick ass anymore... I threw out my ass-kicking boots.

    Shannon, seriously, are we linked in some sort of weird mind meld? Was this Cleaning Out Your Drawers Day and we just didn't know it? Is there a Hallmark card for this? (SIZE SEVEN JEANS - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? They wouldn't even fit me the day I was hatched!)

    Seriously, Delores, she's a German Shepherd. (Don't say anything out loud - she has a complex about her size.) And those clothes will be WAY too big for your daughter... trust me on that! When I lose another 50 pounds I'll save her the ones I'm buying now.

  5. I laughed so hard reading this. Good for you on cleaning out all that stuff. Oh, and look at the cute widdle puppy.

    I do not need a laughing cow, as fun as that sounds. I already have a sleeping snake, a slobbering dog, and a yowling cat. I think a laughing cow might just push me over the edge.

  6. Confession: every time I get a pile of clothes set aside to get rid of, I go back and start pulling things out again. Now I bag them up and immediately take them to my Mom's for her to donate. And she DOESN'T give them back to me :-)

  7. (snort)

    So good to toss clothes that are too big rather than too small.

    day 2 and still under my points, with 4 APs racked up. not too bad. looking forward to doing some spring cleaning myself soon ;^)

    thanks for being my hero! peace...

  8. greeeat post amazing blog =) follow

  9. You always make me laugh! My hubby is always complaining about my stuff (and I don't have that much stuff, really). I said to him, "At least I'm not a hoarder." All he did was give me the eye. Seriously, I'm not.

  10. You guys crack me up... Susan, are you sure? (giving you the eye....)

    Oh, Li, good idea with the Mom!!!! And thanks for the follow!

    Laurita, you don't want the cow? Nobody wants the cow! (Sigh. I can see re-gifting in its future....)

    GO LINDA!!!!! WOOT!!!!! Under the points! Lemme know how it goes in your first weigh-in....

    And hey, Damon, nice frog. Want a cow to go-with?


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