Saturday, May 5, 2012

But it was on sale ...

I've been out of laundry detergent for a WEEK. As anyone who wears clothes knows, that's enough of a backlog of dirty socks and underwear to set-dress for Hoarders. I was just too darned busy to get to the store and buy soap, you know? So last night the whole family went to Wal-mart – I know, big-time excitement. Part Ringling Brothers, part You Tube, a trip to Scrawl-mart is about as close to Disneyland as it gets in this house.

That bargain-seeking fever hit us as soon as we walked through the front doors and into the loving arms of the blue vested, blue haired, arthritis-adled Wal-nuts greeter. I snatched the flyer from her trembling fingers and almost knocked her down in my rush to the Hoover Dam sized display of Gain laundry goop sitting right across from the $6 pre-roasted chickens. (Question: how come the pre-cooked chickens cost less than the raw ones in the meat department? Anyone?)

Gleefully I plucked bottle after bottle of liquid Gain from the display and tossed it cavalierly into my cart.

"It's on SALE," I squealed.

"Better get SOME MORE," said Dave, his toothpaste-white teeth glinting like a tart salesman's eyes at a bingo hall.

And so we put lots and lots of Gain in our cart. We were gaining, one might say, a plethora of fresh-scented bargoons and we were delirious with consumeristic joy.

That was yesterday.

Today I heard bad words coming from the room we euphemistically call the laundry department.

"FECK," said Dave, only he didn't say feck.

"Oh dear," I thought. Musically. "What can the matter be?" After I pondered why Johnny was so late at the fair and who Johnny was anyway, I rushed to the Maytag to see.

Dave was standing in front of the washing machine holding one of the many containers of Gain.

"It's fecking FABRIC SOFTENER," he said. I looked at him like he had two heads so he said it again. Only this time he pointed to the bottle of Gain, like he was a professor, the Gain was a blackboard and I was the kid wearing the dunce cap in the front row. "It's. Fabric. SOFTENER."

Realization dawned. We had bought six bottles of fabric softener when what we needed was detergent. Even more ridiculous, we had bought a bottle of Downy fabric softener to go along with our Gain fabric softener.

Final score: fabric softener 7; detergent zip.

Our clothes will be filthy this week but they'll be softer than a baby's bottom.

Come to think of it, they'll be as smelly as a baby's bottom, too. Le sigh.



43 comments:

  1. Oh dear indeed! That (and a thousand consumer-minefield-variations on the theme) is depressingly easy to do. I usually end up with conditioner instead of shampoo, or something similar.

    The trouble is, in their rush to push the brand above all else, little details, like what the heck it is you're actually buying, often gets lost in the labeling.

    I've resigned myself to playing the part of the short-sighted old git these days while I carefully scan each label to make sure I'm selecting the right product from a bewildering shelf-full of almost-identical packages.

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    1. "old git" I love that expression!!!!

      I figure as long as I'm buying conditioner and not Neet I'll be fine.

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  2. My mom got conditioner once when she thought it was shampoo. That made for an interesting hair wash.
    Hope you kept the receipt.

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    1. Her hair was probably extra silky!!!

      Receipt? Erm, what's a receipt? That wouldn't be the piece of paper I used to start a fire yesterday, was it?

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  3. Me too. Sad isn't it. And buying the damn stuff when it is on sale (even if I do get the right one) means that there is nowhere to store it. I have almost total sales resistance (except in book shops and plant nurseries) and generally make the smaller portion do it all. Fortunately the poor deluded fool likes grocery shopping and indeed shopping in general.

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    1. I hear ya, EC. That's why big box stores like Costco don't appeal to me - well, to be honest they DO but I just haven't got room or a need for that amount of crap.

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  4. Been there and done that. Laughing a lot, even as I sympathise.

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    1. Thanks Amanda!!!! That's what I figure, we've all done it... sigh...

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  5. Oh rats! I hope you can return it.

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    1. Daisy, I think all my relatives will be getting it under their tree this Christmas.

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  6. Cathy I'm going to say to you what I must say to my husband a kajillion times a day.....READ. THE. LABEL. lol. Gosh, I haven't been to Creepy Crawley Mart in ages. Great post, real snorter.

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    1. I know, I know, I know... it's just... the excitement... I can't help myself...

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    2. And oh YEAH - another word for Wally World I hadn't heard until your comment. Thanks Delores!

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  7. Replies
    1. You're welcome, Karen! Want some fabric softener?

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  8. I am so sorry to be laughing at your softener snafu but OMG that was hilarious!!!!!

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    1. Thanks JoJo! I love it when people type OMG in their comments!!!! :)

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  9. Oh, that was too funny! But don't feel bad, we've all been blinded by those words ON SALE before. :)

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    1. Those words are like flashing neon sex, aren't they Madeline? Irresistible!

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  10. Bah Hahahahahahaha OMG I'm rolling on the floor! Sorry for your unfortunate 'gain', but thanks so much for the laugh! :)

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    1. Better a fabric softener gain than a weight gain!

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  11. That's so funny. It's totally something I would do. You'll have super-soft clothes.

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    1. It'll be like a whole closet full of cashmere!

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  12. The one great truth I have learned over all my years is that if WalMart has it on sale, something is wrong with it. If Walmart is giving you a deal, there is something very wrong. Can you tell how I hate Walmart! Yes, with a passion.

    Anyway, back to the detergent. I'm sorry that happened to you because now you're have to go back there again. I recently read that hot water works as well as washing with detergent in cold water. Just in case that helps to get you through the night.

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    1. Rubye, obviously I went to the WRONG STORE. (See Karen's Anonymous comment, below... Karen works at the grocery store I usually go to, the one I LOVE -- If I had of gone there, this whole shamozzle would never have happened... off to look up shamozzle...) Thanks for the laundry tip!

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  13. Ha ha ha! Golly, a real deja-vu moment there for me!

    Never mind, Cathy. Just think of all the time you won't have to buy fabric conditioner!

    I think the advertising campaign departments in the stores must sit down planning fiendish plots to separate us consumers from our hard-earned cash - I wonder if they award extra points to the team member who succeeds in getting us to buy totally the wrong items....?

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  14. Now that is funny! Hey, I accidentally washed our clothes in automatic dish detergent once. At least they didn't have streaks, right?

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  15. Hmmm, see what happens when you go to the wrong store!

    karen

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    1. KAREN! FORGIVE ME! I LOST MY MIND! From now on I will faithfully shop at Gagnon's Independent in beautiful downtown Bracebridge, where the very nicest cashiers in the WORLD work!!!!! And if you happen to see me in Scrawl-Mart, for any reason, it's just to reinforce how good Gagnon's is.

      :)

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    2. You're forgiven, Cathy!
      karen

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  16. I heard somewhere we all use too much detergent anyway, and you can get your clothes clean without it?

    Here is the UK they sell Eco balls, you chuck them in the machine, with the clothes instead of detergent. Not at all sure how they work! But people tell me they do. Good for about 80 washes...guess you must have them there too?

    Amusing real life post. Thank you

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    1. Thanks for the tip, Maria! I don't know about no detergent but I DO know that you should never, ever put regular dishwashing soap in the dishwasher... that's a baaaaaaaaaad scene.
      Eco balls, huh? My husband is very curious....

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  17. Replies
    1. Why thank you, Jake! And thanks for the follow, too! :)

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  18. That was funny Cathy, thanks for the smile ^__^

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  19. LOL! Ooooops! ;-) Shoot, you just reminded me I need to buy some detergent too!

    Some Dark Romantic

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  20. My daughter is in the other room and wondering why I am laughing hysterically. I especially loved that you bought the other fabric softener too!!
    Thanks for the (happy) tears!

    Linda

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  21. I laughed like a drain at this.

    Thank you!

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  22. Oh my, I have done something like this more than once. I grab three cans that are standing together after picking up and reading the label. Then I end up with one can of what I wanted and two cans of some garbage that LOOKED the same but wasn't. LOL!

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