Monday, October 28, 2013

It's Not Hallowe'en That's Freaking Me Out


National Novel Writing Month starts this Friday and I'm scared out of my freakin' mind. Honestly, I haven't done any serious writing since who-the-feck-knows and I'm terrified I've forgotten how. Don't scoff – writing is like marathon running. Well, I think it is, not actually being a runner and getting winded when I make the way down the Twizzler aisle at Walmart.

Seriously though, writing is like any kind of training – the more you do, the easier it gets, and the better it gets. I did Nano two years ago (it's when I did the majority of writing for Green Eggs & Weezie) and I remember colleague Mark Kerstetter commenting that he could tell I had been doing some intensive writing because even my blog posts showed some powerfully buff writing muscles. Well, he said something like that. I forget exactly, but the point is he wrote that two years ago and his words still ring in my head, not only as a compliment but as a warning that my writing muscles are now as flabby as their owner.

Still, I'm not going to let that get me down. I am going to write at least 50,000 words during Nano. I will. I make that pledge to you and to myself this very moment. I will persevere. I have to. Because now, at the ripe old age of 53, I am finally starting to think of myself as a Writer. I've been playing around with it my whole darned life but I've never fully accepted it as a description that belongs fully to me. Yes, I wrote as a journalist. Yes, I blog and write short stories. And yeah, I finally realized my lifelong dream and finished an entire book. Still, I was sort of mincing around the title of Writer.

Not now, though. It's do or die for me. I've practically accepted the fact that nobody wants to hire a fat, grey-haired old broad anymore. No, don't scoff – it's true. I've tried. Wait until you're 53 or older and suddenly your old field of endeavour doesn't exist anymore (graphic design in newspapers is almost entirely done in India) and your experience doesn't apply anywhere else. I've tried applying at sign companies and for social media jobs and they've hired youngsters. Nobody wants to invest in a grey-hair. We think we know everything. We want to be paid too much. And, who knows, we could die at any moment so why invest training if we're just gonna pop off one night? Yes, I could work at Walmart. Or the grocery store – IF I didn't have such bad knees. Seriously, I couldn't stand behind the till for more than 20 minutes without crying in pain. Granted, I could lose weight and fix my knees and get a job at Canadian Tire, but why would I? For minimum wage? And be unhappy?

I'm lucky right now. Dave makes just enough money to support us both. You don't have to tell me to be grateful, because I am. This is an opportunity. The opportunity I've been wishing for my whole life. I can be a Writer. Now all I have to do is write. Oh, Nano, you're scaring the crap outta me. But I need you like an alkie needs a bottle of Listerine.

***

I was intrigued by a comment on yesterday's post from author River Fairchild who wrote: Cathy, published is published. It doesn't matter who published it. You are a business. You are not only a writer, but also a publisher.

She's right. It doesn't matter if you're self-published or published by Harper Collins. But there I was at a party denigrating myself, saying that I was "only" a self-published author. Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous. I know that it's almost impossible to get a traditional publishing contract when publishing companies and bookstores are going bankrupt. I know that e-books are the wave of, not only the future, but NOW. Because I'm also a reader, I know that self-published books are every bit as good as the other ones. I know this. I do. But I have to start owning it.

River is right. (If you know her, you know River is always right.)

I am an author. Period.

***

Speaking of authors, Marian Allen at Fantasies, Mysteries, Comedies and Recipes invited me to do a guest spot at her blog. (Thanks Marian! *waves*) Please, if you have a moment, drop by and leave a comment. So far I'm the only commenter - I'm beginning to think I drive people away in droves! Just the mere mention of MY BOOK sends 'em a-running! I do understand that you're sick of hearing about me and my book. It's just that it's the biggest thing going on in my life right now. Not working has limited my blogging experience. I find that I have three things to write about: my book, my dog's butt hole and cleaning kitty litter. I think I'll dress up as MY BOOK for Hallowe'en. That'll scare the little feckers who dare come to my door!

So go see Marian. Way you go, Alex ... yup, you too, William and EC. Delores and Deb, stop stalling. JoJo, step away from your sick couch. Geez you guys, somebody give Buzzard and Buttons and Karen a shove, will ya? And stop trampling on Juli, Dana, Deb and Linda!

***


One more thing - congratulations are in order for Madeline Mora-Summonte at Shellshank Redemption who has just today released her first book! Love the cover. Love the title. And the stories are fabulous – I just downloaded People We Used To Be this morning and already I'm halfway through.

If you buy her book (it's only a buck) and you love it (because you will), don't forget to leave a review on Amazon. It really helps other people decide whether or not to buy it.

Best of luck Madeline! So happy for you!

33 comments:

  1. I'm going...I'm going already...don't push.

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  2. Just so you know, your book is on my list. I'm just sooo behind.

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    1. I hear ya!!!! Thanks for putting me on that list, though!

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  3. Cathy, thank you so much for mentioning my book! I really hope you're (still!) enjoying the stories. :)

    NaNo scares me, too. It doesn't seem to matter how often I've done it or if I've got story notes, a plot, etc,, it still freaks me out. But it's usually the scary things we do that end up being so incredibly worth it in one way or another. :)

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    1. I agree. Nano is like childbirth. It's hard and scary and it hurts but it's worth it... usually.. except when it's 3 a.m. and the kid is screaming...

      When I get a chance I'm going to finish your book and post a review on Amazon and Goodreads etc.

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  4. Cathy you have a right to be proud. You have a BOOK. I know all about the job thing. I am a couple of years ahead of you and have health issues. Nobody but maybe Wal-Mart will hire me. I just haven't got my butt in the chair and tired to write anything. My muses are pissed.

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    1. Stop pissing off the muses! Geez, they're so short-tempered as it is!

      It sucks getting old, it really does. I remember when my former company laid off a 60-year-old woman, and I remember her crying, "Nobody's going to hire me! I'm 60!" And it was so unfair. Eventually she did find work, in her field, but she had to move three hours away and change her whole life to do it.

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  5. You are a published author! Doesn't matter how.
    Dave has blessed you with a great opportunity. Enjoy it. Once you dive back into writing, you'll hit your groove again.

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    1. Dave is my hero. He really is. And I hope you're right about that groove thing. Just call me Stella!

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  6. Oh Cathy you are going to do NaNo I was thinking of it but I be scared:) I am much older than you.Man you are 53 and so wise:) I agree you are a writer and a publisher and I think that is fantastic someday I will get the nerve to believe in myself I may do it about the age of Alice Munro getting truly recognized still have some time 83 not there yet:) I will do it because I can see you did it you inspire my dear Cathy. Way to go. Thanks for the shove:) hug B
    I am off to check out your friend.

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    1. You know what? As scary as Nano is, I have to say it's only scary until you start. You should try, you really should. You'd be surprised what you can accomplish. And it's fun!

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  7. Thanks for dropping by at my place Cathy! Means a lot. :)

    Look me up at the Nano-verse - we can be each other's occasional kick in the arse.

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  8. Thanks for visiting, Cathy, and for herding ... inviting your friends over, too. :)

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    1. Herding! heheheh! No, thank YOU Marian! You're a sweetie and I appreciate what you did SO MUCH! Hugs!

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  9. I am going. And, in future, instead of listening to yourself, listen to us. You are a writer. It is a big part of who you are. And some of the other parts of you tell lies - particularly to yourself.

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  10. Good luck with the marathon writing session! I'm sure you can do it. I must return to my sick couch...I mean recliner.... now. lmao

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    1. Sick couch! That's what my family calls the chesterfield in the living room. It gets all set up with ginger ale, Kleenex, a puke bucket, Vick's Vapo-Rub, dry toast, snuggly blankets and pillows and the clicker-box! Life of luxury, is what it is!

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  11. Ok, I think I have it now. Like E.C. said, some parts tell lies--"I'll get it started...two pages tomorrow...." That's me.

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    1. I have that lying part, too.... sometimes I think I need an amputation.

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  12. If you write you are a writer, if you publish you are published! Of course you're an author - it took me a time to accept that fact for myself.

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    1. I know, right? Maybe it's because, in my mind anyway, authors are those greats like Ernest Hemingway and Margaret Laurence... people whose stories I read in high school.

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  13. Awesome post! Yes, you are absolutely a writer! I totally know what you mean about sidestepping that point at times--I do so all the time--but I've been trying to be better about it :) And I'm wishing you all the luck on NaNo! Kick some butt!!

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  14. Terrific post, Cathy!

    I'm always astounded at those who can manage NaNo... not quite something I can do!

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    1. You should try, William! The hardest thing is getting started. The rest is just perseverance and tons of coffee!

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  15. Indeed I do know River. And, yes, she *is* always right.

    Recently, as recently as yesterday, someone congratulated me on having my book published (they'd seen the flurry of posts about the CreateSpace version of "Not by Dark Alone.") I was asked who published it.

    Self-published, replied I. And then I went on to say that I'd also had short stories published by others...thereby downplaying my longest published to-date.

    Sheesh.

    So, I hear ya, Ms. Cathy. A book was written, finished, edited, formatted six ways from Sunday, published, purchased, reviewed. All that more than qualifies the writer of said book as a writer. We seem to be the last to accept it. Nutz, yes?

    So, Ms. Writer Cathy. Enjoy NaNo. I'm right there with you. Freaked out.

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    1. What a great comment, Kevin. It's nice to see other people in the same boat!

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  16. I love Madeline's title and cover. It sounds like my type of book.

    Best of writing in the coming month!

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    1. I just now finished Madeline's book. Couldn't recommend it any higher!

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  17. you are a writer because you finish your pieces - you are a published writer because you have published.
    Congratulations
    the Ol'Buzzard

    Also if you can't find a job perhaps you should create a job: Put together a curriculum and teach classes on self-publishing.
    Just a thought.
    O'B

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