It's Not Hallowe'en That's Freaking Me Out

National Novel Writing Month starts this Friday and I'm scared out of my freakin' mind. Honestly, I haven't done any serious writing since who-the-feck-knows and I'm terrified I've forgotten how. Don't scoff – writing is like marathon running. Well, I think it is, not actually being a runner and getting winded when I make the way down the Twizzler aisle at Walmart.

Seriously though, writing is like any kind of training – the more you do, the easier it gets, and the better it gets. I did Nano two years ago (it's when I did the majority of writing for Green Eggs & Weezie) and I remember colleague Mark Kerstetter commenting that he could tell I had been doing some intensive writing because even my blog posts showed some powerfully buff writing muscles. Well, he said something like that. I forget exactly, but the point is he wrote that two years ago and his words still ring in my head, not only as a compliment but as a warning that my writing muscles are now as flabby as their owner.

Still, I'm not going to let that get me down. I am going to write at least 50,000 words during Nano. I will. I make that pledge to you and to myself this very moment. I will persevere. I have to. Because now, at the ripe old age of 53, I am finally starting to think of myself as a Writer. I've been playing around with it my whole darned life but I've never fully accepted it as a description that belongs fully to me. Yes, I wrote as a journalist. Yes, I blog and write short stories. And yeah, I finally realized my lifelong dream and finished an entire book. Still, I was sort of mincing around the title of Writer.

Not now, though. It's do or die for me. I've practically accepted the fact that nobody wants to hire a fat, grey-haired old broad anymore. No, don't scoff – it's true. I've tried. Wait until you're 53 or older and suddenly your old field of endeavour doesn't exist anymore (graphic design in newspapers is almost entirely done in India) and your experience doesn't apply anywhere else. I've tried applying at sign companies and for social media jobs and they've hired youngsters. Nobody wants to invest in a grey-hair. We think we know everything. We want to be paid too much. And, who knows, we could die at any moment so why invest training if we're just gonna pop off one night? Yes, I could work at Walmart. Or the grocery store – IF I didn't have such bad knees. Seriously, I couldn't stand behind the till for more than 20 minutes without crying in pain. Granted, I could lose weight and fix my knees and get a job at Canadian Tire, but why would I? For minimum wage? And be unhappy?

I'm lucky right now. Dave makes just enough money to support us both. You don't have to tell me to be grateful, because I am. This is an opportunity. The opportunity I've been wishing for my whole life. I can be a Writer. Now all I have to do is write. Oh, Nano, you're scaring the crap outta me. But I need you like an alkie needs a bottle of Listerine.

***

I was intrigued by a comment on yesterday's post from author River Fairchild who wrote: Cathy, published is published. It doesn't matter who published it. You are a business. You are not only a writer, but also a publisher.

She's right. It doesn't matter if you're self-published or published by Harper Collins. But there I was at a party denigrating myself, saying that I was "only" a self-published author. Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous. I know that it's almost impossible to get a traditional publishing contract when publishing companies and bookstores are going bankrupt. I know that e-books are the wave of, not only the future, but NOW. Because I'm also a reader, I know that self-published books are every bit as good as the other ones. I know this. I do. But I have to start owning it.

River is right. (If you know her, you know River is always right.)

I am an author. Period.

***

Speaking of authors, Marian Allen at Fantasies, Mysteries, Comedies and Recipes invited me to do a guest spot at her blog. (Thanks Marian! *waves*) Please, if you have a moment, drop by and leave a comment. So far I'm the only commenter - I'm beginning to think I drive people away in droves! Just the mere mention of MY BOOK sends 'em a-running! I do understand that you're sick of hearing about me and my book. It's just that it's the biggest thing going on in my life right now. Not working has limited my blogging experience. I find that I have three things to write about: my book, my dog's butt hole and cleaning kitty litter. I think I'll dress up as MY BOOK for Hallowe'en. That'll scare the little feckers who dare come to my door!

So go see Marian. Way you go, Alex ... yup, you too, William and EC. Delores and Deb, stop stalling. JoJo, step away from your sick couch. Geez you guys, somebody give Buzzard and Buttons and Karen a shove, will ya? And stop trampling on Juli, Dana, Deb and Linda!

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One more thing - congratulations are in order for Madeline Mora-Summonte at Shellshank Redemption who has just today released her first book! Love the cover. Love the title. And the stories are fabulous – I just downloaded People We Used To Be this morning and already I'm halfway through.

If you buy her book (it's only a buck) and you love it (because you will), don't forget to leave a review on Amazon. It really helps other people decide whether or not to buy it.

Best of luck Madeline! So happy for you!

Mark Kerstetter – Letter from a Friend

My dad used to call me Albert A, a nod to Mr. Einstein. It wasn't a compliment. Usually he dissed me with the name at suppertime when we were arguing about politics and I was being a smartass know-it-all. Lately I've realized I'm not that smart. Well, not intellectually. I've got enough smarts to do what I've gotta do but a scholar, I ain't.

Geez, that Mark Kerstetter, though. He's one of the smartest people I know. He's so into the process of learning, of expressing himself, of thinking – man, it's just incredible. I lurk at his blog, The Bricoleur. I used to comment and I still do occasionally but I have to say most of what he talks about is miles over my silly head. I feel like he is a Great Master and I'm this dopey cocker spaniel dancing around his heels.

He would argue with me about this because he is truly one of the most modest, genuine people I've ever come across. While I had an easy time of it growing up in a wonderful family, he struggled. I was spoiled. He spent time on the streets. My brain stopped filling up the minute I walked away from college. Mark's has continued to grow and expand in the most exciting ways – to the point where he is one of the most respected artists, poets and art writers on the web. He has a devoted following of the like-minded at his blogs, The Bricoleur and Fridge Soup, and the popular web-zine he's strongly involved in, Escape Into Life.

I met up with Mark through Friday Flash, that fantastic community of writers who post a short story, of 1,000 words or less (flash fiction, they call it), every Friday. Anyone can do it. Beginning writers. Experienced writers. Anybody who feels the urge to tell a story. The best thing about it is everyone is SO supportive. You write, you post, you read other people's work, they read yours, you get and give encouragement, you become a better writer. I encourage everyone who visits this blog to give it a try. If it wasn't for Friday Flash, I wouldn't be writing a novel. I wouldn't have written 50 or more short stories. And I surely wouldn't have come across Mark Kerstetter.

You know? The best thing about Mark? He is the last person who would ever lord his smarts over anyone. He is so down to earth that even the earth must take an elevator to greet him. He is humble, and nice – really darned nice – and over the last few years he has become one of those small circle of bloggers who honestly feel like family.

bricolage |ˌbrēkōˈlä zh; ˌbrikə-|noun ( pl. same or -lages)(in art or literature) construction or creation from a diverse range of available things : the chaotic bricolage of the novel is brought together in a unifying gesture.• something constructed or created in this way : bricolages of painted junk.ORIGIN mid 20th cent.: French, from bricoler ‘do odd jobs, repair.’

bricoleur |ˌbrēkōˈlər; ˌbrikə-|nouna person who engages in bricolage.ORIGIN mid 20th cent.: French, literally ‘handyman.’

Dear Cathy,

I’m lucky to be counted among your internet friends. Especially since it’s perhaps not easy to know me from my online presence. You show us life on the Muskoka River. We see Dave and the kids, the cabin, we learn about blackflies and yurts. People don’t see the bricoleur’s workshop so much as his finished products, my good face. But more than that, I’m different in conversation than in writing. I can be a lot funnier, for one thing.

Throughout the '70s and '80s the neighborhood I live in had the reputation as one of the worst in our city. When Victoria and I moved in the whole neighborhood was a shambles, with only a handful of people, like us, trying to build it back up. They were investors. We couldn’t afford anything better. They fixed up their houses and flipped them. We stayed. They had no investment long-term, no interest in doing the real dirty work. We did. Today it’s a good neighborhood, and I can honestly say that Victoria and I had a hand in making it so, with a whole lot of luck of course (we could not have predicted nice folks would want to move here).

It’s a porch culture. People often tell us they’ve never seen another neighborhood (even within the city) where neighbors say hello and offer each other glasses of wine on their porches. To give you some context: in the '80s all of the porches had been enclosed. The neighbors hid from each other. One of the first things we did was tear those walls down, open up the porch the way it was intended to be. Don’t get me wrong, I like it when people mind their own business, but I also want to know who my neighbors are, to be able to talk to them about important matters if necessary, to back them up and know they have my back. I feel safe in saying that if you and Dave lived next door we would love having you as neighbors, that is, unless you get into loud arguments late at night or allow trapped dogs to yap endlessly or set up a meth lab in your house – then we’d have to talk.

So, I really mean it when I call myself a bricoleur. It’s not just my art that’s made out of whatever is laying around. My whole life is like that. I fix up my house with salvaged wood. All our furniture came from alleys and dumpsters. The bike I ride was somebody’s reject (even the cap and jacket you see me wearing in the photo were giveaways). My whole life is about striking a balance between what I need, have to do and want. It’s about mastering minutes. This is the moment I have to write, this is the moment I have to work on the house, this is the moment I have to make money, this is a second for twitter…. and now a nap. I often think of how precarious life is and how good I have it. All my adult life I’ve been among the working poor, yet in the important ways I’m rich and I never forget that.

The main thing about me that you can’t see from my blogger face is Victoria. She’s my heart. I’d be worthless without her, no doubt about it. If you saw us together you would see it. I wouldn’t have to say a word.

Cheers, Cathy - Now go work on that book!

Your internet porch buddy,

Mark