Muskie-bait Makeover

MISTY YESTERDAY MORNING: Lookit me, I'm all hairy. Even my feet are hairy. I look so snooty.  And I'm fat! Lookee how fat I am. How can I smile when I am this fat? You wanna talk about hot flashes? Don't even go there, girlfriend; I'm a walking talking waddling hot flash all day all the time. Do I look happy? Well? Do I, punk? Go ahead. Pet me. Make my day. I will grab your fingers in my tiny white teeth and, grrrrrr, bite them off like pre-wrapped sausages. How come they don't have pre-wrapped bacon? Oh wait. They do. And it's gross, but I'll eat anything in a pinch because I am so fat and so snooty. I am hairy, hear me rowr-rowr.

MISTY LAST NIGHT AFTER TRIP TO MUSKOKA SPA FOR DOGS: (Note: her voice has gone up two octaves.) Lookit meeeee! I am happpeeeeee! I lose 10 pounds in one day, even though I only weigh 7 pounds to begin with. Years younger, I look. Everyone say. Oil of Olay, that's meeeee. Big eyes, I have. No make-up, just natural beauty. I sleek and light, like greyhound. No, like black squirrel, especially with poofy tail that you can't see, but have I. Sleek with puffy squirrel tail and so-Cosmo pink scarf to match happeeeee tongue. Lookit how happy my tongue is! I soooooo happy! Masters say, "where Misty? where Misty go?" But I right here in disguise. I look so good, they don't recognize me. They think Paris Hilton dog has moved in, or Great Black Squirrel. No more hot flashes; I Cool Paw Luke.