Monday, July 11, 2011

Cathy.com


Did I tell you Dave's ex is also named Cathy?
Funny, huh.
Like my cousin, Karen – I used to tease her because her husband's ex was named Karen. I thought, what kind of same-name-seeking weirdo would marry two women with the same name? It's handy, I suppose. You never call the wrong name out at the wrong moment. Trust me, that's a good thing. My ex is named Doug and, after 19 years of saying Doug, it was hard at first for the tongue to stop at the Duh sound and not continue on to the Ug sound.
Once it started the tongue didn't know enough to say Duh then Aave. The brain knew but the tongue was a screw-up and the brain was constantly apologizing for the stupid tongue.
Nearly six years later, I now call my ex "Dave." So, that's better, I think. At least the results are better, even though the tongue is still stupid.
Where was I? Oh, Cathy. Yes, when the "old Cathy" dealt him him a "get out of marriage free card," he found me. He wasn't seeking another Cathy. There is no Cathy.com website, although that's a good idea. People get matched up for pretty stupid reasons, why not choose your soul mate based on his/her name?
I, for one, would never go to a Jason.com site because I find people named Jason are bullheaded. I work with a guy named Jason and he's one of my favourite people at the office and while he's not even half as stubborn as some guys named Jason I've met, he still has Jason traits.
I would never go to a Phil.com site because they all have red-rimmed eyeballs and pasty white skin. At least the Phils I know. No, I don't know Mr. Donahue but have you noticed the pinkness around his eyes? I think Phils must be part-rabbits.
I'd avoid Darren.com (self-absorbed and possibly gay), Andrew.com (momma's boys) and Doug.com (can't trust 'em).
These are gross exaggerations, of course and, while there very well may be exceptions, this is my blog. So there.
Gawd, what was I saying?
Oh, the ex.
Yes, she popped into Dave's work today so he could fix her pick-up truck.
He told me right off and was all open and honest because, generally speaking, Daves are that way. Especially mine.
And while I always tell Dave not to be jealous of my ex, I got this weird burning sensation in my chest when I heard the ex paid a call.
Jealousy, I think they call it. Jealousy, or maybe heartburn.
Now, I have nothing to be jealous of. Sure she's skinny and I'm not, but skinny ain't every darn thing. I know I got her beat in about a zillion other departments and I know Dave isn't heading back her way. So I have nothing to be jealous of.
Right?
Pass the Rolaids, please.

17 comments:

  1. Ha ha it's all in the name! I laughed while reading this Cathy, as always very entertaining.

    I know what you're saying about names, I've never warmed to Simons mainly because a Simon was very mean to me when I was about 15 and some part of my brain has black-listed them now. - Silly really, now give me an Adam or Anthony even a Richard (have to say that I'm married to one) any day! ^_^

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  2. Damn straight, Michael... did I mention Michael is one of my favourite .com names?
    And Helen, I KNOW! Look at Simon Cowell! Ya, he's funny, but would you DATE him?

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  3. Funny yet I sympathize and understand

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  5. I had to sit here for a moment and wonder why my monitor was acting like a '50s TV before I realized the color really wasn't going to pop back into your header. O.o
    Thanks for the laugh! You can write anything with such wit. *hands you more rolaids*

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  6. Try alka seltzer. Much more effective. I'm sure the minute he saw "old" Cathy he had some pretty ugly flashbacks.

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  7. Ha! here's some tums, friend. and yes, your b-n-w blog freaked me out, thought something was wrong with my eyes. he loves you, yayaya... you! peace...

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  8. Nice comic book look today, Cathy. But I think you need to make your face green. Dave's a great guy for bringing it to your attention.

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  9. Lynda.com - one of the nicest, gentlest names I know.
    Mark.com - sensitive, sweet, kind.
    Laura.com - funny, busy, supportive, BUSY. Yet ANOTHER book? Are you KIDDING ME? I could write several posts about being jealous of Laura.com.
    Delores.com - One of our favourite neighbours was a lovely lady named Delores. She died just a few weeks ago and she will definitely be missed. I've never met a Delores I didn't adore.
    Linda.com - the most peaceful name, although in need of a date with an optometrist...
    Alan.com - sexy silver-haired fox name. Looks good in a fez.

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  10. My experience with Daves is that they are pretty good guys, and handsome to boot. Dave.com might do well. This blog is Cathy.com for those of us who need our daily fix of Canadian hilarity. :)

    Love the new look.

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  11. Laurita.com - where everyone who wants charm, spunk, graciousness and talent goes.

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  12. What about my name? This is really funny, I'm still laughing.

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  13. Cathy - I enjoyed your ruminations on names. I also thought something was wrong with my screen...lol

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  14. As a former Kathy who rebelled and became a Kat...I quite agree that there should be a Cathy.com. :D

    Don't sweat the ex, Ladybug, there's a reason she's an ex. She was the wrong Cathy.

    ;)

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