Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Always look on the bright side of life (woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo)



Editor's Note: I wrote this on Thursday when all seemed horrid. Things are not quite so horrid this morning. I mean, I still owe the government a TON of money but I have been looking at the Bright Side of Life and feel ever so much better! :)

What I really want to do is list all the crappy things that are bringing me down. They're all whapping me across the head like a kid with an empty cardboard roll of Christmas wrapping.

I feel like I should be walking around with my elbows over my head just to protect my noggin from the next whapping.
But far be it from me to whine about anything.

(Ahem.)

Instead I am going to concentrate on the positives!

I am putting a splenderifous grin on my big old whappitty face!

(Speaking of faces, did you see that guy who got paid $15,000 to have the Mitt Romney campaign logo on his face? What a genius, eh? I betcha he's seen the business end of a Christmas roll once or twice before.)

1. I had a really good cry this morning!

A solid, solitary cry in the privacy of my car, replete with fire engine red eye whites and puffy cheeks. When I was done I repaired the facial damage as best I could then went back into the office where a suspicious colleague asked if I was getting a cold.

"No," I said.

"You look like Rudolph," she said.

Not wanting to go into a big song and dance about bawling in the parking lot, I told her, "I have a drinking problem."

2. I don't have to pay the government $12,000 right away! In fact, I only have to start by paying them $560!

3. As far as I know I am not being charged with tax fraud! WOOT!

Oh, you're probably wondering what I'm talking about. Sigh. I didn't let the Canada Child Benefit (baby bonus) people know that my ex had custody of the children back in 2006. I didn't do it on purpose. I let Revenue Canada know. I filed my income tax correctly. And, to make sure the children's father got every penny he was entitled to, we went to the bank together to set up a bank account in his name, where the baby bonus would be deposited every month.

I thought all was right with the world until I got a letter from the government accusing me of taking money away from my own children, committing tax fraud and demanding all their money back.

I phoned the government and some tool told me it didn't matter that I didn't get the money – it was in my name and that was that. In tears I asked how I was going to pay it back. He said, deadpan, "With a cheque."

Bastard!

My ex phoned the government and told them he had proof that I never got the money, that it went to the rightful place – our children, via his bank account. They refused to talk to him because I was the one in doo-doo, not him. They did suggest that he could apply for the baby bonus in his own name, dating all the way back to 2006.

The thing is – and here's the thing: how much baby bonus you get depends on your income. My income, as a matter of fact (it should have been based on his). For the first while, I had a single income and the benefits going to my ex were substantial – sometimes up to $500 a month. When I moved in with Dave, we had a "combined income" and the baby bonus dropped substantially – about $30 a month.

In total, I will have to repay about $12,000.

My ex, on the other hand, has had a single income for all of those years. He will likely be eligible for far more than $12,000. I figure it could be as much as $30,000!!! You'd think the gov't would have left well enough alone and they'd be $18,000 ahead.

What we're going to do, hopefully, is wait until my ex's cheque arrives. Then I'll pay the government the money they want and my ex will have a big chunk of cashola to put towards the children. Good deal, right? I don't know. I hate being accused of tax fraud. I would never even DREAM of doing that. They can accuse me of being a well intentioned dumbass, of being terrible at paperwork, but, as Richard Nixon once said as he was being taken away in shackles, "I am not a crook."



The first time I called their office, that's how they treated me. I guess that's what happens to a person working in that office when all day long they deal with situations like this.

However, the person I talked to this morning, a lovely woman with an even lovelier French accent, was NICE. I told her as much, as I was bawling into the phone, apologizing for crying and telling her over and over how *sob* nice *sniffle* she *blow nose* is.

She didn't change anything. But at least she heard what I was saying and she was NICE.

There's more whapping but I think you've had enough for now. I know I have.

Until next time, "always look on the bright side of life!" 



Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewin' on life's gristle, don't grumble give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best

And always look on the bright side of life 
Always look on the light side of life

If life seems jolly rotten there's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing

For life is quite absurd and death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin
Enjoy it it's your last chance anyhow

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true
You'll see it's all a show keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you. 


"Always Look On The Bright Side of Life"
Written by Eric Idle and Monty Python.

42 comments:

  1. Why is it when we are thinking we are always doing the "right" thing, it blows up in our faces, while the whole time someone else can get away with bloody murder? I would like to know what that is! (did you ever get my email, as I had sent it 2x? maybe you could try emailing me? at justnorthofwiarton@live.ca)

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    1. That's exactly how I feel. I really truly thought I had done the right thing. ARGGHHHHH!!!!!

      I have been having trouble with my hotmail account... but I just sent you an e-mail, just now, so hopefully you'll get it.

      Delete
  2. This is so completely utterly wrong is so many ways. A good loving person (and excellent mom by the way - I met your boys they are undeniable proof of your good-mum-(wo)man-ship) trying to do the right thing and being harassed anyway by the very government who smile and smile and remain the true villains. And you are amazing, you speak your truth, keep doing the right thing and the give all of us something to cheer and singabout, you are selfless and lovely.

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    1. Yup, I have to agree with ya, Kel, I'm all that and a bag of chips. ;)

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  3. Think of that trip your all gonna go on cuz of their stupidity!!!

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    1. Hey Liz! Thanks for the coffee!!!! That was AWESOME! oxoxo

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  4. Well at least it sounds like the ex is going to be fair about it. Man, what a mess.

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    1. He oughta be fair about some things!!!!
      Yeah, it's a mess alright. Did I mention I'm sick of messes? I need some kind of quicker-picker-upper.

      Delete
  5. As you would say, 'fecking' government!!!!! Honestly! :( I'm so sorry you've been having a hard time lately. A lot of my friends are....between bad news, illnesses and Mercury being retrograde, November's been a bad month. Hang in there!

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    1. I know, right? There's some serious shite going on round here. Fecking shite. (How I do love that word!)

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  6. I suggest getting a tax attorney.

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  7. It will all work out, my friend! (At least that's what I'm telling myself no less than eighty times a day right now...!;) I'm thinking of you!!! xoxo

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  8. That whole thing with the baby bonus and the money - wow! Why do they call it government intelligence again?

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    1. If I knew the answer to that I'd win the Nobel prize.

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  9. Bureaucracy... I'm just not sure what you can say about it. Then there's the part where it took them 6 years to notice.

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  10. Aaargh! Red tape and bureaucracy... ridiculous and frustrating, but hopefully it will work itself out. In the meantime, thank goodness for Eric Idle. ;-)

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    1. Things always do, Ermie. Just another bump in the road, is all.

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  11. A mess indeed! A tax attorney, right away.

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    1. You're not a tax attorney are you Susan? Just wondering...

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  12. Oh my word! I have received child tax benefit for almost 18 years of my son's life and now I have to make sure that the money was going into the right account in the right name. I don't want the same situation. Hope everything works out for the best.

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    1. You'll be fine, Clarissa, I'm sure!!! It's only stupid people like me who feck up.

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  13. we have a saying here in Trelawnyd
    "everything's got TITS UP"

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    1. And what a unique Trelawnyd expression that is!!!!! LOL!

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  14. That happened to my uncle several years ago. He took custody of his son since his ex was having trouble with the son. She never disputed the fact that he wasn't giving her child support, but the state did. Said he owed $17,000. I believe he ended up getting a lawyer to clear it all up.
    They don't care. Rules are rules and instead of looking at individual circumstances they just look at you and say "those are the rules".

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    1. That is the thing I've heard over and over: "those are the rules." And you're right, they don't care.

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  15. Cathy I have said this before, I can't remember just what the last occassion was but you are indeed naturally funny when even the worst of times bring such humor out of you. That is a very good trait you possess! I'm not taking pleasure in your misfortune but your delivery of, "Not wanting to go into a big song and dance about bawling in the parking lot, I told her, "I have a drinking problem." made me do what must be meant as the definition of guffaw. Dealing with tax clerks is always infuriating. Monty Python would be proud of the way you are handling your circumstances. Hold your head up and smile!

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    1. You know you made me smile, right Harry? BIg hugs to you.

      Delete
  16. It's no better over this side of the. 'pond' either! My daughter's loss if vision meant shd had to give up her career and can only get a minimum-wage p/t job. Thus leaves her relying on her savings for paying bills. The benefits office will pay her nothing because she's actually in work (albeit being paid a pittance) & she can't claim tax credits because shd isn't working ENOUGH hours! It's a case if 'heads - they win, tails - you lose'! :-/
    Flipping beaureaucrats!

    Chin(s) up, Cathy - don't let the b@$tards grind you down!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. All my chins are up! All 15 of 'em! Your poor daughter... life does suck and sometimes it is indeed hard to look on the bright side of it.

      Wanna borrow my chin support gadget when I'm done with it?

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    2. Chin-propping gadget would be most welcome! :-)

      Delete
  17. Get a tax attorney, right away. I think it can be sorted out that way.

    I'd have suggested going to your MP, but if I'm right, you fall under the jurisdiction of that useless hobbit Clement. No help from that guy, unless you're building a gazebo that'll buy him votes.

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    1. HA! Funny...

      I honestly can't afford a tax attorney so am resigned to borrowing the money and paying it back. I did tweet Tony Clement yesterday and - credit where credit is due - he offered to try to help. On his advice I went to see his office assistant here in Bracebridge, Lorraine, and she is looking into it. Unfortunately she said that, when it comes to Revenue Canada, there's really not much anyone can do. She asked me, as I was leaving, why I didn't notify the baby bonus people. I could only say, "I don't know... because I'm stupid maybe? We're honest people. We thought we were doing the right thing. Obviously we weren't."

      The worst thing about dealing with this mess is being made to feel I'm stupid, over and over again. The truth hurts, obviously!

      Delete
  18. If it makes you feel better, my mortgage company sent me a certified letter that I have 30 days to pay them $5600. Seems that since I got married in 2011 and did not notify them within 90 days, I now have to repay the subsidy clause that was in my mortgage. (long story)

    The good news? If I really do a hell of a lot of paper work, I can have it spread over 30 years. And as soon as that's done, I'll be refinancing the entire thing. :)

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    1. Oh feck. Really? Actually it doesn't make me feel better at all. I'm sorry you're getting screwed around, too. Sometimes you have to ask yourself what the point of trying to earn a living is. I look at relatives on welfare and, yah, they don't have as much freedom as I do and they don't have a car that works in their driveway, but you know what? They have every physical need looked after and they can spend all day watching TV if that's what they want. Us? We go to work, we deal with all the stress that goes along with that, and at the end of the day, our pay cheques are shrinking as the cost of living goes up and up and up.

      Bah.

      Sorry about the rant, Juli. I hope you're able to scrounge up the money somehow. oxox

      Delete
  19. What stuck in my mind (among other things) is the fact that people can be such assholes on the phone. There is NO reason for people NOT to be pleasant. Period. When you take a job which involves answering the phone, then part of your job (for which you are being paid) is to be pleasant as possible as well as efficient whether you feel like it or not.

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  20. Oh, dear! Dealing with the government can be so taxing! Glad you are closer to having that all satisfied.

    It's winter, I cannot stay awake any longer, so it is time to hibernate. (That is the winter wont of Bears.)

    See you in the spring. By which time I hope CRA has found that it owes you money.

    Blessings and Bear hugs.

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  21. Okay, usually when I comment that I laughed out loud, I mean simply that -- something in the post made me laugh.

    'Not wanting to go into a big song and dance about bawling in the parking lot, I told her, "I have a drinking problem." '

    At this line, I freaking HOWLED.

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