Monday, November 5, 2012

My ex's girlfriend

Well here's the thing: I was trying to get a hold of my ex on Saturday night and the phone was busy for hours.

My youngest son said, "He's probably talking to his girlfriend."

As far as I know, my ex doesn't have a GF. I mean, no big deal if he does. We've been separated for seven or eight years. I'm remarried – happily, thank you very much. So if he's got a GF, well, good for him.

Still, I'm nosey. "Who's his girlfriend?" I asked Sam.

"That Moonbeam, the girl whose parents make rings and stuff," he said.

Angus interrupted with, "That's not his girlfriend. They're just friends."

Sam sneered at him. "One day she called looking for Dad and he wasn't there so I asked who was calling and she said 'his girlfriend.'"

"Oh," said I.

So here's the deal with Mizz Moonbeam. I thought for sure (I still think for sure) that she was sleeping with my husband back when we were still married; back even before the affair with another woman that ended our marriage. He denied it, of course, but I was absolutely positive that this girl, who was barely out of her teens at the time, was screwing around with my middle-aged husband.

She worked with him at the hardware store. She taught my son figure skating. I had her over for dinner. Blargh. That's the thanks you get, I guess. Here's supper, here's my kid, here's my husband....

This one time, I had to work late so I told my ex that I would go pick the kids up from daycare, take them home and wait for him to get home from work so I could go back to work – that make sense? Sorry, it's complicated, I know. Anyway, he promised he would hurry home from work so I could go back and meet my deadline.

I waited for him. And waited. And waited. Hours were passing and no sign of him. No answer at the hardware store. Frantic to get back to work, I called my mother and asked her to babysit the kids until he got there. (Thank goodness for my mother.)

I drove into town and on the way to my office I passed the hardware store. There, on the street walking towards his car, was my husband; walking away from him was Mizz Moonbeam.

Furious, I asked him where he was and he said poor wee Moonbeam was having a hard time so he took her out for drinks. Just drinks, he said. A couple days later I found a receipt from that night – he hadn't just taken her for drinks, he had taken her for dinner, to one of the nicest spots in town.

But no, he said, he wasn't having an affair.

Now, apparently, she's his girlfriend.

If you were me, how would you feel about that? I'm curious ...

35 comments:

  1. How would I feel about that?
    1. Grateful that I was no longer living with the clot.........and...............
    2. Amused that some day the same thing that happened to you will happen to her........and....
    3. Frankly, just wonderful thanks very much.

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  2. Agree! Just be glad you're no longer with him.
    I have no tolerance for people who cheat on their spouse. That's so disrespectful.

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    1. Me neither! It's just wrong on so many levels.

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  3. If it were me...I'd feel grateful I wasn't married to that d-bag anymore. ;)
    Yesterday I read something that shifted my entire life in a split second. It was, "Do not stumble on that which is behind you."
    It changed where I'm at currently in the blink of an eye, and I think it applies in well, just about every darn thing!

    xo!

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    1. Thanks, Lisa. I just read your comment AFTER I said I'd punch him. Ah, guess I need to work on not stumbling on my behind, or something like that.

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    2. We're all stumbling around but Lisa that is excellent advice... hopefully you posted it on your blog? Which I feel guilty about since I haven't been there lately.. or Judy's... *leaving, now suffused with guilt*

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  4. I would be happy to be in a better place and happy that, instead of a source of heartbreak, he has become a source of amusing dinner party anecdote. Win/Win!

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  5. I'd feel lucky to be rid of the bum, vindicated that he's a tramp and I spotted it long ago, and look forward to Moonbeam getting her turn at Heartbreak Hotel. In fact, I'd put aside a special bottle of wine or fine bit of chocolate to savor the moment, just for me. And I'd feel a lot of the betrayal and anger I thought I'd put away, all over again. Don't let it make you feel bad about yourself. x

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    Replies
    1. Yes, Austan, I think you nailed it... all of those things... and no, I don't feel bad about myself. At least not for that! (There are PLENTY of other things to feel bad about!!!!)

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  6. Honestly, I'd laugh about it. Sometimes, especially when it's the first marriage that you go into intending to be your only marriage, you put up with a whole lot of *beep*. Then, when you make that decision to stop putting up with it and strike off into your own life, you can't help wondering if ending that "never leaving until one of us dies" situation was the right thing.

    Then you find out that the reasons you had to go were still there, still existent and apparently going strong...and it validates your decision. So yeah, I'd laugh.

    Let's put it this way, I haven't remarried and not sure if I ever want to marry again, but I've been laughing my arse off at some of the "crazy relationship" issues my ex has placed himself. And then I laugh some more. Not to be mean, but because, hey, that is life.

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    Replies
    1. Plus, you laugh because it's funny. Which means you're over him totally... it wouldn't be funny if you weren't. And isn't it GREAT to know you really are????
      (I love funny. Always go for the funny.)

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  7. I would hope after 8 years I wouldn't feel anything, but we all know that's not how it works! I would be mad, like really mad. But I would try not to be. But I'd want to punch him. And her. Jerks.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, punching is so much better than stumbling... not that I advocate violence or anything, because I don't, but sometimes punching is very very good.

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  8. I admit, I'd be more than a little vexed. I was vexed just reading this story. All i can say is that you are lucky to be rid of him and with the right guy now. Moonbeam can have your ex.

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    1. "Vexed." Isn't that one of the best words in the English language?

      Yes, you're right. I am lucky. And so are you. :)

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  9. They deserve each other. Glad you kicked him to the curb!

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  10. The life journey is a mystery.....sometimes trying to make sense of the many challenges which are strewn along its path.....can leave us none the wiser and simply take up a few more precious moments of our here and nows. Being true to ourselves is perhaps the only roadmap and moral compass we need.

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  11. Hm. Pissed. Honestly, I would be pissed. Not that I would care if my ex had dated or married any of the women he cheated with, but I would be pissed that he broke the promise he made to me at the time and is now free to peruse that betrayal and flaunt it in front of me.

    So yeah, I'd be pissed.

    And then I'd think that Karma is a bitch...

    AND THEN I'd go home and remember how good I have it now that he's gone.

    Of course, this is all easy for me to say... now that mine's dead and all. :)

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  12. I would feel vindicated - for all the good that does down the track.
    I would also (meanly) hope that someday she does to him, what they did to you.
    And then I would hope that someday someone does to her what she did to you.
    And finally? I would go home and give my husband a really bit hug.

    I have read the comments from people who are wiser, stronger and nicer than I am, but I am not there yet.

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  13. It's been years. There'd be corrosive emotions, but they wouldn't be helpful, and wouldn't fix anything. At best, it'd antagonize my children. I've got my life on a better track, with a seemingly more faithful spouse. So I'd do whatever I could to let the past go - it's not like it affects me much. If it threatened my kids, then I might come down like the wrath of God.

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  14. Strange behaviour. Very strange. Very sad. Not sure how I would feel in your situation. But I wouldn't want to be in it.

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  15. Vengeance shall be had! Okay, that's how I'd feel. But seriously, maybe you already have the best vengeance. You're happy- or at least appear to be so. He's still mucking around with "girlfriends." And maybe an STD or two...

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  16. Hi, I'm River. Came here via Delores's Feathered Nest.
    My ex became the ex when I discovered his "non-existent" was pregnant.
    I wasn't too surprised to find she actually did exist, but I was surprised to find I was the only one who didn't know she was pregnant. All the kids said they thought I knew but just didn't want to talk about it.

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  17. yeah I can see me fuming and plotting revenge :)

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  18. On some level, I'd probably feel a certain amount of anger and humiliation, but I believe I'd go to the store and treat myself to my favorite bottle of wine, and drink a toast to my own great brilliance. That's right. After all, you were smart enough to dump the dastardly dude and find yourself a real man. YAY, you!

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  19. I'd probably hit him with a Dr. Seuss book and then thank my lucky stars that I'm rid of the scum. OH, wait.....

    karen

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  20. I would be pissed......mightily so
    but I wouldn't show it
    ( perhaps just a little to him ONLY)

    hey ho!

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  21. Yuck. I'm so sorry for what happened to you Cath. But I'd be thanking my lucky stars that tool is no longer your husband, and overjoyed that you met and married a wonderful man, who treats you how you deserve to be treated.

    What they do with you, they will do to you. If he didn't respect his wife, Moonbean hasn't got a prayer. It would still sting and anger me though that they are together. But honestly, those two sound like they deserve each other.

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  22. Just be grateful you're no longer with him.

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