Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Meat Bag - What's It Mean?

Never mind imagining life before the internet; can you imagine life without the Urban Dictionary?
Tonight I had a reason to look up 'meat bag' and the Urb has several helpful definitions:

Meat Bag:

A derogatory name for humans, or other biological beings used by non-biological beings (i.e. robots)
"would you stifle it meat bag?"

Meat Bag:
A slow moving, corpse-like human ('zombie'), often to be found in malls and shopping centres. Example comment: 'Are you serving?'; 'What it is is, like, y'know'
The doors are open for trade, here comes a meat bag.

Meat Bag:
a condom
Before I jumped into the sack with my hooker, I made sure I put on a meat bag.

Meat Bag:
a scrotum
I dropped my knife and almost cut off my meat bag.

Meat Bag:
boyfriend or girlfriend
I went out with my meat bag last night and saw a movie.

Unfortunately I didn't find the definition I was looking for so I had to make one up.
Meat Bag:
a grocery bag full of meat worth approximately $32 that I bought yesterday then left on the kitchen table for approximately 18 hours
My strep throat-suffering husband phoned me at work right before bowel-crunching, heart-crapping deadline as I was having a fecking meltdown because everyone's a complete feck-up except me (of course), to tell me the meat was left on the table all fecking night and all fecking day. 
"Do you think," he asked, "it'll still be any good?"


  1. BAAHAAHAA!!!!!!! Too Fecking Funny!!!!! BAAHAAHAA!

  2. Would have been fine if you'd just left in the car! You know though, I don't think people tossed out all the deer carcas they couldn't finish in one sitting prior to refrigeration. Maybe a big pot of meat bag chili!

  3. Funny, after I posted my comment I looked to the right and saw on your blog list: The Carrion Call. Maybe it's a Hotline. :)

  4. Ha ha ha...I dropped my knife and almost cut off my meat bag...Geez that is some phony excuse because gravity just don't work that way. Reminds me of the guy who comes into the ER with a gerbil up his butt and says, "Well, I was just getting out of the shower and..."

    Hope you are feeling better.

  5. Har! That David is such an optomist...

    I did the same thing a few weeks back. Digging in the deep freeze I pulled out a plastic 'meat tub' of ground beef and pork chops (you know, them large Costo beasts) and forgot to put it back. Found them maybe three days later...there was NO doubt about their freshness. Feck (nice Father Ted, BTW)

  6. Liz - I know! I know!

    Harry - Ewwwww! That's ewier than the snot column! The Carrion Call... weird coincidence or what?

    GP - One time I had a colonoscopy and I was pleasantly stoned watching my insides on the big screen and making garbled small talk with my haughty doctor. So I say to him, "What's the weirdest thing you ever found in someone's colon?" And he looks at me like I'm the weirdest thing he's ever seen, and says something lame like, "polyps." So I ask, "have you ever seen a mouse?" And he looked OFFENDED and he didn't even laugh - of course him not laughing made me laugh like a lunatic, while getting the colonoscopy, until he increased the drug dosage in my IV and I passed out.

    Alan -I'm so glad I'm not the only one wasting meat! I told my mother about this tonight and she told me the story of one time when a pig showed up in their driveway (they lived on a hobby farm). They wrangled the pig into their barn and called around to the neighbours to see who it belonged to. Turned out the pig escaped during butchering and it was returned to its owners who turned it into pork chops. (The poor pig. I think my parents should have hid it and made it a pet.) Anyway, to say thanks, the neighbours sent my folks over some prime pork cuts. They left it on the floor of the basement, next to the freezer, and found them about three days later, same as you. Just think, that poor pig gave his life just so he could rot on the basement floor. Makes you think, don't it?

  7. That's a man right there.

    "Is it good? Will it make me sick? Will it kill me? How long will I be dead for if I eat this?"

  8. I remember those poor pigs! I can still see them coming up the curve of the driveway! There was of them. Just like Porky and Petunia! I remember Don making a ham sandwich one day at Mom's and Mom happened to see the sandwich just seconds before Don took a bite. She instantly snatched it right out of his mouth because she saw the ham had turned green! He just couldn't understand why she'd do something like that! There, thats my rotten meat story. What the Feck! lmao

  9. John - and in spite of that, men eat it anyways.

    Liz - Don's green meat is a perfect example of what I was telling John! Oh, I didn't realize there were TWO pigs. Poor, poor pigs..

    Michael - (BRB.. off to check the Urb for 'chollo' because white Canadian girls are sadly lacking in the chollo dep't.)

  10. Ha! I don't know what we did before the entertainment of totally rocks! I'll share with you my favorite (I hope you don't mind): I often use the expression, "WTF?" Then I found an alternate version on Urban of "WTAF?", which evidently stands for, What the Actual F&*#? and is described as: An expression of surprise or confusion used when WTF? is insufficient to convey the magnitude of the situation. The increasingly flippant use and associated devaluation of the query "WTF" has necessitated the creation a more heart-felt derivative.
    "What the actual f*&# are you doing?"

    "Have you seen Russell's beard yet?"
    "Yeah... what the actual f*&#?"

    See...I'd still try to COOK THAT MEAT. (Wow. That sounded kinda dirty) And it would not taste good, either.
    Okay, I'm done.


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