B is for Bear

Bear said, "The Dancing Queen is advancing towards venerability. She is not fat; she is substantial." And I pause, as I am reading yesterday's comments, to read this again. It sinks in, this comment from a wise and loving Bear, past the muck of depression that has been settling on my shoulders and carving cement slippers for my charmless feet.

Depression silences me. I feel I have nothing to offer, nothing that is not angry or sad or pathetic. I miss my husband, who has crossed the country to improve our lot in life, and yes, it's a good thing, and yes, I'll be joining him in a couple of months, but I still hunger for his arms wrapped around me on a day when I am friendless and wounded and bloody hopeless. We're always kicked when we're down, have you noticed? It's when you're already fragile and broken that your teeth are smashed by a passing steel-toed boot.

But then I read Bear's comment and I imagined a venerable Dancing Queen in a stately ball gown, not shimmying or sweating, but floating majestically across the hallowed hardwood floors of a substantial life and I realized, that's who I am. The girl is gone, and who cares, but this substantial woman, this venerable woman, will carry on with the grace, knowledge and dignity earned from a lifetime spun on a thousand dance floors.              

See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the Dancing Queen.

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I'm taking part in the A to Z Blogging Challenge for the month of April. For more information, click here.