I did something to my groin.
No, not THAT. Something to the space where your leg meets your abdomen. Well, actually, my leg and my abdomen. Sorry, didn't mean to imply anything about your groin.
What happened, was, I had climbed off my exercise bike and tried to get on the bed, as all athletes do after exerting themselves ... work out next to the bed and then flop on it to catch their breath so they don't fall over and croak.
My groin had been bugging me for about a week, but nothing to write home (or a blog) about. It was just sore, like I pulled a muscle or something. A small muscle. Like, one strand of muscle, the thin type. Nothing any cannibal would want to barbecue.
But when I got off the bike, sat down on the bed, then went to lift my legs to lie down, I screamed bloody murder! It felt like someone stuck a knife in my groin. Not that I know precisely what that feels like, but I can imagine that if I was knifed in the groin, it might hurt like that.
Dave came running upstairs to see what I'd done this time. (That man is in such good shape from running up and down the stairs all the time to look after me - and HE is the one who should be looked after. Two weeks ago he had carpal tunnel surgery and he's at home to recuperate and eat bon-bons, but he's too busy mopping the bathroom floor and traversing the stairs for bon-bon eating.)
I told him what had happened, so he lifted my legs up onto the bed, then spread my knees so he could have a look. The resulting pain was agonizing.
"JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH DON'T SPREAD MY LEGS!"
"I have to look," he said. "Here, let me turn on the light."
Why is it men always need the light on in the bedroom?
"Don't worry," he said, placing his hand on my knees, and gently pulling them apart, "I'll be gentle."
"NOooooooooo," I hollered. "That HURTS."
He sat back on the bed. "I don't know what you want me to do."
"I want you to put Dr. Ho there."
"Between your legs?"
"Yes," I replied, losing patience. "But use some of that lubricating gel first, it makes Dr. Ho work better."
This all happened yesterday. I am pleased to announce that Dr. Ho knows his stuff and things have relaxed under his stimulation. I also took a few anti-inflammatories, and stuffed a bag of ice down my pants. Things are still a little sore, but the sharp pain from yesterday has eased.
I do have a small lump in my groin, so I'm not sure if it's a pulled muscle, or a hernia, or just a fat lump. Has this happened to anyone else? Should I see about it, or just wait? Time heals all things, or so I've heard, but I also have to give some credit to my threesome with Dave and Dr. Ho. Such masculine hotties they both are ...