I had a sudden urge to slap that silly chipper sideways.
I am such an idiot. I really, really thought I was going to lose five. So instead of being thrilled that I lost three pounds in one week I was grumpy. It's a wonder Dave doesn't kick me straight in my wide white arse. Instead, he sent me to bed like an overtired child who doesn't know they're overtired.
This morning I am back to my normal self – whatever that means.
***
And in the category of people say the darndest things ....
Last night I sat beside this cute little old lady at the Weight Watchers meeting. She was new and confused about how the program works. I explained a few things, suggested she talk to the leader (Diane) and gave her my best "be positive - you can do it" speech.
My Weight Watchers key chain had broke (you get it for losing 10% of your body weight) so at the end of the meeting I asked Diane for a new one – apparently they're insured for life so if you break one, they'll replace it! Awesome! So as I was replacing my charms on the key ring, the little old lady beside me asked what they were for.
"This one is for attending 16 meetings," I said.
"That's nice," she replied.
"This one is for losing 25 pounds."
She nodded, smiling.
"And this one is for losing 50 pounds."
She got a funny expression on her face. I waited for her to say, "Wow! That is fabulous! Congratulations!"
Instead she said, "So you were quite large, then."
Bitch.
***
I was stalking other bloggers this morning and came across a 49-year-old named Librarygirl in Melbourne, Australia, who says she is fixated on seeing what other 49-year-olds look like and so posted a scintillating array of photos featuring celebrities when they were her age.
Suddenly I had to find out what other people my age – born in 1960 – look like:
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| Sean Penn. Does he get better looking as he gets older, or what? Wait, I'm gonna make him bigger. Just because he makes me all swooney. |
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| Tildan Swinton. I know, you're having trouble placing her. She won an Oscar for Best Actress in 2008 for her role in Michael Clayton. |
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| Jennifer Grey. Remember Dirty Dancing? Yah, she had the Time of her Life then. She looks great though. Real. Like, if she lived on your street she'd be the hottest thing in the neighbourhood, right? |
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| Bono. |
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| Julianne Moore. I just saw her on Anderson Cooper's show and I was smitten with her. Her favourite animal is the BEAVER, which is one of MY favourite animals. And we're the same AGE. So really, we're like total sameys. See the resemblance? I'm making her bigger, too, because we're so much the same. |
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| Kristin Scott-Thomas and some guy. She's most famous for her role in The English Patient. My reading glasses from the grocery store look just like Kristin's. I'm sure that's where she got hers. |
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| Stanley Tucci. This guy is great in everything. One of my favourites is Big Night, in which he plays a co-owner of a failing restaurant trying hard to save the business. They make timpano, one of the most incredible and complicated Italian foods ever. I made it once. It was DELISH. |
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| Daryl Hannah, having a bad day. I'll always think of Daryl as the mermaid in Splash. |
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| Kenneth Branagh. Saw him a short time ago in My Week With Marilyn. He was, as usual, amazing. |
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| Meg Tilly. She was the best thing about The Big Chill. And doesn't she look cute? She reminds me of my cousin Kelly in this photo. |
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| Valerie Bertinelli. How can she possibly lose all that weight and still have boobs? They're the first things to go! As soon as your body hears the word 'diet,' it's boob-overboard! |
