Friday, January 21, 2011

Litter Box Woes

Yes, yes, YES, I am going to talk about more bodily functions!
It's been a long week, LONG, and I'm tired. You can tell how tired I am by how crappy my flash was yesterday. It was the worst flash I ever wrote. No, no, don't humour me. I'm just stating a fact. I usually like my flash. Usually am prouder of it than a new momma, but facts is facts, and that flash stunk just like the cat crap all over the house.
I come home tonight, late because of insane work, hoping to get a shoulder rub because everything there is squeezed up tighter than new shoes, and Dave is on the floor.
"What," I say, "are you doing on the floor?"
"Cleaning up cat shit!" says Dave, who doesn't really like cats at the best of times.
Feck, I say to myself. What now.
The cat has diarrhea and has puking all over the house. WTF?? Last night we came home and there was one small incident - tonight it's just disgusting. Dave has cleaned up the house but the cat is still covered. He's waiting for me for that little job. I sigh. I put down my purse and grab the cat. Dave's right. He stinks.
Ever tried bathing a cat?
You might as well bath the Tasmanian Devil. I can barely hold onto him. He bites me. Dave roars because I'm seemingly unable to hold onto the cat. So he holds the cat, harshly, I think, and I am left cleaning the cat's butt. Feck-ity-feck, feck.
"Are you getting it all off?" Dave roars.
"I'm trying!" I roar back.
The cat squeals like a girl.
When the job's done, Dave is all back to normal and I'm pissed off. I don't get over being mad as fast as he does. I just got home, fer crissakes. I just got mad. Gimme a second to not be mad anymore.
I'm mad at someone at work, too. (No, not you L! You always think it's you!) It's someone I don't work with directly, someone I used to really admire, someone I used to get along with really well, and now he's an arrogant arsehole (yes, Mr. Stink Eye) and I'm, like, "what did I EVER see in you???"
Grrrrrr....  Yes, I'm pissy because of the cat.
So, what's wrong with the cat? Anybody got any ideas?
I think he's afraid of his new litter box. Dave brought home one of those covered jobbies and instead of introducing it gradually to our skittish kitty, I grabbed him and stuck him in it head-first. The cat ran away and hid. We also took away both of the older litter boxes.
When I realized I had probably scared the cat, I took the lid off, thinking he would use it like the old ones and get used to it... then we'd put the lid on later. That was a few days ago. I suspect what is going on is the cat has been "holding it" because he's afraid of the new box. Tonight we brought back an old faithful – hopefully he'll see it and everything will return to normal.
Do you think that's it? I mean, I haven't changed his food or anything. He's an indoor cat so it's unlikely he's caught a disease.
I dunno. What do you think?

Oh man, I wrote some of this in the car. Not while driving.. sheesh.. I'm not THAT talented. Now I'm all car sick and pukified.


  1. Har! Cute picture. SOunds like you folks need to be talking to the 'cat whisperer'.

    We can relate coz Jet took a pudding dump on the carpet of the guest room this week. You know it's bad when you need a bottle of spray cleaner, a plastic serving spoon and a Shopvac to clean things up. *pours two stiff for Cathy and one for himself*

  2. Pudding dump...*giggles* Sorry your cat has fecal incontinence Cathy. Here's what I've learned about cats - the older they get the more crotchety they become-just like people. They hate change and the way they express that hatred is by showing you exactly what they think of it. We used to have two that decided they would rather use the wall than the litter box. We couldn't break the habit and they ended up going to a different home. On a different note - guinea pigs are easy and compliant pets.

    P.S. - The flash was funny. I'll give you maybe not classic literature but funny.

  3. Most cats don't like the covered boxes...I suspect your cat will be reminding you of your faux pas for a while. You made his insides rattled and nervous.
    *tops off the drink that Alan gave you*

  4. Most likely FOS - full of shit. But ya never know. Ours have decided the wood pile is a much better place to go than their clean litter box. I see two felines heading to the barn quite promptly. Good luck. Favorite line-feckity feck feck! Too funny!

  5. You just reminded me why I don't have a cat. Oh, and a job too with a Stink Eye co-worker.

  6. I'm sure the cat didn't feel too great about it either. Poor thing. I did once try to give a cat a flea bath. Won't do that again. Funny picture and don't under estimate yourself. Your #fridayflash wasn't crappy! This is, but it's also the funniest cat with the Hershey squirts story I've read all year! :)

  7. Alan - HAR yourself! A pudding dump? A plastic spoon ? har har har har har har.. hang on, still harring... har, har har!

    Gen - Did they go to live "on a farm?????" (I'll take funny.. tx)

    Laura - NOW you tell me! Why didn't you tell me BEFORE we spent $ on the covered boxes?????

    Liz - I think I transferred the 'e' for a 'u' in the heat of battle!

    Deb - I envy you SO much.

    Harry - "funniest cat with the Hershey squirts story" .. I bet ol Wiswell hasn't got THAT award yet!!!!

  8. Can't help you with the diagnosis, don't have a cat. But listen, I find your writing engaging no matter the subject. I hope you didn't mind my comment about the body fluids on your Pink Sari flash. That was just me trying to be funny, not my strong suit.

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