It looked like a yellow Rorschach test, equally Chicken Yellow on both sides of the Kleenex, tinged a little around the edges with minute bits of blood.
"LOOK AT THIS," I say to Dave, plunging the Kleenex in front of his face before he realizes what I'm doing.
He shudders and pushes my hands away. "Fer crissakes," he says. "I didn't need to see that."
"But LOOK," I say. "It's CHICKEN YELLOW."
I have a friend (but I don't want to mention her name and embarrass her - Leah) who wanted to be platinum blonde and when she rinsed out the do-it-yourself goo her hair was chicken yellow. Heh-heh.
"It does look like Leah's hair," says Dave admiringly.
"But what does it MEAN?" I ask. "Am I going to DIE?"
"From Chicken Yellow snot? I don't think so."
He was no help whatsoever so I Googled mucous colours, except Google corrected me because mucus is the American spelling - what's with that, boys and girls? Is it too time-consuming to add the u?
What I discovered is different snot colours mean different things.
Clear mucous is normal unless there is vast amounts of it – then it's a sign of post nasal drip. That's when it dribbles down your throat.
White mucous happens when someone with a runny nose (with clear mucous) drinks milk. The milk apparently flavours the snot with a nice white tinge. Also, when you throw up, mucous is white.
Brown mucous is found commonly in smokers and in people whose sinuses are engorged or inflamed. In the former, the brown is tobacco tinged. In the latter, it's dried blood.
Yellow mucous, better known as Chicken Yellow mucous, means you have a infection and your body is trying to fight it off.
Green mucous is a definite sign that you have a sinus infection and you should go to the doctor and get some good drugs to fight it off.
This has been a public service for all those who have ever questioned the colour of their snot.
For more information, drink plenty of fluids and call a Google in the morning.