Monday, March 5, 2012

Cookies and Baggy Pants


These are not pajamas. They are Baggy Pants. (And that is my cat and my dog and my pudgy toes on our crappy floor and our disintegrating carpet. Who lives a lifestyle of the rich and famous?)

My friend Pamela Steel (who lives up the road from me and, as well as being my Euchre Nemesis, is the author of TWELVE books and I am not jealous ONE BIT) gave me these pants and told me I could wear them all the time except when I have a meeting at Head Office during which time I should probably wear pantyhose and sensible heels and not forget my deodorant. Other than that, Baggy Pants are what she says we should all wear, all the time.

See? I saw people wearing this stuff around and I just thought, pajamas! Pffft. I know from nothing, obviously. They are the new fashion craze and can be seen in all the fanciest places, except, apparently, Head Office. And maybe at Buckingham Palace, although there are rumours that Prince Harry likes to romp around his grandmother's apartment wearing the Disco Monkey with Plaid pattern.



So I shall wear them to work tomorrow, even though they are rather tight across my arse and this is the opposite of what Baggy Pants are supposed to be, which is baggy in the arse, not so tight that the seams are about ready to burst with flesh, but it's not the fault of Baggy Pants, it's the fault of my flabby fingers which keep stuffing food in my great big greedy gob.

I have to stop EATING. If dieting well is the result of a light switch in my head turned to the ON position then I have every reason to believe that the switch has been turned to OFF. You may think that turning the light switch back ON is an easy thing to do but this is not true in my case. I am, in fact, challenged when it comes to light switches. I have lived in this house for two and a half years and still go through a bloody big rigamarole every night trying to turn off the lights in our house. There are two switches in a row, you see. One turns the living room lights on and off. The other turns the back room on and off. I am forever turning on the living room when I want the back room and vicey versa.

"Having trouble?" Dave says, drolly, from the bedroom where he is reading a Louis L'Amour book on his Kindle while I flick the light switches on and off.

On. Off. On. On. Off. Off. ON. OFF. FECK.

You should see what I go through with the cruise control on the Jeep. One control arm that does five different things. I am about ready to divorce Dave or at least punch him straight in the nose if he makes one more crack about the cruise control. I will. If I can figure out how.

So I'm at home sick today. Blargh. I swear, I'm going in tomorrow if it kills me. God knows, I've been away so long they've probably given my job to someone else. To keep myself occupied I have made cookies. These are healthy cookies, from Weight Watchers. I made some the other day to give to Pamela and I don't think I gave her food poisoning so I made more today. I swear to God, when I made them before they were only one point per cookie. Today they are two points. Same cookie, twice the points. What gives, Jennifer Hudson? You're not making a believer outta me today!

Usually I don't make cookies when I'm dieting because, even though one cookie only has one two points, I can't stop at one. I have to eat at least eight. Maybe nine if they're little. And these are little baby cookies, cute as can be, all stuffed with oatmeal and extra stuff I throw in like natural bran and wheat germ because I am a Health Nut now, or at least I'm trying to be. If I can only find that fecking light switch and turn it on ...



For those who need to make these Health Nut cookies, which have no nuts, here's the recipe:

Health Nut Oatmeal Raisin Bites

1 1/2 cups uncooked rolled oats
3/4 cup whole grain wheat flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
2 tbsp natural bran
2 tbsp wheat germ
1/2 cup margarine or butter (I use Becel because I am a Health Nut but Dave uses whatever is on sale)
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 large egg
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup raisins, the good kind, not the kind with the crunchy bits

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a medium bowl combine oats, flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, bran and wheat germ; set aside. Cream margarine and both sugars until incorporated. Add egg and vanilla; mix thoroughly. Add oat mixture and mix until just combined; fold in raisins.

Drop rounded teaspoons of batter onto two ungreased cookie sheets lined with parchment paper, about one inch apart. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes for chewy cookies and up to 14 for crispy ones. Remove from oven and LET THEM COOL. Don't be an ass and burn your mouth on a raisin like I did, OK?

***

By the way, I had a really nice time at the wake for Mrs. Champion. Lovely is the only word I can use to describe it. That family is so incredibly nice that I just want to hug them all. Also it was nice seeing my old neighbours, including Leanne Baird, who used to fight with my little brother in the ditches and is now a talented artist, and her firecracker of a dad who is NINETY YEARS OLD and is still a card and cute as a bug. I see where Leanne gets her sense of humour. What a sweetie.

Mark Champion, you get your arse up here and spend some time with us, you hear? I miss you.

41 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear the diet's not going well....you were really on a roll there for a while. You'll get back to it...

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    1. I just need to figure out that light switch, Delores.... feckitty feck...

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  2. The cookies look wonderful! I didn't know you were into culinary skills, Cathy? I must put you in touch with my coz in NH - she does cooking stuff on TV. I'm still trying to lose all the weight I put on when I visited a while back! But I think I will have to try out your recipe - they have oats and raisins so they must be 'healthy'! ;-)

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  3. Oh Sue, one look at me and you can tell I'm into the "culinary skills!" Who is your cousin in NH??? You must spill!

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    1. Here she is in action: http://youtu.be/5jAMajm-Vs0 (actually, she's married to my coz - but we get on so well I think of her as 'real' family!)

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    2. She sounds wonderful (and so does her Irish Soda Bread) and I love her accent. Lucky you being related to a chef... hopefully you guys get together so she can cook for you! I checked out her website, by the way... some tasty looking recipes there: http://www.royaltemptations.com

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  4. Fortunately I can't get to your cookies, but am looking forward to hearing about the baggy pants tomorrow.

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    1. Good thing.. keep the mitts off ma cookies, Mizz Joanne.

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  5. Say it ain't so! Don't wear those pants to work tomorrow. Everyone will think you're a gal from Gravenhurst!

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    1. Oh, it ain't so, Deb. Because I am just a Gal from Gravenhurst wanna-be.

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  6. Sorry you're sick! And those pants were really popular a little over twenty years ago. Everything that is old is new again.

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    1. Alex, were you alive 20 years ago? I thought you were 12?

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  7. My XXL Baggy Pants are skin tight. I think she sized them wrong!

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    1. And you're so skinny! I think you're right. It's not my arse, it's the sizing.

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  8. Last year's liberating moment for me was going to McDonald's at 6 AM wearing my fleecy PJ pants - blue, with snowflakes. At the beach. In July. I was convinced that everyone would point, stare, maybe even make rude comments to my face. No one blinked an eye. Surprise! The world isn't staring at me after all! :-)

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    1. Li, I hate to break it to ya, but everyone was probably still asleep at 6 a.m.!!!!

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  9. Where did you find the pic of the clothes line? Awesome.

    I think we should have a baggy pants day blogfest, take photos of the pants only, post them, and write about them.

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    1. Oooh, that's a great idea, Susan! The clothesline pic is from their website. Click on it and it will take you there!

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  10. I'm confused now. So you mean people have really been wearing baggy pants and not pajamas? Or are you making fun of people wearing their pajamas? Because I wear my pajamas a lot. Just haven't worn them to church yet, but then I don't go to church.
    I hope you feel better soon.

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    1. See, I don't know, Rubye. I mean, I always assumed they were pajamas... and maybe they were... or maybe they weren't... oh gawd, now I have a headache....

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  11. Hey! Thanks for the recipe! I just started WW and I've gained two pounds. I need to find my inner light switch too because my 20 year high school reunion is in August and I refuse to roll into it! I need some baggy pants too...:)

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    1. Hey! You're welcome! Good luck with the reunion - YOU CAN DO IT! (And if you can't, click on the link and order some Baggy Pants!!!... Nah, seriously, you can do it!)

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  12. If you don't make them, you can't eat them. ;D

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    1. Austan, when you're right you are totally right!!!! I'll just eat those up right now and promise not to make any more!!!

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  13. love the baggy daks and the cookies. I have a recipe called Honey Oat Bars which looks a bit the same, except has only half the ingredients, lol! Neither look like they're Weight Watchers kosher tucker.

    BTW, just got your post all pretty for the A-Z but it's missing the vital part - a childhood/baby pic of yours truly and/or some other pics. I sourced a Mustang convertible myself, woo hoo!

    Denise

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    1. I will fetch you a photo tonight! I swear! (I have a Sebring convertible in the garage - does that count?)

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  14. My Mommeh is wondering if she can get away with wearing Pajama Jeans to work...

    ps: I hope you feel better soon!

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    1. Daisy, I think someone should make Baggy Pants in your size. Wouldn't that be adorable?

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  15. Baggy Pants, a wonderful idea from a lovely lady. Sue Stevens of Port Sydney is the creator and chief bottle washer at Baggy Pants.

    You can find them at her website, but I see her at local Farmer's Markets in the summer and of course the Muskoka Arts Summer Show & Sale at Annie Williams Park. The last time I saw Sue and her Baggy Pants was at the Toronto One of A Kind Show. BTW, she has more than pants. Busy girl that Sue.

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  16. I fell off the diet wagon too. I blamed it on the February blahs, but now it's March. What am I supposed to blame it on now? I'm blaming it on your light switch, that's what.

    I hope you feel better. Those cookies sound like they'll give you a good dose of something heathy.

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    1. You could blame it on that big snowstorm you guys had last night... saw your hometown on the news... holy moly, that was some wind! Hope you're doing ok.

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  17. Baggy Pants are acceptable... oh, I have dreamt of this day. And I love oats and raisins. Yum!

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    1. Dream no longer, CarrieBoo! It's a whole new Baggy Pants reality we live in now!

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  18. Who cares if those cookies are good for you--they just look plain old good! Onward, baggy pants brigade. We shall inherit the earth, and may it be full of cookies as good as these look.

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    1. LOL!!!! I am loving that battle cry Susan!

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  19. feel better! and i hate the points plus program--sure, you get to eat a couple extra points, but the point value of everything went up! like my red wine -- 4 points up from 2! more than white wine! what gives? i myself am at a plateau, but just came back from a dinner out where i fed my soul. thanks for the cookie recipe, i'll whip up a batch tomorrow ;^) peace...

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    1. Hope you're feeling better too, Linda. Happy cookie baking!!!

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  20. I dig your technicolor clothesline! And I'm rocking pajama pants today, so I am entirely on your side, lady.

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  21. Nobody really eats one cookie no matter how many points. 2 points, really? How many points in a bag of pecan sandies? If they give points, isn't scoring high good?

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  22. we could be twins... I have toes just like yours!

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