Sunday, August 29, 2010

Advice from Ant

I Do Countdown: 27 Days

It had been a while since Anthony Venutolo and me had snagged coffee and pie. We met at the Skyway Diner around the corner because there's a saucy waitress who gives us a break at bill time and never listens too closely to the conversation. I believe she's a bit sweet on the Jersey boy but isn't everybody. It's that smouldering doe-eyed look of his, and his smooth way around the words. Like good scotch on clear ice, that's Anthony.

Not that I'm immune to his Soprano charms, but I got my own guy, a stand-up guy, and we're gettin' married on September 25. It's a small wedding, as most weddings go, but there's still a fair bit of stress involved. I think that's why I wanted to chill a bit, sit down with Ant over some peach pie and a cup of diner coffee and get his advice on getting hitched.

Anthony hasn't been married all that long. He's only a coupla years shy of being a newlywed, something the blushy waitress either doesn't know or doesn't care about. They share a life and a passion for each other and a child and I get the impression that Ant pretty much has it all, waitress bedamned.

I'm telling Ant about my brainiac idea to burn a disc of romantic music for each of our wedding guests (what was I thinking????); about me making my beloved look like a skunk when I attempted to give him a few streaks; about how I can't stop eating and I'm worried that my dress isn't going to fit and Anthony interrupts and says, "forget about it. Go to Vegas."

He then gives me five reasons why I should do just that:

1. Um .... it's frikkin' Vegas!!! It's the kind of thing everyone secretly wants to do deep down but may not have the cajones to pull off. Eff it. Do it. You'll never forget it. Where else can Elvis marry and sing to you??

2. Pick a great chapel and then brag about who else got hitched there. In my case ... some dude named SINATRA ... Oh yeah and Paul Newman, Judy Garland, Mickey Rooney, Michael Jordan, Britney Spears, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.

3. You could take HALF of that wedding loot... HALF ... and live it up like you've never lived it up before. Take a few special friends or family and foot some of the bill if you can. For example, on my wedding night, we all sprang for tickets to see LOVE, the Cirque Beatle show at the Mirage. Beforehand, we ate at Emeril's steakhouse at The Venetian in the glass room off the kitchen. There were no no menus. Chef just came in and said, "whaddya want..." Plus they paired it with wine flights... Expensive, but worth it.

4. Let's just say it's the perfect town for a bachelor or bachelorette party. 'Nuff said on that one...

5. You could live it up like a Saudi prince. With the economy in the crapper, rooms are dirt cheap. DIRT CHEAP. Plus I can teach you to $20 trick to get an upgrade. Let's just say, it's NEVER failed. I've always been upgraded. Some of the nicest rooms I've ever stayed at in my life were in Sin City Hotels.

If you've never read about Anthony's wedding, you must, must go to his blog, Bukowski's Basement, and give it a read. Only Anthony would get married on the same day as 15 zilllion other people and then have his photo show up in newspapers all over the free world.

Doesn't Anthony Venutolo look remarkably like Elvis?
And doesn't he look great in red?
Y'know, not everybody can pull off fringe...

Thanks for the advice, Ant. I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna take it, not with a church booked and plans made. But you were darned persuasive. I actually thought about it for a while. Maybe it was your Joisey boy good looks. Or maybe it was that Elvis dude in the red fringes. Or maybe it was the peach pie.

Two guesses what Anthony's wedding song was, and the first guess doesn't count.


  1. one who was also married in the big V I can say with authority it is the only way to go..

  2. Ant makes a persuasive case for a wedding in Sin City. Sadly, I'm already hitched. And my wife hates Elvis. I'll make it there one day to take in a few shows. I'll just have to take my banker to the Skyline for a slice of pie and a cup of Joe and we can talk money.

    Another good wedding tale,, 27 days...tick,tick,tick...

  3. Well Michael, I am seriously waiting for your Vegas story and/or advice. You know, when you have the time. When you're not writing books and running contests and speaking at big public forums or cranking out newspaper stories... you know, when you can.
    And Alan, would love to meet you for coffee at our local diner. The pie is merely OK but they have the BEST burger platter with homemade fries and... hang on, must wipe drool.. Ok. Better. (No wonder dress is getting tighter and tighter...stress eating, I think they call it. I should take up smoking again... yeah, I'd be dead faster but at least I'd be skinny and dead...)

  4. I could picture you and Ant in that diner...
    Vegas is the only way to go, girl. But, like you said, time's ticking. I could send Jeeves over to serve you one biteful at a time so you can't stress-eat.

  5. That's a very good idea, Laura; however, I fear that Jeeves might end up with me the way he wound up with Death - anyone who knows me knows I turn evil when not fed.

  6. Damn... that was some good java... Thanks, Cathy!

  7. Welcome, Ant. Next time you buy though, k?

  8. We considered going to vegas but let our families convince us to have a wedding and not just one, but TWO wedding receptions in different cities - one before and one after the honeymoon. What were we thinking? At the end we were so drained we WISHED we had gone to vegas, for sure!

  9. Hopefully, PJ, the families that convinced you to have TWO receptions also footed the bills! Holy doodles - that sounds like a Royal wedding to me. (Hmmmm... PJ always wears dark glasses -- could it be? Princess PJ? Has a ring to it.. a gold ring.. hmmmmm)

  10. I'll keep this in mind for the next time I get married. Sounds like the way to go.

    Cathy, 26 days left. Squeeeeeee!

  11. Cathy, you always put a smile on my face. I hope you are planning on streaming that wedding online so we can all be there ;-)

  12. Laurita - SQUEEEEEEEEEE!
    And did I mention, SQUEEEEEEEE!
    Tomara - well I was going to livestream it but it is getting coverage from all the major networks plus all those women's channels so I didn't want to mess with the contracts, ya know? (So glad you could smile)
    Ant - I meant to ask you, what is that $25 trick? Vegas or not, I've got some hotels in my future.

  13. With twenty-some-odd days left till the wedding, what was Ant thinking? Did he seriously expect you to consider changing....everything?? Such. A. Guy.

    Congrats on your upcoming exciting! Wishing you a long and joyful life together!


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