Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Laura Eno's In the House!

Laura Eno's new book 'Prophecy Moon.'
A full, rising harvest moon.
No, the actual moon, not my arse.
I kissed Laura Eno's butt.
She decided I did it better than anyone, even Sam the Future Nostalgic who tried hard, I'll give him that, and Jon Strother, who had the good sense to cry Uncle when faced with defeat. Those guys are just amateurs when it comes to butt-kissing.
Today I went to the post office because I had a package (is there a sweeter sentence in the English language than 'I have a package?' That's why guys say it all the time.)
I even had to show I.D. to pick it up. The lady said, "I know your face but I need to match it up with some I.D." She was so full of bologna. I had never seen her before in my life and while I may be a cause celebre in blog circles, I am pretty much nobody in my real life. Oh. You mean I'm a nobody in blog circles, too? Really? Oh, that was just mean. Well I may be a nobody to you, mister,  but at least I'm consistent.
I pick up the package and it's Laura's new book, Prophecy Moon. I say "squee" because that's a Laura term and I thought it deserved a little airplay in Bracebridge. A package, not only from Laura, but from FLORIDA. I'd never gotten anything in the mail from Florida before. The box had a tan, for crissakes. A real tan. And there was some beach sand stuck to the mailing label.
So there's Laura's book, in Bracebridge which, as all of us Bracebridgeonians know is in the middle of stinkin' nowhere, a zillion miles away from its creator, the Great Laura Eno. It got in a box and rode a truck or an airplane or hitchhiked or something, all the say to HERE.
Will modern miracles never cease.
But wait, it gets weirder.
On the way home from the post office tonight, me and Dave saw a full, gold, goshdarned gorgeous harvest MOON rising in the sky. A MOON. And what's Laura's book called? Prophecy MOON. I made Dave go and get the camera to get a picture of me with the moon book and the moon background. Then he took one of me mooning with the moon book and the moon background but I can't show it to you because the neighbours will see it and get jealous. Them, and the lying lady at the post office who, the next time I go there will say, "I know an ass when I see one."
If you're not as much of a butt-kisser as me, and who is, really, you'll have to go to Laura's blog to actually buy one.  She lives at A Shift in Dimensions although the box really did say Florida. Maybe she lives in Dimensions, Florida. And I didn't know you could live in a shift. I knew you could wear one, but not live in one.
And if you're homeless in Shift, does that mean you're Shiftless?


  1. Ohmygawd, you are hilarious, Cathy. I don't care what that post office lady says about you.
    Yes, you can live in Dimensions, though only one at a time. As you Shift through them though, if you become lost, then you're Shiftless.
    You are the most awesomeness butt-kisser I've ever had the pleasure to know and I hope you enjoy the book.

  2. Congrats on the butt-kissage getting you a free book, Cathy! I have to agree that butt-kissing is totally worth it for a book. I bought this on Smashwords and am about a quarter of the way through it. It's excellent, so you should enjoy it!

  3. Cathy I can only bow before your greatness. I can only dream of being the ass-kisser you are. Alas that is a dream I fear will never come true.
    Congrats on winning and getting the book so fast. Isn't this a marvelous age to live in.
    Good thing you didn't post the other picture all the jealous people out here in blog land would have reported you for abuse of your power over them.

  4. Hey congrats on winning the book, your royal butt-kissing highness! I hope that you can tutor me on that when visiting here on The Rock in about 35 days...tick, tick, tick.

  5. Oh, Cathy I absolutely love your picture. And what a moon, eh? I'm very fond of looking at night skies. Thank you for making this early morning such a laugh out loud one for me with this wonderful post.

    Congrats on the book!

  6. You crack me up. Oh, yeah, er, not that crack.

  7. I'm jealous you get to read it first. I'll have to buy my own copy. Congratulations!

    When do we get to read a Cathy Olliffe memoir because I swear your everyday life is more entertaining than fiction. :)

  8. As we lovingly say in Texas, you're a hoot. Also, very funny. You totally deserve the book. Never have I read such butt-kissing.

  9. The box having a tan made me crack a smile. Congratulations on your butt kissing victory, Cathy.

  10. Everyone needs a friend like you, Cathy. My order is coming in the mail too!
    Gorgeous moon in the background, BTW.

  11. amazing what butt kissing will get ya! You may have found your true calling..

  12. All I can say is, you're a pro, Cathy. If I'm ever up against you in another writing contest I'll be scared shiftless.

  13. Fantastic post! I laughed in many moments, but I must say that your homeless shiftless hypothetical situation is priceless. :D

  14. Actually, I think guys say, "I have a big package," all the time, but I won't get too technical on you. Congrats on the book and the opportunity to taste Laura sans sand.

  15. Cathy is a riot! Thanks for all the comments, everyone!

  16. "Scared shiftless." Buahahahahah! OK, Jon, I may have won the butt-kissing award but you're definitely up for Best Pun.
    Thanks for coming by, everyone, and thanks again, Laura, for the book. i'll do a full school-style book report when I'm done reading.


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