Sung happily to the tune of the Sugarplum Fairies: "I'm having a mammogram today!"
This is all part of the Cathy-turned-50-self-renovation-plan. A couple weeks ago I went to the dentist, then I had a colonoscopy (not at the dentist), today it's a mammogram and in a couple weeks it's the dreaded annual physical with bonus Pap smear.
Yesterday I went to the eye doctor and while I knew my eyes weren't as good as I thought they should be I never dreamed I'd have the beginnings of cataracts in both eyes. Cataracts! I'm officially old. Buy me a white cane, a motorized scooter, some blue hair dye and a handicapped parking spot. Book me a spot at the home, Mabel, I'm coming in!
I asked my friend Vic, who has had one of these boob-squishing appointments, what I should expect. She had this advice:
"When you go home tonight, open the fridge and stick your boobs inside. Then slam the fridge door on them a few times and you'll have the general idea."
Whenever I hear the word mammogram I think of the Saturday Night Live land shark skit. You know, with the shark saying "telegram" and then "candygram." I'm thinking if he had of said "mammogram," there's no way Gilda Radner and Laraine Newman would have answered the door.UPDATE:
I had my mammogram this morning and it was FINE! Honestly, it didn't hurt at all and I absolutely don't want to discourage anybody from getting this all-important test. The women at the Ontario Breast Screening Clinic at the Bracebridge Hospital couldn't have been nicer or more gentle. Or funny! I told them my fridge story and they had a big giggle.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Get a mammogram.
It really could save your life.