Friday, April 15, 2011

M is for Mammogram

Sung happily to the tune of the Sugarplum Fairies: "I'm having a mammogram today!"
This is all part of the Cathy-turned-50-self-renovation-plan. A couple weeks ago I went to the dentist, then I had a colonoscopy (not at the dentist), today it's a mammogram and in a couple weeks it's the dreaded annual physical with bonus Pap smear. 
Yesterday I went to the eye doctor and while I knew my eyes weren't as good as I thought they should be I never dreamed I'd have the beginnings of cataracts in both eyes. Cataracts! I'm officially old. Buy me a white cane, a motorized scooter, some blue hair dye and a handicapped parking spot. Book me a spot at the home, Mabel, I'm coming in!
I asked my friend Vic, who has had one of these boob-squishing appointments, what I should expect. She had this advice: 
"When you go home tonight, open the fridge and stick your boobs inside. Then slam the fridge door on them a few times and you'll have the general idea."
Whenever I hear the word mammogram I think of the Saturday Night Live land shark skit. You know, with the shark saying "telegram" and then "candygram." I'm thinking if he had of said "mammogram," there's no way Gilda Radner and Laraine Newman would have answered the door.
I had my mammogram this morning and it was FINE! Honestly, it didn't hurt at all and I absolutely don't want to discourage anybody from getting this all-important test. The women at the Ontario Breast Screening Clinic at the Bracebridge Hospital couldn't have been nicer or more gentle. Or funny! I told them my fridge story and they had a big giggle.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Get a mammogram.
It really could save your life.

Land Shark
Tags: Land Shark


  1. Oh the joys of being a woman!

  2. Yeah, this gram is not nearly as fun as a candygram. This maintenance stuff is a pain in the ass. And boobs.

  3. I've awarded you the "Versatile Blogger" award. Come on over to my blog and grab your award!

  4. Mammograms. Not fun, but an all-clear result is so much sweeter than any candygram :)

  5. I will squish mine in the fridge if you do.

  6. Seems pretty brutal, but the Land Shark tie in is hilarious! Ever heard of tittie twisters or purple nurples? Whistling is impossible but a flurry of punches works just fine.

    Hope you are in the clear and can stay away from the saw-bones for awhile. :)

  7. Make your doctor give you lenses as close to your prescription now as possible. I was really near-sighted and got lenses good enough for a sharpshooter... but can't see details up close. Not good for a writer, editor, and artist. Bleh! My doctor was completely out-of-touch with my needs.

    Another crazy A-Z Challenge Fool

    Blog Book Tours

  8. That reminds me, I need to make an appointment for a mamogram. Do I have to turn my head and cough for that too?

    This made me laugh out loud: (not at the dentist)

  9. just glad i don't need a prostate exam.

    ugh. my mammos always have potentially bad news, so i get the repeats. all very anxiety-producing. and the room is always so blasted cold.

    colonoscopies. mammos... uh-oh, p is coming up ;^) peace...

  10. I haven't done any mammogram and don't need any for at least few years. I love the story of the fridge, I think that's hilarious. Love the the video too.

  11. Great post. Btw, if you do get one of those motorized wheelchairs, be sure to get a pirate flag to fly from the back. I know that's what I plan to do! :)

  12. Cathy you crack me up. I busted a gut here:

    then I had a colonoscopy (not at the dentist)


  13. I think this is among the most important info for me.
    And i am glad reading your article. But should remark on few general
    things, The web site style is ideal, the articles is really great : D.
    Good job, cheers

    my web page -
    Also see my page - how to pick up girls jogging

  14. Here’s what your property ads in newspapers must have in order
    to get the best offer. The benefits of having high thread count sheets is that mills are forced to
    create much finer threads in order to increase the amount of threads
    in a square inch (keeping in mind that they don't also increase the ply). This is also probably one of the easiest forms of advertising, with only an advert designed for a specific box needing to be created. Do you have any of your own experiences to share with readers from all over the Christian community. In advance of purchasing, you should also review if the reproduction Hermes totes are priced way too high compared to it really is top quality and also product difference.

    Here is my page - egyptian newspapers

  15. The product, according to the brand, can be applied throughout the day on dry
    hair if one's hair is medium to very coarse. Right away register your GHD curly hair straightener concerning the GHD webpage so that you just can enact the 2-year ensure as well as to look at to make certainyours is genuine. Its intention is to offer you ideal cosmetics which are safe and substantial in quality, all the way through the world.

    my blog post: hair products


How's it going, eh? It's SO good to hear from you. Tell me every darn thing...