Tuesday, April 26, 2011

V is for Valerie

A Portrait of a Woman (Ivan Kramskoi, 1883)

Valerie lied and cheated and talked behind my back.
She conned me out of a great deal of money. She talked me into leaving a good job.
Her backbone was ramrod straight, her lips were pursed in a perennial "oh" and the giant dill shoved up her high-falutin' ass was lubricated with extra ass-juice and garlic.
I can't think of the letter V without thinking about her.
She appeared so normal but she was odd in so many ways.
This was the oddest: Valerie wore pantyhose under her shorts. Even in the hottest days of summer. Even in the backyard tooling around with the petunias.
Who does that?


  1. Good that time has mellowed your view of Valerie. :)

  2. Serious attitude in that portrait - don't think I've ever seen it before. Can't say much for Val's personality, but that's some fashion statement.

  3. Vile Valerie.
    Apparently Sarah Palin wears pantyhose under shorts.

  4. It's simple, silly...pantyhose hold the dill in. What else could it be? :)

  5. Valerie doesn't sound like someone I'd want to know.


  6. Me? BItter? (cue evil laugh)
    I laughed a lot of your comments... imagining macho Mike in pantyhose and Laura's simple timeless cheery explanation. And Sarah Palin, of course.

  7. You should do a whole series of these (maybe for each letter of the alphabet) - each letter the name of a woman, with this kind of character sketch/prose-poem type thing. (I'll think twice before I again mention my significant other to you as V.)

  8. I want to know how you really feel about Valerie; what did you hold back?

  9. Whoa - wouldn't want to tick you off! Sounds like she deserved all you are slinging her way...

  10. First, I just spit my drink on myself. This is bitter at it's best.

    Second, what Mark said.


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