Tuesday, April 26, 2011

V is for Valerie

A Portrait of a Woman (Ivan Kramskoi, 1883)

Valerie lied and cheated and talked behind my back.
She conned me out of a great deal of money. She talked me into leaving a good job.
Her backbone was ramrod straight, her lips were pursed in a perennial "oh" and the giant dill shoved up her high-falutin' ass was lubricated with extra ass-juice and garlic.
I can't think of the letter V without thinking about her.
She appeared so normal but she was odd in so many ways.
This was the oddest: Valerie wore pantyhose under her shorts. Even in the hottest days of summer. Even in the backyard tooling around with the petunias.
Who does that?

11 comments:

  1. Good that time has mellowed your view of Valerie. :)

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  2. Serious attitude in that portrait - don't think I've ever seen it before. Can't say much for Val's personality, but that's some fashion statement.

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  3. Vile Valerie.
    Apparently Sarah Palin wears pantyhose under shorts.

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  4. It's simple, silly...pantyhose hold the dill in. What else could it be? :)

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  5. Valerie doesn't sound like someone I'd want to know.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  6. Me? BItter? (cue evil laugh)
    I laughed a lot of your comments... imagining macho Mike in pantyhose and Laura's simple timeless cheery explanation. And Sarah Palin, of course.

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  7. You should do a whole series of these (maybe for each letter of the alphabet) - each letter the name of a woman, with this kind of character sketch/prose-poem type thing. (I'll think twice before I again mention my significant other to you as V.)

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  8. I want to know how you really feel about Valerie; what did you hold back?

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  9. Whoa - wouldn't want to tick you off! Sounds like she deserved all you are slinging her way...

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  10. First, I just spit my drink on myself. This is bitter at it's best.

    Second, what Mark said.

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