The near miss

You've had a near miss, right?

Something BAD has almost happened and your heart stops then starts beating as fast as the Roadrunner on bennies, and you think, HOLY CRAP THAT WAS CLOSE.

That happened to me, just now.

I had a bubble bath, because I'm a spoiled rotten lazy housewife who can have a bubble bath in the middle of the day, and then I did the aprés-bath stuff I detest – putting moisturizer goop on my face and deodorant under my pits and drying/styling my hair.

"Getting ready," it's called. I fecking hate getting ready. It's the worst part of my month day. It's just so boring and, worse, it has to be done over and over again. Bah. It's as bad as dishes. At least I have a dishwasher. I do wish I had something comparable in the vast and complicated arena of personal grooming. Something Jetson-like I could step into after the bath that would goop, deodorize and style my sad self in one fell swoop.

Anyway, I did all the aprés crap and then headed back to the bathroom to pick up towels and rinse the sadly used and dirt-crusted now bubble-less bubbles down the drain.

I picked up the shower wand, turned on the water and realized, in one rare moment of terror-coated lucidity, that the wand was pointed towards my freshly aprés-ed face.

It takes about a second for the powerful stream of water to rush down the hose and burst out of the head.

Somehow, some way, I turned the shower head away from my newly coiffed head in the absolute nick of time.

What on earth would have happened if I hadn't acted so quickly? It just doesn't bear thinking about, that's all.

Now excuse me while I go change my gotchies.