Saturday, April 5, 2014

E is for Ear Holes


I know those big ear holes kids are getting today are a fad, just like bell bottoms in the 1970s and big hair in the '80s, and kids should be kids and express themselves any way they want (as long as it doesn't hurt anybody), but geez, those are BIG holes.

Everyone knows your ears get bigger as you get older. My ear lobes, right now, are the size of Smart Cars. They dangle lower than what's left of my boobs, for crying out loud.

Can you imagine if I had one of those giant holes put in my ears when I was a kid? They'd be big enough by now to run a four-lane highway through. The thought of those ginormous holes flopping around on some geezer-in-a-nursing-home gives me the willies.

They don't just look funny – those holes also stink. Anybody with pierced ears knows what I'm talking about. As time goes by the holes get full of dead skin cells, body oil, old shampoo and stuff from the recycling bin, and eventually it stinks. If your ears are pierced, run your finger behind your ear, kinda digging it into the back of the hole, yes, like that ... Now. Smell your finger. (If you're in a coffee shop reading this you might want to do it surreptitiously, so people don't think you're some kind of cheesebox.)

Stinks, eh? Told ya. Bet you'll think twice before you let Mr. Romeo snuffle sweet nothings in your ear.

So if one regular-sized ear piercing stinks and grows, can you IMAGINE the size and STENCH of a giant hole on an old person? I mean, think of it – 60 years from now, all the teenagers who have ginormous studs in their ears are going to be living in nursing homes where health care aides will be forced to clean all those repulsively large and stinky ear holes flapping in the breeze.

Just now I went to find a picture of some numb-nut with an ass-sized ear hole and everything on Google Images was so repulsive that I couldn't bear to look. So I'll spare you the photo. Now go on and enjoy your Saturday, go out for breakfast, maybe order some cottage cheese or something. See ya on Monday!

29 comments:

  1. Well put....every doctors office should have a copy of this posted on their bulletin board. These young folks just don't think ahead.

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  2. I don't find huge holes in earlobes attractive either so maybe my age is showing ;P.
    However, I do know (and I can't remember how I know this) that it is possible, if proper care is paid to them, to slowly stretch and then slowly shrink those holes back down by using successive sizes of ear whatever it's called - ring?, so here's hoping the youngsters see the light and not through the holes in their ears.

    Sophie
    Sophie's Thoughts & Fumbles - A to Z Ghosts
    Fantasy Boys XXX - A to Z Drabblerotic

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    1. Here, here Sophie!

      I know, age is a big thing in our judgement - my parents hated my clothes and my music, but none of that was permanent. I just worry these kids will be stuck with someone they don't want (like their ex's name tattooed on their butts) when they're my age.

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  3. I think they're disgusting. Who's going to hire you for a job if you look like a freak with giant, gauged ears?

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    1. You'd definitely want to be applying for some kind of artsy job. Probably getting hired as a stockbroker or something conservative, might be an issue.

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  4. We usually dont see big ear holes here, so had to look up at Google images, and got the idea! Agree with you about the stink and the dirt that would accumulate in those big holes!! Gosh, so gross!! :|
    Shilpa Garg
    Co-Host AJ's wHooligan for the A to Z Challenge 2014

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    1. Nasty, eh? I'm sorry you had to see that, Shilpa!

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  5. LOL! So true on all and you said it! LOL! I know people who walk around with Michelin tires in their ears. I normally say "cool" and then wonder about what young plastic surgeon is going to make $$ on this in the future.
    A-Z hopping but I am sure I will be back :)
    Katy Did

    Life's Ride In Between

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    1. Exactly! If I had a baby right now (which would be a freaking miracle), I'd steer the kid into plastic surgery so he could keep me in the adult Pampers I look forward to being accustomed to.

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  6. Some day it will be the ear holes running the world.

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    1. As opposed to today's assholes, you mean? heheheheheheheheh

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  7. I agree. Personally, I don't have any, but lots of my friends have GINORMOUS gages. My friend Sabrina is young, but when she gets older, is going to be tripping over those holes. And dang. No one needs to be doing that.

    On a gross note, The Husband sees lots of ripped earlobes in law enforcement, because as soon as someone gets into a fight with those giant ear-holes, they usually make a good handle and get ripped right out!! GROSS. I know, but true.

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    1. I TOTALLY BELIEVE IT! If someone was coming at me with those big holes I'd grab and pull, too! (Thanks for the self-defence tip!!!!)

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  8. People do such silly things when young, never thinking about getting old, because kids never think they will get old.

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    1. True! And the thing is, it's amazing any of us make it past the age of 30.

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  9. I am pretty certain that some of them will be able to use them as a perch for their parrots. NOT a good look. E is for eeeeuw if we are talking ear plugs.

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    1. A perch for parrots!!! You're hilarious, EC!

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  10. I love the honesty of this post! Too funny!
    ~Katie
    www.thecyborgmom.blogspot.com

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  11. I had to look that up in google images. Ackkkk! Yuck!

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  12. LOL. I laughed out loud all alone in my office. Kids just don't think ahead. What about all those sagging backs and floppy arms covered by tattoos?

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  13. I don't like that look at all. It's sooooo gross. I guess you have to make peace with the fact that you'll never have a mainstream job if you look like that. Unless you get plastic surgery.

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  14. My great-grandmother always wore ginormous earrings and, I swear, her earlobes were, like, a foot long when she was 80.

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  15. Sadly, it's not really at all like bell bottoms. When I was done with that phase, I just bought some other pants. These people will have the holes for ever. I had no idea they were stinky holes.

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  16. I worry about those giant ear holes too. My gorgeous grand daughter has those earplugs in.

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  17. Okay, I know I'm way behind the times but I had no idea this was even a fad!

    Oh, and I'm pretty sure my ears have gotten bigger over the last few years. Either that or my haircuts have gotten shorter. Yeah, let's go with that last one.

    Madeline @ The Shellshank Redemption
    Minion, Capt. Alex's Ninja Minion Army
    The 2014 Blogging from A-Z Challenge

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  18. I guess the nice thing about bell bottoms and big hair was that they were reversible in moments...phew!

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  19. I have a nephew with those and a ring in his nose...it's not like you wouldn't notice him anyway at over 6'5" and close to 300# with a long shaggy beard.

    D.B. McNicol
    A to Z: Romance & Mystery...writing my life

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  20. Thanks for posting that cute picture with this post then. I've always been repulsed by pictures of people who do these piercings as part of cultural practices (lips/ears), so imagine my horror the first time I saw someone with mega holes in their ears. I'll never understand it. Funny post, Cathy.

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