F is for Frozen

When my kids were young I watched enough kids' shows to forever cure me of ever watching them again. So when my adult friends suggest seeing a kids movie,  I smile and shake my head and say I'd rather poke both my eyes out with burning sticks.

I was curious about Frozen, however, because of the controversy surrounding it. Apparently there are a bunch of right-wing Christian dough-heads who think Disney's Oscar-winning movie is pushing a homosexual agenda. Among them is a frothing-at-the-mouth fearmonger named Kevin Swanson who also thinks Kermit the Frog needs the death penalty (people are so weird).

Here's what Swanson had to say to his radio cohost Steve Vaughan on the topic:

Swanson: Man, how many children are taken into these things and how many Christians are taking their kids off to see the movie Frozen, produced by an organization that is probably one of the most pro-homosexual organizations in the country? You wonder sometimes, I’m not a tinfoil hat conspiratorialist, but you wonder sometimes if maybe there’s something very evil happening here. If I was the Devil, what would I do to really foul up an entire social system and do something really, really, really evil to 5- and 6- and 7-year-olds in Christian families around America?

Vaughn: I would make a movie.

Swanson: I would buy Disney. If I was the Devil, I would buy Disney in 1984, that’s what I would have done.

Vaughn: Then you would start making all these nice little movies that throw little things in there that make sin look enticing, in fact some of the worst of sins, make it look enticing or at least to start to indoctrinate slowly, turn the heat up on the frog in the pan.

Swanson: Friends, this is evil, just evil. I wonder if people are thinking: “You know I think this cute little movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way.” I wonder if the average parent going to see Frozen is thinking that way. I wonder if they are just walking in and saying, “Yeah, let’s get my five-year-old and seven-year-old indoctrinated early.” You know they’re not, I think for the most part they’re oblivious. Maybe they do pick up on pieces of it but they just don’t get up and walk out.

Swanson also criticized Disney for its opposition to the Boy Scouts of America’s ban on openly gay troop leaders, saying that parents should know that the company, along with public schools, is aiming to have “their children indoctrinated” into “the lifestyle of sodomy.”

He added that it would be the “worst nightmare” of parents to have their child “turn into a sodomite.”

Kevin Swanson: Asshat.

What a complete load of hooey. I mean, seriously? Are these guys completely deluded or are they just heroin addicts? Or maybe too many drugs aren't the problem – maybe they're just off their meds? I'm thinking the world might be a better place if they signed themselves into the nearest mental hospital ASAP.

I saw Frozen last night and I LOOKED for anything that remotely "pushed the homosexual agenda," and there was NOTHING. Nothing! The only thing I can possibly think of is when the two sisters, who are sisters, SISTERS for crying out loud, hug each other and declare that the true love of a prince isn't what helps them, it's the true love between SISTERS. Between FAMILY MEMBERS. So does Mr. Swanson think it's not OK for siblings to love each other? What happened to family values? Is the world such a twisted mess that it's not OK to love your own family members?

Kudos to Disney, by the way, for showing that a girl doesn't need a prince to rescue her.

What a fecking frozen-dinnered meatball Swanson is.

Anyway, Frozen wasn't all that bad - you know, for a kids movie. I actually liked it. The reindeer was funny. And there was a lot of (gak) singing. But there wasn't any lesbian pornography to speak of. No sodomy. No bestiality. Nobody did anything to the reindeer (although the snowman did have a weird gleam in his eye – kidding).

I think if you're going to see anything unwholesome in Frozen, ya gotta be slurping Swanson's Kool-Aid.