A to Z Honesty - It's a hard knock life

Nothing is ever good enough for the office cleaner.

Every weekend he runs a broom around and empties the garbage – such a hard knock life.

Every Monday we get an e-mail from our office manager beseeching us to make the cleaner's life easier so she doesn't have to listen to him whining anymore.

A couple weeks ago he was bitching because people weren't rinsing out their recyclables. Being the conscientious person that I am, I made a renewed effort to remove all globules and grossossities off of all fat-free creamer containers and tasteless salad dressing bottles before tossing them into the blue box.

A couple of weeks before that he was fussing because the washrooms were messy. From that point on I made sure the toilet was clean enough to eat off of every time I made a deposit.

This week he was whinging about garbage cans at people's desks – apparently he doesn't like it when people put garbage in those garbage cans. "I had to pull a banana peel out of one," he said.

OMIGAWD. Somebody had the nerve to put a BANANA PEEL in the GARBAGE? What's next? Am I going to have to pee through a coffee filter so as not to release pure urine into the office toilets? Am I going to have to eat my lunch outside, with the smokers, just in case a wayward crumb falls on the floor? Nothing is ever good enough for this man! What does he WANT from me? *sobbing* I try and try but he wants more, always MORE!

It's like living with a MOTHER-IN-LAW!

Listen, I don't feel sorry for this sad sack one bit. I feel like saying to him: IT'S YOUR JOB. DO IT. It's not like we're a bunch of slobs. We're actually pretty good about cleaning up after ourselves. Oh, except for that time somebody picked their nose and wiped boogers beside the toilet paper receptacle. That was kinda gross. And, oh yeah, there was that other time when somebody threw a tampon wrapper on the floor. Or, heheh, there was the time some airhead put regular soap in the dishwasher and overflowed it – OK, that was ME, but I learned my lesson! OH-OH-OH, and then there was the time somebody had a big crap and overflowed the toilet and then ran away. THAT WAS NOT ME but for some reason I had to clean it up. The whole time I was plunging someone else's giant turd down the john I was singing this: