Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A to Z Honesty - It's a hard knock life


Nothing is ever good enough for the office cleaner.

Every weekend he runs a broom around and empties the garbage – such a hard knock life.

Every Monday we get an e-mail from our office manager beseeching us to make the cleaner's life easier so she doesn't have to listen to him whining anymore.

A couple weeks ago he was bitching because people weren't rinsing out their recyclables. Being the conscientious person that I am, I made a renewed effort to remove all globules and grossossities off of all fat-free creamer containers and tasteless salad dressing bottles before tossing them into the blue box.

A couple of weeks before that he was fussing because the washrooms were messy. From that point on I made sure the toilet was clean enough to eat off of every time I made a deposit.

This week he was whinging about garbage cans at people's desks – apparently he doesn't like it when people put garbage in those garbage cans. "I had to pull a banana peel out of one," he said.

OMIGAWD. Somebody had the nerve to put a BANANA PEEL in the GARBAGE? What's next? Am I going to have to pee through a coffee filter so as not to release pure urine into the office toilets? Am I going to have to eat my lunch outside, with the smokers, just in case a wayward crumb falls on the floor? Nothing is ever good enough for this man! What does he WANT from me? *sobbing* I try and try but he wants more, always MORE!

It's like living with a MOTHER-IN-LAW!

Listen, I don't feel sorry for this sad sack one bit. I feel like saying to him: IT'S YOUR JOB. DO IT. It's not like we're a bunch of slobs. We're actually pretty good about cleaning up after ourselves. Oh, except for that time somebody picked their nose and wiped boogers beside the toilet paper receptacle. That was kinda gross. And, oh yeah, there was that other time when somebody threw a tampon wrapper on the floor. Or, heheh, there was the time some airhead put regular soap in the dishwasher and overflowed it – OK, that was ME, but I learned my lesson! OH-OH-OH, and then there was the time somebody had a big crap and overflowed the toilet and then ran away. THAT WAS NOT ME but for some reason I had to clean it up. The whole time I was plunging someone else's giant turd down the john I was singing this:

55 comments:

  1. Hilarious post! Gross, but hilarious. I like how you went: "Oh yeah, we're not slobs, but... and then there was that other time..." :D Have you considered becoming a stand-up comedian?

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    1. Er, no? That would involve standing, right?

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    2. (But I LOVE you for your compliment!!!!!!)

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  2. I almost spit out the water I was drinking all over my desk at this line - "Am I going to have to pee through a coffee filter so as not to release pure urine into the office toilets?"

    But then someone would have to clean that water up... :)

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    1. Hee-hee! Nothing I love better, Madeline, than hearing about spit-out-water! Makes my day!
      :)

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  3. funny...and yes, it's a hard knock life...but hey, someone has to do it!

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  4. Too funny! Yep, it's hard work. But, like Tracy said, someone has to do it. And there's always the option of building a squeaky clean CV and getting a better job.

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    1. HAR! Loved that one - "a squeaky clean CV!" hehehehehe

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  5. What a hoot. Reminds me of the cleaners we had.

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  6. Yeah, I understand trying to make it a bit easier for a person but when they're so demanding? No way! It's his job, suck it up.

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    1. Clarissa, I'm thinking of secretly plopping dead banana peels in every garbage can in the office late Friday night... oh wait a minute... now it's not a secret. Darn!

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  7. Yuck! And also hilarious. Sounds like my job, only I don't get paid. Suck it up, whiner.

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    1. heheheh - don't you love telling people to suck it up? I do!
      XD

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  8. I've been commenting following your comments on several blogs this am so thought I'd drop by and comment on yours.
    Karen

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    1. Sounds like we're on the same course! Will check you out too!
      *suddenly feeling a little bit like Glenn Close...*

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  9. Too funny - and yucky too - but he's getting PAID to do it!

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    1. Exactly! It's his JOB. I mean, he could have done better at school and become a LAWYER but noooooooo..... that's what I'm gonna tell my sons: do better in school or become banana peel picker-uppers.

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  10. Funny! The nerve to bitch about having to do what your paid do.

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    1. Yeah, Kristy, because I NEVER bitch about doing what I'm paid to do. NEVER.
      (Oh crap.. I think my nose is growing.)

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  11. Pathetic fellow. I used to hire retired people to clean the building. They knew how to do the job, and appreciated having it. But, your attitude is a good chuckle.

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    1. Thank you Joanne! It does my heart good to think of you chuckling!

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  12. Always loved the music from Annie!

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    1. Me too, Jo, and that song has been one giant ear worm for me all day long...

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  13. Aww we all complain about what we have to do for money. I'll repeat what you said, "It's a hard knock life."

    Teresa

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    1. I wonder if there's anybody out there who truly never complains about their job. Anyone? Hello? Is there an echo in here?

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  14. Solution: live inside a hermetically-sealed plastic bubble. Problem solved!

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Barb, plastic bubbles don't come in biggie-sized sizes. Trust me, I tried one on once. Imagine Kathy Bates from Fried Green Tomatoes in a hamster wheel and you've got the general idea.

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  15. Garbage in the garbage cans - I lost it at that point!

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  16. BA-HAHA! I was a janitor for a year and a half for an office building. Uh..yeah... you clean up people's crap. Literal and figurative.

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  17. Hehehe - I have a friend who hired me as a cleaner - to clean the day before their actual cleaner turned up so that their place was clean and tidy enough for her to work in... vicious cycle! (she preferred their gin cabinet to cleaning! I enjoyed leaving her letters 'from Houskeeping :))
    Lx

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    1. Omigawd, I've HEARD of people doing that but I always thought it was one of those urban myths! (There's gin in her cabinet? huh.... and where does she live????)
      :)

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  18. I felt a bit sorry for him at the start, but seriously, where else are you supposed to put garbage . . . other than in the garbage can? :P


    The Golden Eagle
    The Eagle's Aerial Perspective

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  19. I think I am your office cleaner. At home. Just the same, I am not paid for my role here and feel no guilt (not much anyway) about pointing out ways that my cleaning experiences here could be made easier.

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    1. See? When you do it for free? Like, at home? You get to complain all you want! It's like a get out of jail free card - whining included! Whine at will! Whine till the grapes are fermented.

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    2. I laughed at this one - sometimes it is just ok not to listen to the complaining. Sure it is not a great job but it still has to be done. At home, we don't get paid to do it and it still needs doing.

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    3. Unfortunately you are very, very right Kathy....

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  20. We have a guy at work who, well,let's just say had a bit too much fun in the sixties. Actually, he claims he hasn't taken the bandanna off that he wears around his head (complete with american flag sticking out), since the Jimi Hendrix concert back in 19(insert random year here). Since it was clear that he could never be asked to handle money or interact with the public, which was like 2/3 his job description, they transferred him to the maintenance staff.

    You will NEVER see another man so happy to strap on the ghost buster vacuum pack and grab the lemon pledge ever again. I swear. This is his calling. You could eat off the ceiling fan blades, if of course you could reach them, as he needed a mechanical lift to get up to their 20 foot height. And as an added bonus, that bandanna he wears makes an excellent and stylish bandit style mask so as to not inhale all the dust particles.

    Cleaning's not for babies... Someone should tell your cleaning people to suck it up buttercup.

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    1. Juli, I feel like printing out your comment and posting it on the bulletin board! AWESOME!

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  21. Cleaning up fecal matter? How come that doesn't sound so enjoyable..

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  22. In these times, people should be happy having a job and not be complaining about it,

    Good luck with A to Z!

    Monti

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  23. You're hilarious!

    And heeeeyyyyy Bracebridge! I'm round about those parts as often as I can get there (Magnetawan-ish).

    A-Z @ Elizabeth Twist

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  24. That's so funny! Your blog is wonderful. Thanks for stopping by today.
    dreamweaver

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  25. Wow, this guy needs a new job. That or a bubble to live in where he doesn't have to touch anyone else's anything.

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  26. I'd make a comment but I can't 'cause I'm laughing too much! ^_____________^

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  27. I was so Ra Ra! behind what you were saying. I mean, seriously, he had to pull a banana peel from the trash can? Uh, hmmm...It's the TRASH CAN!

    Yeah...

    Then you go making me laugh with the examples of why there may be some thing or other that would be worth whining about...well, except for the turd you ended up plunging to clear through the system. YOU would have had every right to take that plunger, hold it up to every person and see who held the slightest linger of stank that matched that darn thing. Just saying...lol!!!

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  28. Hey great post!! I love you blog set up and look!! Keep up the good work!!! You are invited to check out or folow my blog anytime!! Have a great day!!

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  29. I guess he does not enjoy his job very much since he wants everyone else to do it for him!

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  30. One funny post. I especially like the reference to Annie... one of my favorite musicals. And much of the time, it really is a "Hard Knock Night."

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  31. wow! where is Ms Hannigan when you need her! she's make him scrub that stinky banana peel until it shined!

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  32. Granted I would never want to be a janitor (I'd sign up to be a drug testing guinea pig before I'd clean up after other people - I have a sensitive gag reflex), but, Dude, do your job.

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