Saturday, April 14, 2012

A to Z Honesty - M is for Missing


"I miss him so much."


I hold the bartender's shaggy head in a loose embrace and stroke the back of his head. He acquiesces to my hollow need, the crook of his supplicant neck folded against the shelter of my breast.


I say the words as individuals, with revered emphasis, their meaning as rocky true as rip tides hissing on distant shores where my baby walks without me.


This funky seaside diner is the haunt of our glory days. Lime-freshed bottles of Corona froth these memories of passion-fuelled debates on politics, world hunger and the environment; we knew everything, we did everything, we loved everything. Mostly, though, I loved you.


How could I not.


I am here looking for something that no longer exists. The restaurant is full of university students and young workings, arguing about all the things we did. Nothing is new but everything is changed. Amongst their fevered energy my own self dissipates, like mist, like dust. The bartender, our old friend, as staid as truth, understands.


He bends his head, sorrow radiates from my fingertips; compassion becomes our ritual, the communion of lonely souls.

45 comments:

  1. I felt this way walking through my high school. Even though I never really liked high school, I walked through there one time to see a teacher I had. Everything, even the kids, looked so small and strange. Like I was walking through the past.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never liked high school either, Shay. Now there's one part of my life I wouldn't want a re-run of. But yeah, it looks so unimportant when you go back. Like it was your past, as you say, or maybe even part of someone else's life - like maybe something you read or watched on TV.

      Delete
  2. Breathtakingly simple, this paints a lifetime of memories and longings. I guess the accompanying picture sets up the mood, too!

    Thanks for sharing this, Cathy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading, Sue! Yeah, that picture is something I took in Newfoundland on our honeymoon. It was a glorious sunset over the Atlantic.

      Delete
  3. " . . . the haunt of our glory days." OMG, but that's powerful. Truly says it all. I think we all walk into a place at times and see what used to be. I'm usually surprised that the place isn't as big as I thought it was, for openers. Lovely post, thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kittie, I was worried that I sounded too much like Bruce Springsteen in that line but I kinda liked it and I'm glad you did, too! Thanks so much.

      Delete
  4. Wow, it says so much in so little. It does describe life so much. I feel that way when I visit school friends and drive past my high school and places I used to hang.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Clarissa! Yup. Life moves on and once vivid recollections of certain places fade when you actually see them again.

      Delete
  5. It's rare that we can go back and find everything the same...maybe even impossible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Almost every home I ever lived in as a child has been torn down and replaced by something else. It's like part of my life has been erased.

      Delete
  6. Oh, I know that missing feeling all too well lately. Whenever I visit my hometown nowadays, a mere 3 hours from here, I'm reminded of those very special people who used to sit in the Town Tavern and talk and argue and love. This is so beautifully written it brought tears to my eyes as I remember the same.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Boy, this one hit me in the gut.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This was heartbreaking. I thik most people have felt at least a little pice of what you have described. And you described it exquisitely.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, this is so descriptively sad. You did an excellent job.

    Kathy M.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This was a very emotive read - good job. It's sad though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Trisha... yeah I woke up sad yesterday morning after I dreamed something like this. So I wrote it before I lost the mood.

      Delete
  11. Heartbreaking when your memories get trashed by the new age!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Truly a fantastic post. It was like I was there with you...

    But no. I was the one alone in the corner with no one to hug. (She cries softly in her (root) beer, making it too salty to drink) Geez. It's high school all over again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stoopid high school. Really, there oughta be a law...
      Thanks so much, Juli.

      Delete
  13. I found your post to be very poetic; it has a semblance of beauty incorporated within it!

    Gorgeous picture!

    Every so often I go back to where I grew up; it has changed in a lot of ways.

    I will always have the memory of the home place; however going there doesn't seem to hold the importance that it once did.

    LIfe goes on and change is forever taking place! I live with that and I like it; although sometimes it doesn't feel so good - initially.

    Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Betty! The photo was taken a couple of years ago during our trip to Newfoundland. One of the most gorgeous evenings of my entire life, I think.

      Yes, the older we get the harder it is to connect what used to seem so very, very important.

      Delete
  14. Wow! This is one so many can relate to. Many times in one's life we have opportunities to revisit a place, either physically or emotionally, and we discover that it is not at all what it used to be. Positive or negative, the memory that held us is released to a new reality.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely, Kathy. Nothing ever is, as sad as that sounds. Luckily there's plenty of new stuff coming around every single corner to dazzle us anew... (have I had too much coffee????)

      Delete
  15. so true...

    20 years have passed an i am the same way...

    we did... but did nothing...

    and we did but did not remember when it mattered most....

    ReplyDelete
  16. Your story is so sad but poetic. I really enjoyed it. So many people has lived through some a similar situation... thanks for sharing.

    From Diary of a Writer in Progress

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow, what a great surprise visit from A to Z such sadness, and your descriptions were fantastic, thanks for triggering links to my past missing's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Coach!! (I've always wanted to say that -"thanks coach!)

      Delete
    2. Teresa, I'm not sure if you come back to read comments or not but I just want you to know I have tried SIX TIMES to leave a message on your blog... I have such problems with Wordpress you can't even believe it! Anyway, I loved your blog and love the fact you're from Ottawa. GO Canada! I just want you to know I TRIED, I REALLY REALLY TRIED!

      Delete
  18. Oh such a sadness in this post. THey say you can never truly go home and there is truth in that.
    Thanks for coming by. Your writing is fantastic!
    ~Naila Moon

    http://yaknowstuff.blogspot.com/2012/04/m.html#comment-form

    ReplyDelete

How's it going, eh? It's SO good to hear from you. Tell me every darn thing...